Nostalgia and Living Life Twice - #58

Leaving a Trace, the used book I purchased searching for ideas on how to manage censors, arrived from Amazon covered with old price stickers and black marks on the cover.  But the inside was clean and full of good ideas.

Today I will share the epigraph for Chapter IX by Patricia Hampl as it describes perfectly what I am experiencing while working on my memoir:

"To write about one's life is to live it twice, and the second living is both spiritual and historical, for a memoir reaches deep within the personality as it seeks its narrative form." 

Reading authors like Hampl inflames my desire to write words that engender deep feelings. I have one of Hampl's books with a moving subtitle of, "Sojourns in the Land of Memory."  

The subtitle was undoubtedly part of the reason I selected the picture above. The image is of my Father's house which was his Father's house. It no longer exists on the physical plane which is hard for me to believe; so much that was important in my life occurred within those now nonexistent walls.  

Autumn is such a rich season, full of letting go and preparation for going into the cave of winter. I feel sad that summer is gone while at the same time, grateful for the privilege of having memories.  

How do you manage the days becoming shorter? What, if anything, do you look forward to in the coming days? What do you remember fondly? What do you remember that brings unease? Has writing ever felt like living life twice? I'd love to know what you are thinking. Please email or go to comments section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

If you miss the Clue section - let me know.

How Important Are Details In Your Life? - #58

"Life is in the details" 

The quote under the above image is from Leaving a Trace, a book I have been mining for ways to manage censors. The book's main purpose is to help readers transform their life experiences into stories. I thought perhaps the quote would qualify as a homily - an advice giving lesson - but perhaps the phrase is more of a platitude. 

If,  "life is in the details," I find myself at a disadvantage. My big brown eyes viewed the distant world as blurred, not revealing any details. This myopic way of seeing meant trees were mysterious beautiful green globs. The detail of leaves didn't become apparent until prescription lenses in third grade. 

Now cataracts throw a sparkle to what I see, especially when walking the sidewalk in sunshine. While under the spell of sparkles, I don't look for details. I'm again captivated by the mysterious.  

Virginia Woolf described details in journals as "shivering fragments." Do you suppose she had cataracts?

Exploring old journals, looking for shivering fragments of  psychoanalytic wisdom to become part of my memoir is time consuming. When I find entries lacking details, I vow to be more aware and mindful when I journal each day. I don't always remember.

I've read that Freud (1909) made it a point to look for a high degree of particularity in whatever he was observing.  Psychoanalytic treatment focuses on details; details that can seem foolish and not worth attention; details that eventually become keys to understanding the past in the present.

Do you agree that life is in the details? Why? What details do you pay attention to? What details do you miss? Please give me the details!

CLUE: Set an intention to pay attention to ONE detail this week. Make it a detail that will make you happy to pay attention to! Our household is good at taking care of inventory - household items that we need. Paying attention and writing an item on the list when it is almost gone is a detail that makes our life easier.

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall 
  

Who Do You Find In Your Journal? - #57

Continuing to riffle through, Leaving a Trace, book purchased to discover more ways to manage censors, I've discovered several ideas that were helpful to me especially since I've been reading my old journals.

The book's author, Alexandra Johnson, says that when she began to read her old journals, she feared setting herself up for the double misery of finding no wisdom and seeing how awful the original writing was. Yet when reading, she felt a quiet shiver of surprise:

They weren't so bad!

She says she felt a strange fondness for "this someone else."  The someone else was her former self.  She realized that she wasn't the same person who had written the words she was rereading.

It has been emotionally wrenching and many times mystifying (what did I mean by that?) thumbing through my old journals in search of scenes from analytical sessions. Remnants that show how treatment was transformative. (If you are a writer you realize I am following the advice to show, not tell.)

It is true, I was someone else when writing in my 2009 journal. Not to mention 2010. Or any of the years up until 2018. This makes sense, especially since I am writing about the changes I've made through the psychoanalytic process.  

Have you ever read something you wrote in the past? Did it sound like you? What were you doing in 2009? Do you know how you have changed? How would you describe these changes? Please share with me how you deal with your former self. Do you have more than one?

CLUE for unraveling the mystery of the week: Ask someone you know and love (if you dare), how they see you as different from how you were in 2009. You may be surprised. If they say they don't see much change, congratulate yourself - you are the same wonderful person you have always been - or they wouldn't still be around! If they say you have changed for the better, congratulate yourself - change is difficult. If you are lucky enough to be gifted with a negative answer, congratulate yourself for knowing such an honest person and decide for yourself if there is truth in the reply and if there is, what steps you want to take in the future.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall 


Image - We haven't seen the guardian for awhile. Here she is with a raindrop clinging to the bottom of her new crystal - you have to look closely to see it!

Censoring the Censor - #56

Leaving a Trace: What a great title for an interesting book I  explored for ideas about censors. I was not disappointed in my search for censor managing tips, there were pages of ideas for dealing with the "fat tick" censor we heard about last week. 

Sometimes identifying censors, those inner voices that interfere with our happiness or block creativity, can be difficult. The tick may even call upon a former English teacher's advice to stop you from writing: "I" (no, not I, never use I),..."Well" (Don't use that either! Too casual, I have to impress with big words).  

I can be stumped by rules from the past - whether they be rules of grammar or rules of etiquette. At times I feel that other people know what is proper and I, metaphorically speaking, missed that class.

These days I often Google to clarify the rules I need to know. The answers are not usually as clear cut as I would like, but the lack of clarity helps me not take the censors so seriously.

Do you try and follow rules? Do you always know what the rules are? What do you do if you think there may be a rule but you don't know it? Please reply to this email or go to comments section. It is always so helpful to hear from you!

CLUE: Give yourself permission to rest, especially if you have a rainy afternoon. Put one pillow under your head and shoulders and another under your knees. Rest for five minutes. This position is good for relaxing your body. I'm investigating the Esther Gokhale method. If you want more information on Stretchlying on your back, visit her website: https://gokhalemethod.com/

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Image - couldn't resist this photo from my files after hearing today that there will be rain all weekend and into next week.