Wendell (power behind the throne) says that when he is fly casting, knowing what is behind him is vital.
This week at my analyst's office, while free associating on her analytical couch, it didn't surprise me (given my obsession) that exploring the mystery's topic of what is in back came out of my mouth . I said quite a lot about how this was interesting to me and why.
I was astonished at the response: "I sit behind you and you have your back to me."
Her observation (I wondered immediately why this hadn't occurred to me) nudged me to ponder, this time in nonliteral ways, the importance of what is in back of me. That her observation had this effect on me is fascinating because her observation was literal: she sits behind me and I lie with my back to her.
Consistent with the psychoanalytic approach, her words helped me go to another level of thinking. And I'm still thinking.
It seems we often do not know what is behind us. If I don't use a mirror to check the hair on the back of my head, I risk exposing my pink scalp through my thinning white hair. This speaks to a literal interpretation. Why having my pink scalp show feels shameful is a question that comes from thinking nonliterally.
By investigating this question, what will discover about myself? Why does it feel so wrong to show my scalp?
Is there something weird behind you that you don't quite understand? Have you ever been astonished? I'd also like to hear more literal ideas about the importance of what is in back. Please tell us in the comment section anything you think pertinent to this discussion.
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
PS - The image above was from a trip to Amsterdam in 2016. You may not be able to see the rats painted on the man's leather jacket but I saw them and recoiled, after snapping the photo of course.
PPS - I appreciate your insightful responses that now reside in the comment section which is behind the post (really at the end of post but I couldn't resist). There are 12 from last week alone. See if you can figure out how to post in the comment section or simply hit reply to this email which will send your comment to me and I can paste it in. Let me know if you want me to use your full name, first name, or anonymous.
Interesting post. I like to be aware of what's behind me because I'm a protector, and I don't like to be vulnerable. Not only do I try and protect myself, but I feel compelled to protect my husband, my dog, and anyone I feel responsible for as well. So, I'm always scanning the area around me.
ReplyDeleteI like to be aware of not only what is behind me, but also what is over my head, or under my feet. (That's probably because I spend a lot of time in the woods and knowing what your about to step on or who is above you and might poop in your hair is a good thing.)
Susan - thanks so much for taking the time to comment on the post. I think it must be hard for a protector to keep aware of everything around.
DeleteOn the one hand it seems you have to work very hard but on the other, it undoubtedly means your life is full of mindfulness.
I like thinking of you walking in the woods. Some people call it taking forest baths which I always liked the sound of and practice as many times in the week as i can.
Thanks. Hope you come back to visit and comment!
Several versions of I’ve got your back popped into my head, positive ones that I can think of, yes laying on the couch and Nikki had my back, my massage therapist and my chiropractor have my back, and when I am at preschool and the 12 children following me, have my back, good thing because I’m supposed to be the line leader... and one other thing comes to mind, my divorce attorney had my back... my credit cards have my back if needed. my negative thought of what’s behind my back would be a-shopping cart, death row inmates , The warden has his back, a police car following me too. close has my back. Also what’s behind my back? An angry dog running behind me, a football flying in the air behind my head, I too use a mirror to check out my hair I don’t like to go past my head because if I go down any further to my backside wow that’s A very big Jenny Craig moment that I don’t want to see.A 3 way mirror,... hi Lauren this on a positive note, my friends and my family always have my back.💃
ReplyDeleteOh REbecca - I love all of your versions! How creative of you to think of all those ways you are supported! I hadn't thought of my credit cards as support but they certainly are!
DeleteI'm curious who Lauren is?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! My best to you,
I’m not sure if I am astounded by our security cam capturing me from behind, but I’m always surprised by how old I look.
ReplyDeleteNolan - I find it astounding how old I look when preparing for an Instagram post and the camera is focused on me so I think I must have the same feeling you have. At least you aren't as old as I am!
DeleteI find the discoveries made in therapy fascinating and the particular one you mentioned REALLY interested me--how things are seemingly so obvious {you were discussing the "things behind" thing and your analyst is behind you--literally and figuratively (I imagine she "has your back")} and sometimes we just don't see them! The different layers of "behind" really interest me too. The literal and the figurative; the concrete--in the moment--and the past. It is an extremely rich topic with lots to uncover and explore.
ReplyDeleteDiane - It feels to me that you are with me and "get" what I'm writing about. I like how you restated what I had said - I could hear what the post was covering more clearly in your words.
DeleteI appreciate your interest and sense that there is more to uncover and explore.
There certainly is!
Nikki: love this idea. What jumps to my mind is something literal. Coleridge, the great English Romantic poet (author of The Ancient Mariner) said this: “Memory is the flip side of Inagination.” I read this as whatever I remember I can use to create. So I try to remember as much as possible... thanks for the prompt!
ReplyDelete