The dentist was on vacation but his partner could work me in. They would take X-rays and see what was going on. This wasn't ideal but fit with my default position, my need to know.
After multiple texts and emails from the office reminding me of the appointment, I show up. The X-rays polished off (pun intended), I begin the wait for the unknown dentist. And I wait.
I leave! This actually felt like a victory! I didn't have to have it settled and decided by knowing. I made an appointment for when my kind perfectionist dentist is back. It helped, of course, that my tooth wasn't hurting.
At home, I emailed Scott Forrester inquiring if he was the author of the poem found on Page 185 in The Aware Athlete. He promptly replied that he was. The poem is entitled: Not Knowing.
My favorite line: Knowing is an illusion, shutting doors. I really want to think about this line. Does it make sense to you? Do you ever rush to get things done and wish you would have taken more time weighing the options? How did you slow down enough to do this? Please help my process by letting me know!
CLUE: Do you know what you eat every day for breakfast? I bet you do! If it is always the same thing, eat something different for the next two days. Pretend like you are my dentist and on vacation! Let me know what you chow down on!
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
Image: Bangkok Buddha
Nicky, thanks for this! I LOVE the line in that poem: "Knowing is an illusion, shutting doors." How true! So much better to breathe into the space of uncertainty and be open to possibility. We never really "know" anyway. What we think we know if often just a story we tell ourselves. Very thought-provoking!!! (And I have a protein shake for breakfast!)
ReplyDeleteHi Diane,
DeleteI love your words breathe into the space of uncertainty! Oh, if I was only better at that! I so want to know! But I'm working on it and so appreciate your support!
Enjoy your protein shake!
Thank you, Nicky. I like the idea of not knowing. I’m often a slow decision maker, weighing my options inexhaustibly - much to my husband’s dismay. I want to be sure and don’t like the nagging feeling of regret if I’m made a poor decision. I also think sometimes not being able to decide means perhaps it’s something I don’t want as much as I thought I did. And there are those few times when I just “know” my decision immediately, and it’s so freeing. Oh that all decisions were as such.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Barbara.
DeleteI understand your fear of feeling regret. The feeling of - oh if I could just go back to that second and make a different choice!
I also appreciate your insight that if a decision is really difficult, maybe my desire isn't there and I may be better off just dropping it for now.
Great to hear from you. Thanks for reading!