What Type of Coach Do You Need?- #38

 Perhaps one reason I resonate with the idea that what is in back of us is as important as what is in front of us is because of my vision. Cataracts in both eyes mean I don't see the little blue flowers my partner points out when we are on a nature walk. Optic neuropathy in my left eye means impaired depth perception.  

But I do have a strong sense of what or who is behind me.  

Janene Armstrong*, my personal wellness coach, is behind me. She assumed a nurturing supportive approach when we started working together nine months ago. After a few months she began being tougher on me. When I didn't think I could do one more plank she urged, "Try it one more time!"

In the last month the two of us have discussed fitness issues in a more collegial way. She is still nurturing and supportive and she still pushes me but now we discuss ways we might work together.

A coach who is behind you knows when to nurture, when to make you toe-the-line, and when to move the relationship to a collegial one. Some coaches specialize in nurturing and some in pushing you to do your best. It's possible to have a good coach who just isn't giving you what you need at the time.

Now there are book coaches who help you write a book. My plan is to hire one in the near future. My needs will be for someone to nurture me (because self-doubt is sometimes my roommate) and for someone to keep me accountable (because having deadlines helps).

Coaches have your back. Coaches are behind you. 

Clue for the week that you probably didn't expect: Try to be your own coach. Keep in mind it is just for this week. Decide what you need. Nurture or push yourself or make time for a conversation with a good friend. However, if you are ready, hire someone to help you. 

Let me know what type of coach you need and if you are able to find it. Or tell me how you are your own coach. Are you still thinking about what is in back of you? Tell me if you are!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Jenene is a certified health coach and women’s fitness specialist who serves women over 45 who are ready to take charge of their health and lifestyle again. She helps women to get active, ditch the diet mentality, learn to eat real, nutritious foods that give them the energy they need, eliminate sugar addiction, lose weight, change habits for good.....and feel fabulous again!

*Here’s Jenene's website link:  www.healthfitcoach.net 

Appreciate Your Inner Goodness - #37

In January I printed every blog.spot post published since 2012. Printed because I am old fashioned enough to need paper in my hands to really study something. After rereading 350 posts, I imagined inspiration waking me up in the night with a fabulous idea for a new creation.  

Let's just say this project has stalled.

Perusing posts has been gratifying (remembering connections forged, marveling at variety of subjects), shocking (not remembering what I wrote and forgetting books I quoted), and startling (some posts sound intellectual or businesslike, some not clear what I wrote or what I was quoting).  

Posts in May have focused on exploring why what is in back of us is as important as what is in front of us. This now strikes me as another occasion my unconscious was involved.

The other day, I was following behind the scene internet links and found an article by Aura Glaser that coincidentally was published in 2012. I found inspiration in this line: 

"Our capacity to turn toward whatever scares or repels us, and remain present with it, depends on our access to inner goodness."*

I am disappointed that I haven't created something new. It helps to express this. The helpful message I receive from Aura Glaser: Appreciate my effort. Appreciate my motivation. Be in contact with and appreciate my inner goodness.  

Weekly Clue for exploring your mysterious Self: Each day, appreciate an effort that you make even if you don't produce a product. Pick an effort that you often overlook that you do out of the goodness of your heart. 

Please share where you place your attention. I am notorious for dropping kleenex all over the house. When I stand up, I usually leave a crumpled one behind me. I'm going to appreciate myself every time I notice that I dropped one and actually stop and pick it up.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Is In Back Of Our Thoughts? - #36

"It's always that space in back of you that's as important as -- or almost more important than -- the space in front of you."  

Let's look further at this idea that we played with in Post #31.

Scientists say humans have a larger brain structure than most other animals. One reason may be that we have a neocortex which is responsible for developing thoughts. (It has other functions too.) These thoughts allow us to be self reflective - to be aware of ourselves. The thoughts also help us think about the space in back of us. Humans have always been very interested in themselves.

What is in back of or behind the thoughts we have? 

Our five senses!

When we intellectualize, we are submerged in thought. When this happens, our senses are blocked out. We lose contact with our bodily feelings.

Many times it isn't easy to know what is behind our thoughts. There is a voice in our head that warns us of the dangers we will face if we discard or question our precious thoughts.  

Our bodies can help us. Our bodies are home for our five senses. Knowing what is behind your thoughts will put you in contact with your feelings and your humanness.

Clue for this week: Pay attention to your breath whenever you can this week. The breath is a built-in stress reliever. Try and feel your breath for a couple of breaths. Don't just think about your breath, feel the breath. See what happens.

If none of this makes sense to you, don't worry about it. Just use the clue and let me know what happens! If you have questions, don't hesitate to email me.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The image is one selected from my computer files. I don't remember it but but looking at it gives me a good feeling. Hope you enjoy!

 

When Exploring Mysteries We Need Clues - #35

I surprised myself yesterday.  

Leaving my analyst's office, I was greeted by a plethora of trees with pink, lavender, and white flowers. They were in front of me and in back of me and all around me. The overabundance of blossoms took my breath away.

A twinge of angst fluttered in my chest. This bodily reaction spoke  of impermanence. A part of me knew that the intense beauty would soon disappear.

Then a thought that surprised me popped into my mind. It was a thought I have never had before: Whatever happens when I die, it will have to be spectacular to beat this.

Does this have anything to do with the unconscious? I don't know but I am wondering about it.  

Maybe the thought was a clue. When we explore mysteries, like we do here every week, we need clues!  

I would like to announce, exploring the mystery, has a new feature! Each post will have a clue - an idea that you can play with all week. These clues will be designed to help you stay in the present moment which will help you live a meaningful life.

This week's clue: Each day, should you decide to participate, find a thing or person of beauty.  Something that makes you feel good. Savor it. Be grateful for it. Just make a note of it in your mind. 

I think my clue, if it was a clue, was telling me to find beauty everyday and appreciate the earth. I'm sharing with you. Let's all find beauty this week. Be sure and let me know what you are savoring. Please remember that you are in good company!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Special Surprise Suggestion - #34

I forgot to include this suggestion in Post 33.

This week, pay attention to what surprises you. Try to be aware of unpleasant or pleasant surprises. Just be aware when things don't turn out like you thought they would or how you wanted them to. You could be dealing with your unconscious or it could be another reason that only you know. We are looking for things that we weren't expecting to happen.That's the first step.

When you recognize a surprise, say to yourself: I have everything I need to handle this surprise. I have resources and I have strengths. Remind yourself of them.

Then remember that there are other exploring the mystery readers doing the same thing and rejoice in being in such good company! Let us know what surprised you, you don't have to tell us what you figured out about why you were surprised but we would love to hear that too.

Thanks for considering the suggestion! Nicky

I Wonder If It Is Really My Unconscious? - #33

The exploration of the space in back continues to fascinate me.  Surprises continue.  

Mason, my youngest son, commented he felt I was being vague about my scar when I didn't mention it directly as one of the concerns about my pink scalp.

I gasped. 

In case you are wondering, the previous sentence wasn't stolen 
from a Harlequin romance. Mason will validate that I speak the truth.

I gasped. The week I wrote about the back of my head, I didn't once think about the bumpy four inch scar from brain surgery. 

I purposefully am not writing I forgot the scar. I often reach back and feel this weird addition to my body.The scar is where I can't see it but I never forget it.

But then, why wasn't I conscious of the scar when I was writing about the back of my head?

I blame my unconscious.

Freud thought that the unconscious was a force. Perhaps the force of my unconscious interfered with my remembering the scar when I wrote about the back of my head. 

But why? 

Well, maybe my unconscious is not ready to accept that my life was saved by surgery.  Harboring a deep distrust of the current medical system, believing more in alternative medicine, how do I integrate the fact that modern medicine made it possible for me to walk again?

I certainly don't understand the unconscious but I do like being able to assign meaning when something stays out of my awareness. 

That there can be meaning in what is not in our awareness or meaning in what we forget is something to explore. Do you ever wonder why you forget something? Would your unconscious have anything to do with it? What escapes your awareness? So you even believe in the unconscious? 

Please reply to this email or go to website and comment.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

I'll Meet You Out Back! - #32

Since last week's post, my mind has been obsessed with what is in back of me.  

Wendell (power behind the throne) says that when he is fly casting, knowing what is behind him is vital.  

This week at my analyst's office, while free associating on her  analytical couch, it didn't surprise me (given my obsession) that  exploring the mystery's topic of what is in back came out of my mouth . I said quite a lot about how this was interesting to me and why.  

I was astonished at the response: "I sit behind you and you have your back to me."

Her observation (I wondered immediately why this hadn't occurred to me) nudged me to ponder, this time in nonliteral ways, the importance of what is in back of me. That her observation had this effect on me is fascinating because her observation was literal: she sits behind me and I lie with my back to her. 

Consistent with the psychoanalytic approach, her words helped me go to another level of thinking. And I'm still thinking.

It seems we often do not know what is behind us. If I don't use a mirror to check the hair on the back of my head, I risk exposing my pink scalp through my thinning white hair. This speaks to a literal interpretation. Why having my pink scalp show feels shameful is a question that comes from thinking nonliterally. 

By investigating this question, what will discover about myself? Why does it feel so wrong to show my scalp?

Is there something weird behind you that you don't quite understand? Have you ever been astonished? I'd also like to hear more literal ideas about the importance of what is in back. Please tell us in the comment section anything you think pertinent to this discussion.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

PS - The image  above was from a trip to Amsterdam in 2016. You may not be able to see the rats painted on the man's leather jacket but I saw them and recoiled, after snapping the photo of course.

PPS - I appreciate your insightful responses that now reside in the comment section which is behind the post (really at the end of post but I couldn't resist). There are 12 from last week alone. See if you can figure out how to post in the comment section or simply hit reply to this email which will send your comment to me and I can paste it in. Let me know if you want me to use your full name, first name, or anonymous.

 

I've Got Your Back! - #31

Obsessed with locating Broken Screen: Expanding the Image, Breaking the Narrative, I resolved to pay $1.50 and see if Interlibrary Loan could find it for me.  A book review promised 26 conversations with artists, filmmakers, designers, and architects. I learn from artists. 

Doug Aitken writes in the preface he organized this 2006 book to capture the essential motivations behind the creative process. The conversations focus on ideas about nonlinearity and fragmentation. 

Skimming the book I learned that nonlinear stories are needed, according to Amos Vogel, "because the old-fashioned, straightforward, linear narratives - with their beginning, middle, and happy endings - have none of the real mysteries of existence that we all know to be true in our own lives."

It was, however, an interview with Robert Wilson that fascinated me the most. Here's Robert:

"It's always that space in back of you that's as important as -- or almost more important than -- the space in front of you."  

My mind keeps mulling over the idea that what is behind me is as important as what is in front of me.  I pondered it yesterday while lying face down on the massage table.

I've noticed more people saying, "I've got your back." I want to continue paying attention to what is in back of me.

Here are two questions for you. Pretend that I am interviewing you and write your answers in the comment section or reply to this email:

Do you want your entertainment to have a happy ending? 

What do you think of the idea that what is behind you is as important as what is in front of you?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The image was taken from our hotel, "Ink" in Amsterdam.

Your Future Self & An Owl- #30

Note: This is a demanding post. You will need to look carefully to see the owl in the image (upper right) and you will be asked to use your imagination (right hemisphere of the brain).  

I'm reading Tara Mohr: Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead.

The first chapter does a great job of describing the ever present inner critic. I appreciate Mohr's insight that messages from this part of ourselves are designed to protect us from emotional risk.  

In another chapter she offers an exercise designed to imagine our future selves. I felt hesitant to tackle this visualization after I read the instructions: add twenty years to your age. 

My inner critic rapidly spoke up to tell me that no one as old as I was should even consider this type of nonsense. This cheeky critic even spoke for Mohr saying she didn't have old people in mind when designing this exercise.  

I had to take charge. First, there was murmuring under my breath,"I know you are trying to keep me safe" and then a raised voice asking for silence, 

The visualization of my 92 year old self began. I pictured dancing in flowing purple silk, my body slim and flexible, surrounded by loved ones, trees, and books. I was having a good time. The exercise continued with me feeling non-judgemental, creative, and full of relief at finally knowing how to use Microsoft Word. Love was all around.

The critic was quiet.

Do you recognize your inner critic?

Can you imagine your future self in twenty years? Let me know how adding twenty years to your current age and then imagining yourself goes for you. It's reassuring for me to think that during this visualization I could be stronger than the critical voice. 

Can you recognize your inner critic? What message does your inner critic whisper in your head? Can you silence it? I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

It's 2 AM - #29

Yesterday I had a funny feeling I was forgetting something.

I just woke up and remembered what it was: 

I didn't design a blogpost!

Unable to drift back to sleep, I decided to crawl out of bed and open up my ASUS.

It wasn't that I didn't think about exploring the mystery yesterday. I have pledged to myself (and somehow it seems like to you since some of you have been such faithful readers for years) that I will spend one hour a day focused on creating something from three hundred+ blog posts 2012 to 2017.  

Yesterday was the second official day of this process. I had all kinds of ideas. It was very exciting.

That's why I forgot.

See you next week!

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

Plum As Teacher Even Though Not Pictured - #28

exploring the mystery wants to help you discover how to be the person you want to be. Often posts concern the importance of maturing. I have written in the past how to raise our level of consciousness. Do those ideas explain why you read these posts?

Sometimes an analogy can worm its way into our brain and help us feel things that are difficult to put into words. I owe my inspiration for this post to Tagore, a Bengali polymath. My rendition may not capture the excitement I felt when initially reading but I trust you will at least find comfort or wisdom.

Think of a plum hanging on a tree. The plum clings tightly to the tree branch. The outer skin of the plum molds itself tightly against the plum's flesh. The flesh snugs itself against the seed. The plum is hard. 

Because of its condition, it is not wise to separate the plum from the tree or try to separate the skin from the flesh. There is no benefit to be gained from prying the tough flesh from the seed.

As time passes, the plum lets go of its hold on the branch. The plum ripens, the skin gradually becomes softer and stops clinging to the flesh so tightly. The flesh softens around the seed. 

Do you sense the vital need to embrace the spirit of letting go as you age? Can you think of other examples in Nature that would give this message? Let me know what you think, I really would like to know. Hit reply to the email or go to the comments section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Mystery Spiritual? - #27

I'm excited to report that I have finished reading blog posts from 2012 - 2015. Now on to year 2016. Some of you have been regular contributors and I want to express my gratitude for your faithfulness to exploring the mystery.

The word mystery implies, I've been told, something spiritual. I remember when I sat down with a man from Adel to develop my blog. One of the first questions he asked me: What do you want to name it?

I still wonder where the title came from. It seemed to just flow out of my mouth: exploring the mystery. I've liked the freedom that the name has given me though I often stumble when asked what mysteries are explored. 

In the next three months, my focus will be on developing a clear focus for this blog. I would love it if you emailed me a word or two that you think describes what we do here.

I've read that the memory of spiritual intensity in childhood is a yardstick for measuring spiritual experiences for the rest of our lives. 

It's interesting to ponder this today, the day my Aunt emailed me the news that her father's, who was my grandfather, birthday is today. He would be 124.  Grandpa and Grandma were responsible for initiating my interest in spirituality. They picked me up on the farm and gave me a ride into town where we all attended the Methodist Church.

I remember one of the Sunday School teachers convincing me to persuade my parents to attend church. This was undoubtedly the birth of my missionary self.

Do you have a memory of spiritual intensity from your childhood that has influenced how spirituality played out in your life? Would you please share it with us? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What's Your Purpose or Mission? - #26

Retiring from your life's work is a huge step. For me it has taken time to let go of my role as a therapist and to let go of knowing what is happening in the lives of people I cared about. Time to remember that I no longer have to position my calendar so no one can see what's written in it. Time to get used to no checks to deposit.  

I think it makes sense that when people retire, they might be susceptible to a reality distortion field. See post #25 for reference.   

As you will see if you look at the comments related to #25,  the meaning of reality distortion field is still somewhat mysterious. But one thing I'm certain of is that it isn't a field of dreams. Staying out of it seems a good move.

But how?

It occured to me that if I was clear about my purpose in life, it might be easier to stay non-distorted. The following statement speaks to NOW and will, like everything, change:  

"In my former life as a psychotherapist, I listened to client stories. Now I will  write my own. A life focused on writing will contain daily journal entries, work on creating “product” from body of work, and  frequent documentation of personal analysis to discern if desire to create memoir is sustainable. Weekly blog posts and frequent instagram offerings will be creative outlets and provide opportunities for staying connected to friends, family, and writing community."

I'm sharing this with you because composing it, which took lots more time than you would think, helped me feel more grounded. I thought you might like to write up your own purpose statement, even if you aren't retired, and send it for us to see or tell us if it had any effect on your life.

Thanks for reading and remaining a part of this evolving community.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Moldy Oldies - Revisiting 2012 - #25

exploring the mystery post, published on March 9, 2012, contains a phrase that still intrigues me. Extra points if you remember the phrase, or for that matter, anything from such an ancient post. How's your long term memory?  

The phrase: "reality distortion field." I had discovered this phrase while reading Walter Isaacson's biography of Steve Jobs in 2012. At that time, I  described the phrase as similar to how anxiety affects our views. 

Today I might define a reality distortion field as an internal pattern with a defensive nature. 

Here's an example: If my fear is that when another person is upset with me I won't be able to handle it, I may look out at the world from behind a reality distortion field that makes it seem as if everyone is mad at me.  Isn't it weird how we always seem to focus on the negative?

With reality distorted, when I hear an unusual tone in the other person's voice, I will be certain I have done something to upset them. The reality distortion field has worked. 

Can you think of an example of a positive reality distortion field?
I want to but have spent an inordinate amount of time on this post so I need to stop. (Pun intended - I need to stop.)

And in closing - would you believe that I put a little bit of sucanat (sugar) on my oatmeal this morning? Well, I did. I woke up missing the sweet taste so I figured I would try a little bit.  Then today I received a lovely comment from Connie extolling the virtues of moderation which seemed to affirm my decision. 

And just between us, thank heavens it didn't taste as good as I thought it would though initially it was disappointing that it wasn't wonderful but now that I write about it, I think it was a good result. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

New Instagram NickyHiattMendenhall - #24

My latest adventure - a new account on Instagram!

In keeping with our theme exploring the mystery, I will be posting images of things that are difficult for us to see.  

In the image above you will have to look closely to see the sign on the bicycle that says "can't stop." This photo, from a sidewalk-cafe window in Amsterdam aroused my curiosity. I wanted to ask the owner what they couldn't stop. Since I didn't see the rider I will ask you: 

What is it that you can't stop? 

I want to stop feeling so addicted to sugar. I find it nearly impossible, once my sweet tooth is activated, to say no.  My usual breakfast is a bowl of organic steel cut oatmeal. My habit has been to top this with a teaspoon of sucanat (whole cane sugar with molasses).

One morning about a week ago, I decided that if I was serious about managing my addictive feelings toward sugar, eliminating this spoonful in the morning was a place to start.

The first few days without succanaut were pretty rough. The oatmeal tasted flat and dull. It took nearly a week before I didn't crave that sugar taste. This morning I hardly noticed it wasn't there. It helped to pour on ground flax seed, chia seeds, walnuts, pomegranate powder, and cacao nibs.  

We went out to lunch today at one of our favorite restaurants, Table 128. When you walk out the door there is a plateful of free chocolate chip cookies.  I didn't take one. 

I don't want to stop eating sugar forever. I just want to be able to stop when I want to stop.


What is it that you can't stop? Maybe you can tell us something good for yourself that you can't stop doing! For me right now, I can't stop buying books!

How do you get yourself to stop when you want to? Is there anything that you want to stop? What is it that you can't stop? 

I'll explain more next time the thinking behind my Instagram adventure. In the meantime, if you have an Instagram account, please email me your address! I'd love to see it. I made my account a private account so you will have to request to follow me and I sincerely hope you do!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

 

Jung on Paradox - Remember Paradox? - #23

Do you enjoy having a project in process? Part of me likes the feeling of steady progress that occurs as I continue working towards termination. Another part of me wants the end result. 

I'm thinking about conflicting feelings as I currently have a project.

Paul* figured out how to print my blog posts from 2012 to this year. I'm now going to read all 356 of them and make a note about each.  I have finished reading posts from 2012 and am in the middle of reading posts from 2013. 

At this juncture I'm uncertain why I'm doing this. I have a vague notion that I want to create something from this body of work. I love seeing the comments from all of you. I appreciate your loyalty for all these years. Thank you!

Brene Brown** quotes Carl Jung: "The paradox is one of our most valuable spiritual possessions...only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life." 

Remember when we explored paradox? I wonder what year that was? I don't recall thinking of paradox as a spiritual possession. Do you?

While conflicting feelings about my project do not technically qualify as a paradox, I want to use them  to feel the fullness of life and not become discouraged.

When you are working on a long project, how do you stay motivated? Any ideas for me of what to create with 300+ posts?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Paul  Schwegler, owner of Little Dog Tech, 515 422 1995.
*Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness, (2017), p.155.

Is it easy for you to pause? - #22

Fatigue was my constant companion from last Wednesday afternoon until Monday morning. After someone told me that fatigue is a symptom of this year's flu and that my body likely was trying to fight it off, I spent most of my time in bed.  Since I didn't feel like doing anything anyway, I slept.

Now that I'm feeling better, it's not as easy to take it easy. I want to do laundry and straighten up messes.  I feel as if my immune system needs plenty of rest. But when I put my feet up, my mind won't settle down. 

The body is largely a mystery to explore isn't it?  

I've been noticing that Susan Piver assures us breathing happens automatically during meditation instructions. That when we pause after an exhale, we don't have to worry because the body will start the breath again.

Think of it - the body has built a pause into our breathing pattern.
Stop for a moment and pay attention to the pause that happens.  

Enjoy the pause and stay well!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Assessments & Celebrations: Necessary? - #21

I am enrolled in a three month experience where every week we  are asked to assess our work and share what we celebrate. The first time this request came across my screen, I grimaced. I didn't want to do it. What good does it do to go over old stuff?

After several weeks making myself assess and celebrate, I now wonder why I initially resisted. 

Here's some possibilities:  I didn't want to slow down. Fear of disappointment. Anxiety about stopping what I'm working on. Maybe a bit of each? 

Today, finishing a thoughtful assessment and celebration proved  how important assessment can be. Because I started to think and to plan for my assessment yesterday, I had time to scroll through old conversations and found this gem:

Exploring the mystery of life as is, right here, right now. 

This sentence, buried in a conversation from several days ago, would have been missed if not for my need to reassess.   I think it describes this blog's purpose. I'm celebrating!

Do you take time to assess how you are doing on your goals? Say for instance, you want to be more in the moment. How do you assess your progress? Do you fear disappointment? And how do you celebrate progress? Please let me know!

Thanks for exploring the mystery of assessment and celebration!
Nicky Mendenhall

NOTE: Two people notified me they posted a comment, a comment that I did not receive. When you post on the blog, the post comes to me to be approved so you won't see it right away. If you check back after a few hours and it's not there, it is likely I didn't receive it because I love posting comments. Please email it to me as I celebrate every comment!

When Are You Dazed & Unfocused? - #20

In last week's post I mentioned how cotton wool came over me before my surgery last year. None of you wrote describing your cotton wool moments. Perhaps my example was too extreme.

Here's a more usual Cotton Wool Monday Moment: 

At my regular afternoon appointment with my analyst, I couldn't think of anything to say. Everything that came to mind, I deemed unworthy. 

I wasn't aware of this at the time: I was wrapped in cotton wool. The thing is, there were questions and there were incidents to report.  But similar to how Dani Shapiro described Virginia Woolf's cotton wool state, I was dazed and unfocused.

If you are looking for a foolproof solution to guarantee this will never happen to you - I don't have it.

The reason I share my D & U moments with you is that when you feel D & U, you won't feel alone. These feelings are part of being human.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Woolf's Cotton Wool Moments- #19

I'm renewing my commitment to write short posts, posts that can be read in the "moment." Reading exploring the mystery is to help you  experience your humanness and know you are not alone.

When a post is trying to explore more than a moment's worth of material, I will end it. There will be weeks (like last week) when you will feel the type of frustration I used to experience between episodes of the old fashioned TV soap operas.  

So what are cotton wool moments? My guess is you have felt something akin to them. Last February I was in a cotton wool moment while waiting for surgery. 

Dani Shapiro* explains there are days when she is trapped in what Virginia Woolf called cotton wool. She describes this as a dazed, unfocused state in which the hours collapse, one flattening into the next. 

Have you ever had moments like this? Please share your cotton wool moments with me and our community of explorers! And I'd love to know how short posts work for you. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
* Dani Shapiro, page 60 of Still Writing: The Perils and Pleasures of a Creative Life (2013)

The Present Moment in Cotton Wool - #18

Thanks for sharing your ideas on "living in the moment" and "living for the moment." The comment section has several bits of wisdom. 

Dealing with the ubiquitous television noise which was competing with piped in radio rackett in the dermatology waiting room this week was a challenge for me. I am used to silence.    

Despite my initial irritation, without much effort I was able to block out both sounds. I just didn't pay attention to them.

During the type of meditation I practice, the focus is on the breath. Susan Piver, my meditation mentor, always reminds us that the mind will continue to make thoughts because that is what the mind does. The instruction is to watch the thoughts come in and then watch them go out. Don't get attached to them.   

If you don't meditate you can use this advice to not get too wound up in your thoughts. Remembering that the mind's job is to produce thoughts, we can decide how much attention we want to pay to them. 

I hope you are able to wait to find out how cotton wool is related to the present moment as I've run out of space. I promise to fill you in next week. In the meantime, pay attention to the moment you are in and have a deviled egg on me!

Thanks for exploring the mystery of moments - Nicky Mendenhall

So What Does It Feel Like To Be In The Moment? #17

My attempts to be in the moment have brought to my attention a feeling akin to my knees standing guard over my feet. I doubt that makes sense - it's kind of hard to explain; truly a weird feeling. I think it is the opposite of feeling grounded.

When there is a question of this magnitude, I ask my sons. My oldest son was visiting. I told him my feeling of hovering over my feet and he advised me to pay attention to my legs. This has helped.  Feeling grounded is a great feeling and I want more of it!

Part of being in the moment must be feeling grounded - to the earth. I want to understand what else is involved in being in the moment but first I want to explore this question with you:

What is the difference - if there is one - in the saying "live for the moment" and the saying "live in the moment"? Do you feel different when someone says "live for the moment" than you do when someone says "live in the moment"?

What is the difference between for and in? Let me know what you think. If you don't think there is any difference, just hit reply to this email and say NO. 

Thanks for exploring the moment's mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The Paradox of Aging - #16

Have you ever noticed that when you are ready to hear a message,  you see it wherever you look?  I keep bumping into the idea that most of the time people fight through the trauma of an accident or the shock of receiving a "bad" diagnosis. 

When my medical scare with NPH took place in late 2016,  I don't think I knew this. Fearing needles my entire life and horrified at drastic medical procedures I'd heard of others having to endure,  , giving up seemed an option,

Of course I didn't say this out loud. Luckily my analyst and husband, sons and grandchildren, were able to help me see a different picture. 

In an article by John Leland, Sunday New York Times this week, I read this statement: "The truth is, people get better. An acute accident (and I add a scary diagnosis) doesn't have to be the end."

The article pointed out that when people have a premature feeling of when the end begins, it is harmful in terms of what care they seek. I think this speaks to what I was experiencing. When I couldn't walk and didn't believe I ever would again, it seemed like the end. I didn't want to seek the care I needed.

In the same article, gerontologists reported that the paradox of old age is that as people's minds and bodies decline, instead of feeling worse about their lives, they feel better. 

Does this seem like a true paradox to you? What is the hardest thing about getting older for you? Do you feel ready to fight for your life when troubles appear?

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox!  Nicky Mendenhall

Whoops I Almost Forgot! - #15

Just remembered that I promised to report what my focus was for December but didn't follow through!

My priority for December was to exercise. I did pretty well except for yesterday (Saturday) when I couldn't make myself do anything. But I was back at it today for thirty minutes even though it was my day off.

My overall priority for 2018 is exercise. My intention is to do some exercise or movement six days a week and take Sunday off. I will keep you posted.  

I'm taking the word priority at its most basic meaning - as singular. I, of course, will have other priorities but want to declare exercise as my #1 priority.

I would love to hear what your #1 priority will be for the new year. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Insight By Its Nature Paradoxical? - #14

For as long as I can remember, wanderlust was a reason for living and the reason I saved money. Because of a health scare early this year, we didn't venture out into the world in 2017. My desire to travel evaporated and my partner followed suit. All we could see were the obstacles: tiny airplane seats, crowds, long waits in line, hassles.

As the new year approaches there are questions bubbling in my brain. Will my yearning return? If not, what will replace what I gained in foreign lands?  

A source of insight for me is the Rabindranath Tagore Reader which has been residing in the main bathroom since September 2016. Recently I underlined Tagore's response to a woman friend who wrote him describing  her travels: 

"You move yourself, but I remain stationary while everything before me moves."

Perhaps this sentence grabbed my attention because Tagore was expressing what I've been feeling. Not much feels the same to me even though I haven't traveled.

Or maybe Tagore is speaking of paradox like we did last week?

Has something you always thought you wanted lost its appeal? Did you ever gain it back? Can you share an example of a paradoxical situation? Do you think that life has paradox at its core? Would you rather stay home? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox & life with me!
Nicky Mendenhall

*Image is me in Hong Kong a few years ago satisfying my desire to return to the bustling city after a fabulous visit in 1994.

A Taxidermy Break! - #13

I am giddy with joy at having a live fragrant tree in our house. With darkness coming so early the colored lights, our only decoration, satisfy my need for light. I'm not feeling the frenzy of the season quite as much this year because my gratitude for being mobile and healthy crowds out petty worries.

I do want to think of nonseasonal things occasionally so I figure maybe you would too. As they say on Monty Python, "And now for something completely different":

The paradox of taxidermy is that it both reanimates and stills.

I can't stop thinking about the idea that something can do two seemingly opposing things - animate and still. I'd like to give credit  but all  I have in front of me is a two inch piece of ripped newsprint. I didn't know my mind would continue to masticate on this idea or I would have saved more of the article.

Of course my question is, what else has this paradoxical nature?  

Here's what I've come up with: 

Let's say your priority is to be good and your fantasy is that if you are good enough, (the proverbial good girl), your life will be pert near perfect. If things are going well for the good girl, she will feel animated.

Being the good girl can also put a damper on (still) her creative life. Following all the rules and keeping everyone happy would have the effect of "stilling" her.

Do you identify with the good girl? I must admit I do.

Can you think of something else that does two things at once while seeming opposite? My mind and me would really appreciate your ideas!

Thanks for exploring the mystery and merry paradoxes to you!
                                Nicky Mendenhall

Strange Bedfellows: Priorities & Obstacles - #12

Establishing a Morning Routine, the class I'm enrolled in, takes place on Zoom. Postage-stamp-sized videos of attendees in rows inadvertently provide entertainment. It's difficult not to track participants as they jump up and down from their chairs, cats as they stroll leisurely across keyboards, or a cockatoo hopping around her owner's shoulders.  

Also entertaining, and difficult not to watch, is watching myself. I remember Nolan's comment that he has better posture after viewing himself on home security video and I understand more what he is talking about.

Last week I mentioned that thinking of the word priority as singular was a help. Here's what I'm thinking:

If this class is truly a priority, I would sign on while sitting in a room by myself. This would mean I could "raise my hand," be unmuted, and interact with Susan as if I was in the same room with her. I did this during class #one. Conversing in real time with a person I consider my teacher felt like an honor. The class seemed more vital and alive. 

I treated the second and third classes as one of several priorities. Yes, class was important and a priority but I also had other priorities: sitting in the living room (with earphones) basking in the Christmas tree lights, feeling in-sync to my reading-a-book partner and being careful to not disturb the peaceful atmosphere were all priorities for me.

Ironically, Susan focused on obstacles in the third class. The first obstacle, laziness, had three components. 

The first component was said to be ordinary. I can understand ordinary laziness - things like not moving out of my bed or chair. Experts say sitting is the new smoking. I struggle daily to have enough movement in my routine. I love to sit and read or sit and write.

The second component was described as being disheartened. It could also be described as a loss of faith.  I feel disheartened about our country and the deep divisions between us, not to mention my disappointment that we don't have a woman president.

The third way to be lazy is by being too busy. This is when we don't remember what is important. This gets us back to priorities.  

In this busy season it may be more important than ever to set a priority or determine what priorities we want to work toward.

Next post I will list my priority for December. Will you tell me what your priority for the rest of December will be?  Short one word answers and longer reflections welcomed. This question is not easy so don't be surprised if it takes you awhile to answer.

Also stay tuned for the paradox of taxidermy!

Thank you for making reading exploring the mystery a priority and not letting obstacles get in the way.   Nicky Mendenhall

What Constitutes A Crazy Comment? - #11

By the time you receive this, two of the four classes on establishing a morning routine will be over. As there weren't any comments last week, I can only assume you are too busy paying attention to what actually occurs when you get out of bed.  

I spoke to a friend who commented she didn't comment because she felt any comment she made about her morning routine of petting, feeding, and loving her kitten would appear crazy to others. I said I didn't think so. What do the rest of you think?

One reason for participating in a morning routine class is my list of what I want to accomplish in the morning is long. It often feels overwhelming.  I want to write, meditate, walk, exercise, read my emails, read the paper, prepare and eat breakfast. Each item begs to be first! 


One might say I should pick a priority. In a funny sort of way, hearing that the word priority is singular helped me deal with this problem. I'll explain more next week. 

What do you do first in the morning? What do you want to do?

Looking forward to your input &
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Grabs Your Attention In The Morning? - #10

Susan Piver, meditation teacher, writer, and creator of the Open Heart Project, offered an online class to OHP members on how to establish a morning routine. I signed up. 

The first class was Tuesday.  Two of her ideas interest me and I'm thinking about them and want to see what you think:

1. A morning routine is a way to check in with yourself. 

2. The days you follow through with the morning routine you design will be more satisfying than the days when you don't.

The class is for four weeks so I will be paying attention to these ideas. I would love to hear any thoughts you have on these two ideas or any other ideas on attention. I will be sharing what comes up for me during this process.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall