Plum As Teacher Even Though Not Pictured - #28

exploring the mystery wants to help you discover how to be the person you want to be. Often posts concern the importance of maturing. I have written in the past how to raise our level of consciousness. Do those ideas explain why you read these posts?

Sometimes an analogy can worm its way into our brain and help us feel things that are difficult to put into words. I owe my inspiration for this post to Tagore, a Bengali polymath. My rendition may not capture the excitement I felt when initially reading but I trust you will at least find comfort or wisdom.

Think of a plum hanging on a tree. The plum clings tightly to the tree branch. The outer skin of the plum molds itself tightly against the plum's flesh. The flesh snugs itself against the seed. The plum is hard. 

Because of its condition, it is not wise to separate the plum from the tree or try to separate the skin from the flesh. There is no benefit to be gained from prying the tough flesh from the seed.

As time passes, the plum lets go of its hold on the branch. The plum ripens, the skin gradually becomes softer and stops clinging to the flesh so tightly. The flesh softens around the seed. 

Do you sense the vital need to embrace the spirit of letting go as you age? Can you think of other examples in Nature that would give this message? Let me know what you think, I really would like to know. Hit reply to the email or go to the comments section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Mystery Spiritual? - #27

I'm excited to report that I have finished reading blog posts from 2012 - 2015. Now on to year 2016. Some of you have been regular contributors and I want to express my gratitude for your faithfulness to exploring the mystery.

The word mystery implies, I've been told, something spiritual. I remember when I sat down with a man from Adel to develop my blog. One of the first questions he asked me: What do you want to name it?

I still wonder where the title came from. It seemed to just flow out of my mouth: exploring the mystery. I've liked the freedom that the name has given me though I often stumble when asked what mysteries are explored. 

In the next three months, my focus will be on developing a clear focus for this blog. I would love it if you emailed me a word or two that you think describes what we do here.

I've read that the memory of spiritual intensity in childhood is a yardstick for measuring spiritual experiences for the rest of our lives. 

It's interesting to ponder this today, the day my Aunt emailed me the news that her father's, who was my grandfather, birthday is today. He would be 124.  Grandpa and Grandma were responsible for initiating my interest in spirituality. They picked me up on the farm and gave me a ride into town where we all attended the Methodist Church.

I remember one of the Sunday School teachers convincing me to persuade my parents to attend church. This was undoubtedly the birth of my missionary self.

Do you have a memory of spiritual intensity from your childhood that has influenced how spirituality played out in your life? Would you please share it with us? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What's Your Purpose or Mission? - #26

Retiring from your life's work is a huge step. For me it has taken time to let go of my role as a therapist and to let go of knowing what is happening in the lives of people I cared about. Time to remember that I no longer have to position my calendar so no one can see what's written in it. Time to get used to no checks to deposit.  

I think it makes sense that when people retire, they might be susceptible to a reality distortion field. See post #25 for reference.   

As you will see if you look at the comments related to #25,  the meaning of reality distortion field is still somewhat mysterious. But one thing I'm certain of is that it isn't a field of dreams. Staying out of it seems a good move.

But how?

It occured to me that if I was clear about my purpose in life, it might be easier to stay non-distorted. The following statement speaks to NOW and will, like everything, change:  

"In my former life as a psychotherapist, I listened to client stories. Now I will  write my own. A life focused on writing will contain daily journal entries, work on creating “product” from body of work, and  frequent documentation of personal analysis to discern if desire to create memoir is sustainable. Weekly blog posts and frequent instagram offerings will be creative outlets and provide opportunities for staying connected to friends, family, and writing community."

I'm sharing this with you because composing it, which took lots more time than you would think, helped me feel more grounded. I thought you might like to write up your own purpose statement, even if you aren't retired, and send it for us to see or tell us if it had any effect on your life.

Thanks for reading and remaining a part of this evolving community.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Moldy Oldies - Revisiting 2012 - #25

exploring the mystery post, published on March 9, 2012, contains a phrase that still intrigues me. Extra points if you remember the phrase, or for that matter, anything from such an ancient post. How's your long term memory?  

The phrase: "reality distortion field." I had discovered this phrase while reading Walter Isaacson's biography of Steve Jobs in 2012. At that time, I  described the phrase as similar to how anxiety affects our views. 

Today I might define a reality distortion field as an internal pattern with a defensive nature. 

Here's an example: If my fear is that when another person is upset with me I won't be able to handle it, I may look out at the world from behind a reality distortion field that makes it seem as if everyone is mad at me.  Isn't it weird how we always seem to focus on the negative?

With reality distorted, when I hear an unusual tone in the other person's voice, I will be certain I have done something to upset them. The reality distortion field has worked. 

Can you think of an example of a positive reality distortion field?
I want to but have spent an inordinate amount of time on this post so I need to stop. (Pun intended - I need to stop.)

And in closing - would you believe that I put a little bit of sucanat (sugar) on my oatmeal this morning? Well, I did. I woke up missing the sweet taste so I figured I would try a little bit.  Then today I received a lovely comment from Connie extolling the virtues of moderation which seemed to affirm my decision. 

And just between us, thank heavens it didn't taste as good as I thought it would though initially it was disappointing that it wasn't wonderful but now that I write about it, I think it was a good result. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

New Instagram NickyHiattMendenhall - #24

My latest adventure - a new account on Instagram!

In keeping with our theme exploring the mystery, I will be posting images of things that are difficult for us to see.  

In the image above you will have to look closely to see the sign on the bicycle that says "can't stop." This photo, from a sidewalk-cafe window in Amsterdam aroused my curiosity. I wanted to ask the owner what they couldn't stop. Since I didn't see the rider I will ask you: 

What is it that you can't stop? 

I want to stop feeling so addicted to sugar. I find it nearly impossible, once my sweet tooth is activated, to say no.  My usual breakfast is a bowl of organic steel cut oatmeal. My habit has been to top this with a teaspoon of sucanat (whole cane sugar with molasses).

One morning about a week ago, I decided that if I was serious about managing my addictive feelings toward sugar, eliminating this spoonful in the morning was a place to start.

The first few days without succanaut were pretty rough. The oatmeal tasted flat and dull. It took nearly a week before I didn't crave that sugar taste. This morning I hardly noticed it wasn't there. It helped to pour on ground flax seed, chia seeds, walnuts, pomegranate powder, and cacao nibs.  

We went out to lunch today at one of our favorite restaurants, Table 128. When you walk out the door there is a plateful of free chocolate chip cookies.  I didn't take one. 

I don't want to stop eating sugar forever. I just want to be able to stop when I want to stop.


What is it that you can't stop? Maybe you can tell us something good for yourself that you can't stop doing! For me right now, I can't stop buying books!

How do you get yourself to stop when you want to? Is there anything that you want to stop? What is it that you can't stop? 

I'll explain more next time the thinking behind my Instagram adventure. In the meantime, if you have an Instagram account, please email me your address! I'd love to see it. I made my account a private account so you will have to request to follow me and I sincerely hope you do!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

 

Jung on Paradox - Remember Paradox? - #23

Do you enjoy having a project in process? Part of me likes the feeling of steady progress that occurs as I continue working towards termination. Another part of me wants the end result. 

I'm thinking about conflicting feelings as I currently have a project.

Paul* figured out how to print my blog posts from 2012 to this year. I'm now going to read all 356 of them and make a note about each.  I have finished reading posts from 2012 and am in the middle of reading posts from 2013. 

At this juncture I'm uncertain why I'm doing this. I have a vague notion that I want to create something from this body of work. I love seeing the comments from all of you. I appreciate your loyalty for all these years. Thank you!

Brene Brown** quotes Carl Jung: "The paradox is one of our most valuable spiritual possessions...only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life." 

Remember when we explored paradox? I wonder what year that was? I don't recall thinking of paradox as a spiritual possession. Do you?

While conflicting feelings about my project do not technically qualify as a paradox, I want to use them  to feel the fullness of life and not become discouraged.

When you are working on a long project, how do you stay motivated? Any ideas for me of what to create with 300+ posts?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Paul  Schwegler, owner of Little Dog Tech, 515 422 1995.
*Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness, (2017), p.155.

Is it easy for you to pause? - #22

Fatigue was my constant companion from last Wednesday afternoon until Monday morning. After someone told me that fatigue is a symptom of this year's flu and that my body likely was trying to fight it off, I spent most of my time in bed.  Since I didn't feel like doing anything anyway, I slept.

Now that I'm feeling better, it's not as easy to take it easy. I want to do laundry and straighten up messes.  I feel as if my immune system needs plenty of rest. But when I put my feet up, my mind won't settle down. 

The body is largely a mystery to explore isn't it?  

I've been noticing that Susan Piver assures us breathing happens automatically during meditation instructions. That when we pause after an exhale, we don't have to worry because the body will start the breath again.

Think of it - the body has built a pause into our breathing pattern.
Stop for a moment and pay attention to the pause that happens.  

Enjoy the pause and stay well!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Assessments & Celebrations: Necessary? - #21

I am enrolled in a three month experience where every week we  are asked to assess our work and share what we celebrate. The first time this request came across my screen, I grimaced. I didn't want to do it. What good does it do to go over old stuff?

After several weeks making myself assess and celebrate, I now wonder why I initially resisted. 

Here's some possibilities:  I didn't want to slow down. Fear of disappointment. Anxiety about stopping what I'm working on. Maybe a bit of each? 

Today, finishing a thoughtful assessment and celebration proved  how important assessment can be. Because I started to think and to plan for my assessment yesterday, I had time to scroll through old conversations and found this gem:

Exploring the mystery of life as is, right here, right now. 

This sentence, buried in a conversation from several days ago, would have been missed if not for my need to reassess.   I think it describes this blog's purpose. I'm celebrating!

Do you take time to assess how you are doing on your goals? Say for instance, you want to be more in the moment. How do you assess your progress? Do you fear disappointment? And how do you celebrate progress? Please let me know!

Thanks for exploring the mystery of assessment and celebration!
Nicky Mendenhall

NOTE: Two people notified me they posted a comment, a comment that I did not receive. When you post on the blog, the post comes to me to be approved so you won't see it right away. If you check back after a few hours and it's not there, it is likely I didn't receive it because I love posting comments. Please email it to me as I celebrate every comment!

When Are You Dazed & Unfocused? - #20

In last week's post I mentioned how cotton wool came over me before my surgery last year. None of you wrote describing your cotton wool moments. Perhaps my example was too extreme.

Here's a more usual Cotton Wool Monday Moment: 

At my regular afternoon appointment with my analyst, I couldn't think of anything to say. Everything that came to mind, I deemed unworthy. 

I wasn't aware of this at the time: I was wrapped in cotton wool. The thing is, there were questions and there were incidents to report.  But similar to how Dani Shapiro described Virginia Woolf's cotton wool state, I was dazed and unfocused.

If you are looking for a foolproof solution to guarantee this will never happen to you - I don't have it.

The reason I share my D & U moments with you is that when you feel D & U, you won't feel alone. These feelings are part of being human.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Woolf's Cotton Wool Moments- #19

I'm renewing my commitment to write short posts, posts that can be read in the "moment." Reading exploring the mystery is to help you  experience your humanness and know you are not alone.

When a post is trying to explore more than a moment's worth of material, I will end it. There will be weeks (like last week) when you will feel the type of frustration I used to experience between episodes of the old fashioned TV soap operas.  

So what are cotton wool moments? My guess is you have felt something akin to them. Last February I was in a cotton wool moment while waiting for surgery. 

Dani Shapiro* explains there are days when she is trapped in what Virginia Woolf called cotton wool. She describes this as a dazed, unfocused state in which the hours collapse, one flattening into the next. 

Have you ever had moments like this? Please share your cotton wool moments with me and our community of explorers! And I'd love to know how short posts work for you. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
* Dani Shapiro, page 60 of Still Writing: The Perils and Pleasures of a Creative Life (2013)

The Present Moment in Cotton Wool - #18

Thanks for sharing your ideas on "living in the moment" and "living for the moment." The comment section has several bits of wisdom. 

Dealing with the ubiquitous television noise which was competing with piped in radio rackett in the dermatology waiting room this week was a challenge for me. I am used to silence.    

Despite my initial irritation, without much effort I was able to block out both sounds. I just didn't pay attention to them.

During the type of meditation I practice, the focus is on the breath. Susan Piver, my meditation mentor, always reminds us that the mind will continue to make thoughts because that is what the mind does. The instruction is to watch the thoughts come in and then watch them go out. Don't get attached to them.   

If you don't meditate you can use this advice to not get too wound up in your thoughts. Remembering that the mind's job is to produce thoughts, we can decide how much attention we want to pay to them. 

I hope you are able to wait to find out how cotton wool is related to the present moment as I've run out of space. I promise to fill you in next week. In the meantime, pay attention to the moment you are in and have a deviled egg on me!

Thanks for exploring the mystery of moments - Nicky Mendenhall

So What Does It Feel Like To Be In The Moment? #17

My attempts to be in the moment have brought to my attention a feeling akin to my knees standing guard over my feet. I doubt that makes sense - it's kind of hard to explain; truly a weird feeling. I think it is the opposite of feeling grounded.

When there is a question of this magnitude, I ask my sons. My oldest son was visiting. I told him my feeling of hovering over my feet and he advised me to pay attention to my legs. This has helped.  Feeling grounded is a great feeling and I want more of it!

Part of being in the moment must be feeling grounded - to the earth. I want to understand what else is involved in being in the moment but first I want to explore this question with you:

What is the difference - if there is one - in the saying "live for the moment" and the saying "live in the moment"? Do you feel different when someone says "live for the moment" than you do when someone says "live in the moment"?

What is the difference between for and in? Let me know what you think. If you don't think there is any difference, just hit reply to this email and say NO. 

Thanks for exploring the moment's mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The Paradox of Aging - #16

Have you ever noticed that when you are ready to hear a message,  you see it wherever you look?  I keep bumping into the idea that most of the time people fight through the trauma of an accident or the shock of receiving a "bad" diagnosis. 

When my medical scare with NPH took place in late 2016,  I don't think I knew this. Fearing needles my entire life and horrified at drastic medical procedures I'd heard of others having to endure,  , giving up seemed an option,

Of course I didn't say this out loud. Luckily my analyst and husband, sons and grandchildren, were able to help me see a different picture. 

In an article by John Leland, Sunday New York Times this week, I read this statement: "The truth is, people get better. An acute accident (and I add a scary diagnosis) doesn't have to be the end."

The article pointed out that when people have a premature feeling of when the end begins, it is harmful in terms of what care they seek. I think this speaks to what I was experiencing. When I couldn't walk and didn't believe I ever would again, it seemed like the end. I didn't want to seek the care I needed.

In the same article, gerontologists reported that the paradox of old age is that as people's minds and bodies decline, instead of feeling worse about their lives, they feel better. 

Does this seem like a true paradox to you? What is the hardest thing about getting older for you? Do you feel ready to fight for your life when troubles appear?

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox!  Nicky Mendenhall

Whoops I Almost Forgot! - #15

Just remembered that I promised to report what my focus was for December but didn't follow through!

My priority for December was to exercise. I did pretty well except for yesterday (Saturday) when I couldn't make myself do anything. But I was back at it today for thirty minutes even though it was my day off.

My overall priority for 2018 is exercise. My intention is to do some exercise or movement six days a week and take Sunday off. I will keep you posted.  

I'm taking the word priority at its most basic meaning - as singular. I, of course, will have other priorities but want to declare exercise as my #1 priority.

I would love to hear what your #1 priority will be for the new year. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Insight By Its Nature Paradoxical? - #14

For as long as I can remember, wanderlust was a reason for living and the reason I saved money. Because of a health scare early this year, we didn't venture out into the world in 2017. My desire to travel evaporated and my partner followed suit. All we could see were the obstacles: tiny airplane seats, crowds, long waits in line, hassles.

As the new year approaches there are questions bubbling in my brain. Will my yearning return? If not, what will replace what I gained in foreign lands?  

A source of insight for me is the Rabindranath Tagore Reader which has been residing in the main bathroom since September 2016. Recently I underlined Tagore's response to a woman friend who wrote him describing  her travels: 

"You move yourself, but I remain stationary while everything before me moves."

Perhaps this sentence grabbed my attention because Tagore was expressing what I've been feeling. Not much feels the same to me even though I haven't traveled.

Or maybe Tagore is speaking of paradox like we did last week?

Has something you always thought you wanted lost its appeal? Did you ever gain it back? Can you share an example of a paradoxical situation? Do you think that life has paradox at its core? Would you rather stay home? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox & life with me!
Nicky Mendenhall

*Image is me in Hong Kong a few years ago satisfying my desire to return to the bustling city after a fabulous visit in 1994.

A Taxidermy Break! - #13

I am giddy with joy at having a live fragrant tree in our house. With darkness coming so early the colored lights, our only decoration, satisfy my need for light. I'm not feeling the frenzy of the season quite as much this year because my gratitude for being mobile and healthy crowds out petty worries.

I do want to think of nonseasonal things occasionally so I figure maybe you would too. As they say on Monty Python, "And now for something completely different":

The paradox of taxidermy is that it both reanimates and stills.

I can't stop thinking about the idea that something can do two seemingly opposing things - animate and still. I'd like to give credit  but all  I have in front of me is a two inch piece of ripped newsprint. I didn't know my mind would continue to masticate on this idea or I would have saved more of the article.

Of course my question is, what else has this paradoxical nature?  

Here's what I've come up with: 

Let's say your priority is to be good and your fantasy is that if you are good enough, (the proverbial good girl), your life will be pert near perfect. If things are going well for the good girl, she will feel animated.

Being the good girl can also put a damper on (still) her creative life. Following all the rules and keeping everyone happy would have the effect of "stilling" her.

Do you identify with the good girl? I must admit I do.

Can you think of something else that does two things at once while seeming opposite? My mind and me would really appreciate your ideas!

Thanks for exploring the mystery and merry paradoxes to you!
                                Nicky Mendenhall

Strange Bedfellows: Priorities & Obstacles - #12

Establishing a Morning Routine, the class I'm enrolled in, takes place on Zoom. Postage-stamp-sized videos of attendees in rows inadvertently provide entertainment. It's difficult not to track participants as they jump up and down from their chairs, cats as they stroll leisurely across keyboards, or a cockatoo hopping around her owner's shoulders.  

Also entertaining, and difficult not to watch, is watching myself. I remember Nolan's comment that he has better posture after viewing himself on home security video and I understand more what he is talking about.

Last week I mentioned that thinking of the word priority as singular was a help. Here's what I'm thinking:

If this class is truly a priority, I would sign on while sitting in a room by myself. This would mean I could "raise my hand," be unmuted, and interact with Susan as if I was in the same room with her. I did this during class #one. Conversing in real time with a person I consider my teacher felt like an honor. The class seemed more vital and alive. 

I treated the second and third classes as one of several priorities. Yes, class was important and a priority but I also had other priorities: sitting in the living room (with earphones) basking in the Christmas tree lights, feeling in-sync to my reading-a-book partner and being careful to not disturb the peaceful atmosphere were all priorities for me.

Ironically, Susan focused on obstacles in the third class. The first obstacle, laziness, had three components. 

The first component was said to be ordinary. I can understand ordinary laziness - things like not moving out of my bed or chair. Experts say sitting is the new smoking. I struggle daily to have enough movement in my routine. I love to sit and read or sit and write.

The second component was described as being disheartened. It could also be described as a loss of faith.  I feel disheartened about our country and the deep divisions between us, not to mention my disappointment that we don't have a woman president.

The third way to be lazy is by being too busy. This is when we don't remember what is important. This gets us back to priorities.  

In this busy season it may be more important than ever to set a priority or determine what priorities we want to work toward.

Next post I will list my priority for December. Will you tell me what your priority for the rest of December will be?  Short one word answers and longer reflections welcomed. This question is not easy so don't be surprised if it takes you awhile to answer.

Also stay tuned for the paradox of taxidermy!

Thank you for making reading exploring the mystery a priority and not letting obstacles get in the way.   Nicky Mendenhall

What Constitutes A Crazy Comment? - #11

By the time you receive this, two of the four classes on establishing a morning routine will be over. As there weren't any comments last week, I can only assume you are too busy paying attention to what actually occurs when you get out of bed.  

I spoke to a friend who commented she didn't comment because she felt any comment she made about her morning routine of petting, feeding, and loving her kitten would appear crazy to others. I said I didn't think so. What do the rest of you think?

One reason for participating in a morning routine class is my list of what I want to accomplish in the morning is long. It often feels overwhelming.  I want to write, meditate, walk, exercise, read my emails, read the paper, prepare and eat breakfast. Each item begs to be first! 


One might say I should pick a priority. In a funny sort of way, hearing that the word priority is singular helped me deal with this problem. I'll explain more next week. 

What do you do first in the morning? What do you want to do?

Looking forward to your input &
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Grabs Your Attention In The Morning? - #10

Susan Piver, meditation teacher, writer, and creator of the Open Heart Project, offered an online class to OHP members on how to establish a morning routine. I signed up. 

The first class was Tuesday.  Two of her ideas interest me and I'm thinking about them and want to see what you think:

1. A morning routine is a way to check in with yourself. 

2. The days you follow through with the morning routine you design will be more satisfying than the days when you don't.

The class is for four weeks so I will be paying attention to these ideas. I would love to hear any thoughts you have on these two ideas or any other ideas on attention. I will be sharing what comes up for me during this process.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Lamott's 2 Best Prayers - #9

This is the week to increase our attention on things we are thankful for.  I am thankful for your attention.

The series on prayer that we are wrapping up today was the result of running across  Simone Weil's quote: "Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer" (Post #2).

If you haven't read the comments for Posts 2-8, take a minute to do so. You will be amazed at the wisdom offered by readers of exploring the mystery.

Before we we shift our attention back to attention, I wanted to share this quote on prayer from Anne Lamott:*  

"Here are the two best prayers I know: "Help me, help me, help me," and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." A woman I know says, for her morning prayer, "Whatever," and then for the evening, "Oh, well," but has conceded that these prayers are more palatable for people without children." 

Have you learned anything about prayer that excites you? What do you think of Lamott's prayers? What is it easy for you to pay attention to? What is difficult for you to pay attention to? Are you glad we are going back to attention?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Found on Page 83 of Roy Peter Clark's excellent book, Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies For Every Writer (2008).

Prayer Not Answered - #8

I am participating in a three week program exploring impermanence. The assignment each day is to photograph or think of examples in our daily lives of impermanence.  
  
Becky, our broken-toed-healed STEP instructor returned to class on Wednesday.  Formulating questions began the second I spotted her because of my desire to know her ideas on using "prayer position" at the end of our sessions, and to fulfill the promise I made in Post #6.  I was convinced  a worthwhile story would unfold if I asked the right questions.

Much to my surprise at the end of our session she didn't use the term "prayer position."

She said: Lower your arms and put your hands on your chest. 

After class many sweaty bodies gathered around her, each with a question or concern. There were so many people that when it was my turn I felt the need to be quick and maybe sounded accusatory when I said:

"You didn't say put hands in prayer position."  

She looked shocked and stammered: "I always do, you mean I didn't?"  

And that was pretty much the end of our conversation as she moved on to interact with others.

How do you deal with impermanence? Any more thoughts on prayer? Where do you fight against reality?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Continuing to Explore the Mystery (Of Prayer?): - #7

I confess to many years praying intercessory prayers to a deity,  many years confessing my wrong doings to a deity, and many years  praying prayers of thanksgiving to a deity.  

These days when feelings swell inside me (that's how it feels), I try to forget about what I'm doing and pay attention to my breath. A few seconds is all I usually manage but even that short time feels like a pause in the action.

Different things happen during this pause. At times an awareness of something more than what I can see or know arises and gratitude ensues. This pause can also be full of angst.  

Sometimes when I pause and note either what is happening outside of me or what is happening inside of me, thoughts of the old type of prayers come to mind and I wonder what I am doing.   

My description of what I am attempting sounds more clear than it  feels. I am exploring what prayer is in my life as we ponder these ideas together. I'd love to hear what you think.

I'm reading a book about a nun who was ordained in Thailand. One of her tasks is to note what is happening. Shortly after ordination she was instructed to be note what was going on fifteen hours a day. Maybe this "noting" is what we could call being in the present moment. Would she say she was praying fifteen hours a day?

 Do you think being in the present moment is prayer? Are most of your prayers asking for something? confessing something? expressing thanksgiving? Do you do something else besides prayer? What do you name it?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Have You Ever Prayed For Your Big Toe? - #6

Our STEP aerobics instructor Becky brings class to a close with specific instructions: raise your arms above your head, lower them, end with your hands in prayer position.   

No one ever asks what she means by prayer position.

Becky recently broke her big toe. This meant for a couple days she led the class without using a polyethylene step. She performed moves directly on the floor which I thought put her in good company because that's what I do.   

I wonder how Becky would define prayer. I wonder if she's prayed about her big toe? I'm going to ask her when she gets back from two weeks of recovery and her daughter's wedding.

This week my Mindfulness on the Go* card suggests that several times a day I become aware of my posture. Posture and position are related.  I'm experimenting with keeping my body in active plank as much as I can manage.  

My question to you is do you have a prayer posture or position?
Do you know how to do an active plank? Do you pay attention to your posture? If you do, does it help in any way and how do you remember to pay attention? Do you have any more thoughts about prayer?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


* Mindfulness on the Go Cards, 52 Simple Meditation Practices You Can Do Anywhere created by Jan Chozen Bays, MD

EXTRA: Halloween Horoscope Help - #5

Reading my horoscope on October 28, 2017, I felt a spooky resonance:

"What works for other people won't necessarily work for you, and what works for you won't necessarily work for others. Still, the recommendations will be appreciated, and a nice way to connect."

Comments received in response to my questions are very insightful. This is an invitation to visit the blog and read them. Click on the word comments at the end of the post. I think that will work. I realize that my instructions before weren't altogether accurate which gives me a sense of compassion for those who compose instruction manuals.

When you go trick or treating, try this joke: "Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?"
     Because the "p" is silent.

Happy Halloween from Nicky & exploring the mystery!

This post is not exactly about prayer either - #4

I used to believe there was one right answer for every question.  

I used to believe there was one God and he was a HE.  

In the twenty first century (that phrase sounds dramatic to me) it has become evident that instead of one right answer there are many answers; instead of one God there are multiple ways to relate to our feelings of awe and despair.

In the 80's, Sunday mornings found me practicing meditation with Zen Buddhists followed by participating in Sunday School Class and Worship Service at Grace United Methodist Church.  

One result of this double feature Sunday morning was a personal essay which I shudder to remember I read aloud during a Zen vegetarian potluck. My revelation, shocking to me at the time. was that I often felt connected to Jesus when I meditated.

I shudder because at that time I firmly believed that Christianity was the only way and believed that's why my mind went there while meditating. I remember nods and averted eyes. 

This memory was triggered by reading that Thomas Merton's prayer was not one of words or intellect or even imagination. His prayer had no form but was a simple attention of the mind.

Do you believe there is one answer? Do you believe in one God?
Tell me about your way of praying.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - NIcky Mendenhall

Attention Is Not (on) Prayer Today -- #3

A few brave souls respond when I ask for feedback on attention and prayer. I'm full of  gratitude for comments.*  

Prayer is routine for Merton but as subject matter for today's post, elusive for me. Instead we'll explore attention. Recently it occurred to me that paying attention to the feeling of breath in my body during meditation was becoming a little easier.  

Dressing for Ai Chi water class last week was therefore quite humbling. When I pulled my new black maillot swimsuit on I wondered why there was so much floppy fabric on my abdomen. What a shock to realize that I was putting it on backwards!

According to the Merton Master of Attention book, the purpose of attention is to see better. Seeing beauty, especially wabi sabi, is important to me. Attention makes lots of things possible.  

You can bet I'm now paying more attention in the locker room. What do you want or need to pay more attention to or see more of? What do you want to see better? Any thoughts on routine prayer?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*To read the comments click on the underlined exploring the mystery  at the bottom of the email you are reading. When you click you will be directed to this post on the blog. Scroll down through post and find the word "comment" at the end. Click on the word comment & you will be directed to the comment section of blog. You will need to scroll up or down to see comments or for that matter, leave a comment. Once you post a comment, don't expect to see it immediately as first it comes to me to be approved and I check email at various times.  

May I Have Your Attention? - #2

My gratitude goes out to everyone who responded to exploring the mystery. It was fun to receive your comments and greetings. I'm impressed that many of you are concentrating on being in the present moment.   

A book entitled Thomas Merton: Master of Attention by Robert Waldron is now on my book stack. I was intrigued by the word attention in the title as I think being in the present moment is paying attention. I've never been a big fan of Merton but wanted to see what Waldron would say about Merton and attention. Attention is quite the buzzword.

One of the most interesting things in the book so far is a quote by Simone Weil: "Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer." 

What do you think of this statement? I still think about it. I'd love to hear your perspective. Do you pray?  What is prayer? What is unmixed attention?  Is being in the present moment paying attention?

My goal is to publish on Fridays. 

Quick Question: Two of my sisters asked what was in my mouth in the photo on the blog, Do you know?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

WELCOME BACK AFTER NINE MONTHS - #1

Nine months has been enough time 

- to begin a meaningful relationship with my body. Initially the diagnosis of NPH manifested suffering and despair. Fortunately the power and effect of Love was more potent.

- to discover and stay mindful of psychological patterns.  In an interview I heard Anne Lamott say she had agreed not to see what was going on growing up; realizing this is also true for me.

- to read and study memoirs, novels, creativity books, biographies, Buddhist/Christian literature and then initiate an exhilarating search for works referenced by these authors.  

- to encounter multiple quotes that nourish me and remind me of my basic goodness. Sometimes it is the tiniest suggestion that makes a difference. I want to share these with you!

- to notice I appreciate colors, textures, shapes and want to create images. My trickster wants you to wonder: "What is that?"

 - to note the multiple times my intention was to show appreciation for something I read online but then failed. Don't be like me.

- to observe the political climate and anguish over the deep divisions between people; remain clear this is not political blog.

If you continue to explore the mystery expect fitness tips, seeing me as I am and inspiring tidbits from the treasure of books I've amassed.  A common denominator: evolution.  

I'd love to know what you have given birth to in the last nine months. What mysteries have you encountered and explored? Email me or use the challenging-to-find comment section so others can see your reaction. We learn from each other.

New photo on blog shows what I do after taking down my shingle.  Please check it out by clicking on the underlined link at the bottom of this email or click on Exploring the Mystery .

Thanks for reading.
Nicky Mendenhall

We've had a lot of fun exploring the mystery through the years. I hope you have learned from this blog and had some fun. 

Time to stop posting for now. I encourage you to go around the corner and create your own blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Two Views For Us To Ponder - #241

If you open exploring the mystery on the web (www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com), you will see a banner that features the trumpet vine that you see above. Compare the two images; do they evoke different feeling tones in you?

The change in my sense of the country I live in, and may I say of myself before the election on November 8, 2016, and my sense of self after, may be nearly as radical as the difference between the glistening green leaves with mysterious black opening and the tangled brown stems and leaves struggling to survive.  

I marvel at my naivety in Post 237, glibly quoting  Singh: "to open to what is, we may feel jolted out of our usual way of seeing ourselves and our world."

There is much to say regarding this sea change, but not tonight and maybe never. exploring the mystery is not a political blog. I wanted to acknowledge a question I received from a faithful reader: "What mystery is too painful to explore?"

For now, this is my answer.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Two Views For Us To Ponder - #241

If you open exploring the mystery on the web (www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com), you will see a banner that features the trumpet vine that you see above. Compare the two images; do they evoke different feeling tones in you?

The change in my sense of the country I live in, and may I say of myself before the election on November 8, 2016, and my sense of self after, may be nearly as radical as the difference between the glistening green leaves with mysterious black opening and the tangled brown stems and leaves struggling to survive.  

I marvel at my naivety in Post 237, glibly quoting  Singh: "to open to what is, we may feel jolted out of our usual way of seeing ourselves and our world."

There is much to say regarding this sea change, but not tonight and maybe never. exploring the mystery is not a political blog. I wanted to acknowledge a question I received from a faithful reader: "What mystery is too painful to explore?"

For now, this is my answer.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Post - #240

Some mysteries are too painful to explore.

See you next week.

Nicky 

This Post May Have TMI or Not Enuf - #239

I don't often read an entire book, that is at one time. When I become temporarily bored by the subject matter or when I catch myself beginning to skim large bits of text or when another book crowds its way into my hands, I don't hesitate to close the cover and find a spot for it on one of my book shelves.  

Almost always when I choose to open to the bookmark where I stopped reading, the subject matter I discover fits what I need or want to read at that moment.  

Monday of this week, I was drawn to peek inside The Art of Slow Writing by Louise DeSalvo.  Hunkered down with several books of its kind on my dresser in the bedroom, it was patiently waiting for me to return. The bookmark, snuggled between pages 162 and 163, announced the beginning of chapter 33: Ship's Log. 

DeSalvo describes how by looking through the ship's log of the aircraft carrier her father served on during the late 1930's, she was able to re-create his time aboard the carrier.

I felt instant recognition of why I needed to read this right now.

So I will ask you to ponder for yourself, and hopefully let me and other readers know, what feels important enough to you to actually keep a written record?

I'll tell you my answer next post. Since this is 2016, I'll expand the question to include what feels important enough to you to put it on a spread sheet or wear a computer on your wrist?

Please let us know! What do you want to record for posterity?

Thanks for exploring they mystery - Nicky Mendenhall