The word magic has always made me yearn to know the magician's tricks; how could part of a woman vanish when sawed in half? Where was the rabbit before pulled out of the hat?
When I began focusing on my inner life, there were times I wished for magic to vanish thoughts that made me anxious.
One thought in particular: Becoming obsessed about physical symptoms; fearing the symptom will get worse and/or never go away.
This week I started using a foot massager (because my massage therapist who does magic on my feet is not available), and my right foot (it's usually the left) began hurting.
Now whether the machine has anything to do with the pain or not, I don't know. But I want to stop focusing on the pain. It drags me down emotionally.
I haven't found a magic trick to make my thoughts disappear. It's not a trick but what I have discovered is that if I want to change my thoughts, I will need to become familiar with how my mind works.
Meditation is one way to learn how the mind works. You can get to know your mind in other ways: set an intention of being more aware of one thought that makes you miserable, see how often it comes up, get to know what triggers it.
Meditation is basically trying to focus on your breath or a mantra and then noticing what happens when your focus changes. Where does your mind go?
Meditation or however you chose to become aware of your thoughts, gives us access to the magic of transformation. The trick is to be consistent and open to change.
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
CLUE - Be open to the magic of transformation. It can be as simple as noting how the light looks when you get out of bed and how it is changing/transforming every day.
The image is from a particularly beautiful morning walk this week.
As the neurologist reviewed my MRI scan, I tried to take deep breaths, to not tense up and hold my breath. The exam room was outfitted with a table and large monitor. Eventually the Doctor raised his gaze from the screen, turned to face me, looked me in the eyes: "Parts of your brain are atrophied."
The above memory manifested in my mind shortly after the ceiling light over the bed flashed on. It was 1:30 A.M. This light has mysteriously turned on in the past but this is the first time my rude awakening resulted in a recollection.
Buddhists speak of events occurring because of causes and conditions. The shift in focus from what is behind us to a focus on what is inside us may be one cause and condition that brought up this memory. When I heard the word atrophy, there was, for me, an insinuation of failure. It was a difficult word to hear. I didn't want to remember this memory.
When I think about our new focus of going inside, I don't think of writing about the brain, I think about ideas that relate to the mind. Perhaps the nearly midnight memory is my unconscious trying to draw attention to the more biological aspect of going inside.
Am I worried about what the neurologist saw on the MRI scan? Of course. But since the shunt was inserted on February 28, 2017, I have felt the healthiest I have for years.
Maybe the lesson here is to not make assumptions about what we see but pay attention to what we feel.
How do the physical properties of the brain relate with our inner lives? Where do you think the mind is? What areas of your life do you need to look past appearances? Please let me know what you think and feel.
It appears that going inside is going to be interesting!
CLUE for the week: Celebrate summer and appreciate going outside without a coat and hat with both your brain and your mind. Let me know what you like best about summer if you are in the Northern Hemisphere!
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
Note: The mushrooms in the image above are from the walk where I encountered the ripped apart tree image last week. Wendell reported they were gone the next day.
After a wind storm and the flash flood of North Walnut Creek, walking on the concrete nature trail by our home meant stepping over dried mud and surveying damage to the woods. One tree was opened up in a manner I had never seen before and I tried to capture what I saw and felt when I came upon it.
I hope you can see how the tree is open to its core. It was shocking for me to see how utterly stripped apart the tree was. Apparently the wind behind blew it over because it was rotten inside.
The tree brought to mind a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote I had seen recently:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
I love this quote as it speaks to what is important to me and where our focus will be for the next few months: what is inside.
Watching a young child interact with others, witnessing an adult child make it through a life transition with integrity, cheering on a friend working out how to be in a long term relationship, or feeling your own inner landscape becoming larger are all ways of comprehending what lies within.
I hope you will be open to changing your focus of attention from what is behind you to what is inside you. I'm excited about our new direction!
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
CLUE for the week: Pay attention to your inner responses this week. How many times do you try and talk yourself out of what you are feeling? Be kind to yourself this week and cherish what is inside.
While making reservations for our June 15th, 55th class reunion, I felt stirrings of excitement. When it was time to hop on Highway 330, I wanted to back out. It was so hot. I knew only a small percentage of the 72 in the graduating class because we were together for just one year. I won't remember people's names. I'll get eaten alive by mosquitoes. It will take so much energy!
Online a few days later, I noticed a self-identified introvert reveal that frequently, after he made social plans, he wanted to back out.
As an introvert myself, I resonated.
Dan Blank, the moderator of this discussion and owner of WeGrowMedia, asked a question that caught my attention: Do introverts have to be drained by social interaction?
Dan went on to say that if introverts steer the conversation to topics that are enjoyable to them, the pleasure they feel may make up for the energy expended. His closing remark: "You might even be energized!"
I decided to try this out at the reunion. I wish I could say that all my conversations were pleasurable, but I can say that most of them were. And that is because I found a way to bring up my favorite subject: writing.
Here's the spot in this post where I would report fascinating conversations if I could. The noisy sweltering shelter house made remembering difficult for me because of another characteristic of introverts: Overstimulation impairs the ability to be present.
Arriving home after the event, I experienced a sense of satisfaction from the overall friendliness of people. I didn't have many deep conversations but I did enjoy myself. And I wasn't wiped out by the event - just tired.
Do you consider yourself an introvert? Whether an introvert or extrovert, do you ever want to back out of social plans? Do you?
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
CLUE: A word Dan uses frequently is obsession. Think of what you are obsessed with these days. What do you feel passionate about? Bring it up in a conversation. See if you gain energy. Let me know what happens.
Dan Blank helps writers and artists with their creative lives. Sign up for his free weekly newsletter at WeGrowMedia.
