I Bet Practicing This Will Be Difficult - #177

"The next time someone asks you a question, don't answer right away. Receive the question or sharing and let it penetrate you so the speaker feels that he or she has really been listened to.

"Only when we have been able to open space within ourselves can we really help others.

"It is easy to notice if someone has a feeling of spaciousness.....you feel comfortable with them because they are easy and relaxed. They are not already full of their own agenda."*

Give this a try when you are out and about this weekend. Is it automatic to offer your perspective on any subject? Let us know how difficult it is for you not to answer right away.

Email or visit: www.nickymendenhallwww.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com.blogspot.com by clicking on underlined words, scroll up or down, click on comments and enter your wisdom.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Adapted from The Practitioner's Quarterly, Winter, 2015, pg 13.

Body Language - #176

"His foot jerks, he sighs, he squints, his stomach rumbles. These movements are part of the body's voice telling its story without benefit of consciousness."*

Waiting in line gives us time to practice the Art of Standing Meditation and take note other people's posture, body language and clothing. 

The leather jacket in the image above was covered with painted rats on its back and sleeves, though it is difficult to see the rats in this shot. I received this image when we were in line to see Michelangelo's, David. 

Body language originates in the unconscious.  Like a foreign language, body language needs a skilled interpreter to help us understand its meaning.

Do you pay attention to body language? Do you realize the messages from your unconscious? Do you appreciate your body? Does body language help you understand others?

Let me know by email or blog comment by scrolling up or down after you click this link: www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*The Body in Recovery (1994), John P. Conger, p. 49.

What Do You Offer Your Spirit? - #175

"Stepping out of the busyness, stopping our endless pursuit of getting somewhere else, is perhaps the most beautiful offering we can make to our spirit."* Give yourself permission to stop whatever you are doing this weekend and take a few deep breaths. Really. Don't just think about it, actually do it. I had a busy morning with grocery shopping and a haircut plus a therapy session. After I publish this, I'm going to go rest. Probably read a few more pages of Diane Glass's new book, This Need to Dance: A Life of Rhythm and Resilience. I am on page 60 and have had trouble putting it down. Diane has attended my Tai Chi class and I have visited with her while in line for the women's room at Des Moines Metro Opera. I can't wait to see her again to tell her how much I resonate with her writing.   Let me know about your relationship with busyness. Do you ever take breaks? Do you think about taking care of your spirit? This is a new thought for me. I like it! And lastly, what are you reading these days? Thanks for exploring the mystery - NickyMendenhall *Tara Brach, A Network of Grateful Living, November 3, 2015.

Dangerous To Join Cliques (It's Not What You Think) - #174

An unintended consequence of exploring the mystery being absent the month of October is the presence of undue consternation regarding subject matter of Post #174. 

Unable to decide among several juicy options, I plop on my reptilian patterned chair stationed by fraudulent French doors. Resting, I admire multiple colors that still adorn the trees.

Leaves detach from the trees, one by one, fluttering gracefully to the ground. Each looks fiercely singular. 

This reminds me of one piece of frank advice from a Zen master that I read this morning: #4 out of a list of 17 -

"To you who think there's something to being `in`"

In this case, Kodo Sawaki Roshi (1880-1965) is referring to our tendency as humans to hang onto others and want whatever they want. 

He continues: "One at a time people are still bearable, but when they form cliques, they start to get stupid. We live in group stupidity and confuse this insanity with true experience. It is essential that you become transparent to yourself and wake up from this madness....take leave of the group and walk on your own two feet."*

One of my struggles is being too attached to agreement which occurs to me is another form of joining the clique.

Are you worried about being part of the group? Do you agree with Roshi that people start to get stupid in groups? What price do you pay for being part of clique or to get agreement?

Please let me know by email or go to comment section of blog. Click on this link: www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

Thanks for exploring the mystery!

*Article in Tricycle, Winter, 2015, "TO YOU" written by Kodo Sawaki Roshi, page 37+

Midweek: How Do You Use Your 5 Senses?

Khenpo Gawang Rinpoche, my favorite Daily Dharma speaker, charms me with his infectious grin.  

I love how he says,"troubles" as in, "if you use any of your senses too much or if you use any of your senses too little, you will have troubles." I know what he means, don't you?

His primary message on September 28, 2015:  Practice the middle way. He tells us to:

"Go out in Nature. This will open the gate to see your own Nature. Senses tell us how to recognize one's own mind."

More advice - offered with a straight face: 

"You don't have to lose your mind."

I read that poems by Rilke always contain a pause. "It is within the pause that reflection is achieved, or what we now call mindfulness."*

October will be a time of exploring my senses and practicing mindfulness.

Next exploring the mystery post will be arriving in your inbox on November 4, 2015. Let me know what you are doing with your 5 senses and what happens when you incorporate a pause!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*In the Company of Rilke (2011), Stephanie Dowrick.

Dag Hammarskold's Wisdom & Connection To Mystery

"Never, never, for the sake of peace, deny your own experience."*

I think I remember Hammarskold's book, Markings, on my bookshelves years ago, but I've given up the search. I Googled his name and found he was a Swedish diplomat, economist, and author.

According to Google, he died in a plane crash in 1953, "the most enduring mystery of the United Nations and African history."

I might omit a "never" - or even both "nevers" from Hammarskold's quote because there might be instances where peace would be more important than my experience. Let me know if you can think of one or more. Overall, I think denying experience to keep peace is a dangerous strategy but that may be a discussion for another post.

Another mystery to explore.

Let me know if you think both nevers are necessary! When is it difficult for you to claim your own truth?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*Quote by Dag Hammarskold. found on page xiii, The Making Of A Therapist by Louis Cozolino (2004).

Do You Have "Negative Capability"?

Negative Capability?

Do I have it?

Trying to develop more.

Why?

If I had more Negative Capability, I would be less uncomfortable when nose to nose with uncertainty.  

More Negative Capability would mean enjoying the mysteries I explore on this blog without irritable reaching after fact or reason.*

More Negative Capability would mean I could read and enjoy Harry Potter.  J. K. Rowling doesn't tell us where magic comes from.**

When I practice Negative Capability, the image above speaks to me even though I haven't a clue who or what made the dots on the sidewalk.

Do you understand what is meant by Negative Capability? 

I'm feeling my way into a deeper understanding - it is a work in progress. Do you think Negative Capability is important to have?  

Please share your thoughts with me/us by replying to this email or going to blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Thanks to Stephanie Dowrick who ponders these issues in her wonderful book, The Company of Rilke (2011)
**Liz Bureman found more enjoyment watching LOST when she practiced Negative Capability and admired J. K. Rowling's ability to use Negative Capability. Found her online.

Simple Words At End Of Week - #173

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. 

Just listen. 

Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.  

Taken from September 18 2015, Companioning the Dying by 

Rachel Naomi Remen

Why Are Path Pictures Popular?

This might be my 68th photograph of this path, a path I've been making friends with since moving to Urbandale in 2008. No, I haven't actually counted the number of path pictures I've received, but they are numerous. Each season needs to be chronicled.  I love the brilliantly colored red and gold leaves in the fall and the abundantly lush green of the summer and the bleak starkness of winter.

Yesterday I asked myself, as I was contemplating yet another photo of this path, (the one you see above), what is so tantalizing about path pictures?

Path pictures are iconic, they remind me that life is a journey. Looking at a path picture, I feel a sense of being in motion. I wonder if looking at a path picture would satisfy movement maven Katy Bowman? She says toss out your furniture and sit on the floor when you come home from walking the path. Move!

Do you like path pictures or photographs? What do they remind you of? Are you tempted to receive path photos on your camera or do you paint or draw paths?

Let me know by replying to this email or going to blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Is Fearlessness? - #172

Lodro Rinzler is not afraid of anything. At least he's not afraid to title his books provocatively: The Buddha Walks into a Bar & his latest, How To Love Yourself (and Sometimes Other People).

Lodro spoke for the Daily Dharma Gathering, 1-20-2015.

Yes, I know that could qualify as old news since it was ten months ago. Because the talks are initially seen live and the recording is available only for the next 24 hours, this is from my memory and my notes.   

According to my notes, the title of his talk: "Fear and Fearlessness."

It is his definition of Fearlessness that I want to share with you.

Fearlessness is when we look and examine fear.  

This strikes me as profound! When I'm afraid of something, and for the record I'm not afraid of spiders, I do not want to look and examine it. I want to get away from it!

Looking and analyzing and staying with fear seems the only way to know it and then get over it.

Do you agree with this definition of fearlessness? Do you think it would work for you? I will continue to ponder this wisdom.

Email me or go to blog comment section to leave your wisdom.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Image discovered by the very observant person I live with, who told me about it, and when I was too much in a hurry to go out, took the picture for me. By the time I had time, the creation was gone. Moral of story, always make time. 

Mid Week: Is Your Mind Luminous?

The more unified, stable, luminous, and attentive the mind is at this moment, the more profound the experience.*

When entertaining, the more present I was to what was going on, not worrying about what was next or how things looked, or what I'd just offered or what someone else just offered, the more luminous I became.

Are you feeling luminous as the sun disappears sooner every day? What would it take to make you feel luminous? What would you look like if you were luminous? 

I had to look up luminous and was surprised at all the different meanings offered. Look it up and see which meaning makes most sense to you and then let me know!

What do you want to accomplish before you build the first fire of the season?

Let me know by responding to this message or go to the blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Daily Dharma, September 3, 2015,- Andrew Olendzki, "Busy Signal"*

Remember To Accept - # 171

Kate Lila Wheeler* impressed me with her Daily Dharma Talk yesterday using the eponymous title of my blog post. (Note: I'm not sure I'm using eponymous correctly, please advise me if I am not and tell me how to phrase it to indicate that I'm using the same words for my title. I keep seeing eponymous in my reading and wanted to take a stab at using it. We haven't had a new word for awhile. Thank you in advance!)

As you know from previous posts, at my house we have been entertaining out of town guests.  I noticed during these few weeks, when I asked if someone would want, for example, eggs for breakfast, the answer was "sure". Would you like another slice of Life Changing Bread? Would you want to visit the Des Moines Art Center? Almost anything I offered engendered the same answer - "sure".

It felt so good when they accepted my gifts. They trusted what I offered. There was no questioning if it was too much trouble for me. They didn't try and control my offer by suggesting it would be too much work or that they would be happy to do it for themselves.  
They just said "sure"! When they didn't say "sure", they said no. No excuses or apologies. Just no. I was good with that too.

Kate presented a multilayered wisdom filled explanation of what remember to accept meant to her. I wish you could all hear it! I may be referring to it in future posts.

Is it easy for you to "remember to accept"? What makes it hard for you? Do you need to remember to accept? Can you remember to accept the difficult happenings?

Let me know in the comments section or send me an email by replying to this message.

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Kate Lila Wheeler went to her first Buddhist retreat in 1977, was briefly ordained as a nun in Burma and is supported to teach by Theravadan and Vajrayana mentors. She’s interested in helping others find their own way via a balance of clear method and joyous relaxation. Kate Lila also writes fiction and has edited two books published in English by her Burmese preceptor, Sayadawgyi U Pandita (who is still teaching at 93!). She lives in the Boston area with her husband, anthropologist and fellow writer David Guss. You can find out more about her teaching at her website.

For more of Kate’s work click here: http://katewheeler.com/

Flowers are from our wedding, 2009. The picture just turned up on a flash drive!

Midweek Strange Bedfellows: Anger & Patience

"Patience is an ever present alternative to the mind’s endemic restlessness and impatience. Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger. 

"It’s the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are and blaming someone (often yourself) or some thing for it."*

Was I angry when the blueberry stain didn't dissolve from my shirt? Probably, though anger is not something I recognize.  

Kabat-Zinn's statement, that anger lurks below impatience, somehow surprised me even though it seems so obvious once stated.

If I had known that anger was lurking behind my drive to get that darn spot out, I wonder if it would have changed the end result?

I'd like to explore this more but it's late so I will stop for now. There is a feature on the blog that I can update the post.  Maybe I will.

Tell me how you feel about Kabat-Zinn's statement by email or comment section. Do you think anger always is underneath impatience? To be angry that things are not what I expected happens more often than I like to admit. Do you recognize your own anger?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall




*Jon Kabat-Zinn
Source: Wherever You Go There You Are, inward/outward via mail96.atl11.rsgsv.net 

Out Out Darn Spot - #170

A drop of blueberry smoothie, the size of a large green pea, landed front and center on my favorite white crewneck shirt. I wasn't worried. I was confident that using "The Laundress Spot and Stain Remover" and "The Laundress Whites" formulas would save the shirt.

Two days of scrubbing the spot with a toothbrush, while adding more and more  product, (these products had never failed me) yielded a fainter spot but one that was still visible to all people except those waiting in line for cataract surgery.

My desire was for the darn spot to disappear!  I didn't want to accept the fact that my shirt now had an ugly stain and was for all purposes destroyed. 

What I wanted to happen, did not happen. 


Kathleen Dowling Singh* writes there are predictable sufferings in human life. She says that not getting what we want leads to suffering.

She continues: "Many times we double suffering by relating to it reactively."

A ruined shirt can be a disaster if one reacts to it by blaming one's self or The Laundress or anyone in the vicinity.  

Singh believes that it is our inner stance, how we handle not getting what we want, that determines how much we will suffer.

In denial that I wasn't going to get what I wanted, not wanting to accept the fact that I was powerless over the stain, I dabbed a drop of Liquid Paper on the stain.

DO NOT DO this. The result is a hard, crusty white spot that will not come off. It's worse than the stain itself.

What is your usual response when you don't get what you want? Does your reactivity make the loss worse? What have you found helps you be less reactive?

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

 *The Grace In Aging: Awaken As You Grow Older (2014), by Kathleen Dowling Singh

The image was discovered on a recent walk through my landlocked neighborhood.






















Image found on walk around my neighborhood

Mid Week: Enjoying Life's Riches....

"There are, after all, far too many pleasures available to be able to sample them all: too many wild and intriguing places to ever visit, people to meet, birds to watch, symphonies to hear, and so on.

" The riches embarrass our poor ability to enjoy them."

This week, I'm sampling the riches of having company without having to make everything perfect. My ability to enjoy is certainly enhanced by not demanding perfection of myself.

The paradoxical thing is - without the pressure of making everything perfect, everything seems nearly perfect!

What helps you enjoy the riches in your life?

Please reply to this email or go to comments section of blog and let me know how you are celebrating the riches in your life!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Robert Michael Pyle

Source: Wintergreen: Listening to the Land's Heart found in Inward & Outward, August 25, 2015.

Is Anything Permanent? - #169

The weather the last few days has been perfect: cool breezes, mild temperatures. moderate humidity, sunny skies. It has been such a pleasure to step outside.

Whenever something pleases me, my desire is for it to last.  

The Buddhist conviction that everything changes and everything ends, informs me the permanency I wish for will not happen.

The saving grace in this conviction? When disappointment, despair, or depression visit, they too will dissipate.

The towel sculpture (Brazil, 2010) was the first time I discovered towels could be used for artistic expression. Today this image reminds me that pleasure is often short lived. 

My resolve is to permanently be in the moment - whatever that moment may be.

Do you want things to never change? Can you think of things that are permanent? In your daily life, do you remember that everything is constantly changing? Is it easy for you to stay in the moment? What gets in your way of being present?

Please share your thoughts about these questions and others you may have by replying to this email or going to the blog and leaving a comment.


Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Sometimes It's Simple

Entertaining out-of-town guests in August was simple.  

The post on July 31 (#166) alerted me, and my readers, some of whom would be visitors, of my usual pattern of over-preparing for guests. 

It wasn't easy to admit I worry about  making everything perfect, especially knowing that some of the people reading would be visiting.

I wasn't clear where the reluctance to share my struggle was coming from until later.  It wasn't simple to admit partly because I'm the oldest sister and in addition to that - insecure at times. Sometimes I put pressure on myself and think that I'm to care for everyone with seeming ease and resourcefulness. 

I don't want to need help. Admitting that I am human & struggle leaves me feeling vulnerable.

I'm happy to report the results of being vulnerable were fantastic!

Especially because two of my sisters, who both read blog and came to visit, asked how they could help. They asked in a genuinely supportive way. (I imagine they have always asked but the difference this time was that I felt I didn't have to maintain a picture of effortless hostessing.) I'd already admitted what I was struggling with!

It is  sometimes not so simple to ask for help. It is often easier to pretend that we can handle everything by ourselves.

Is it simple for you to be vulnerable? Do you let people know when you struggle? Can you ask for help?

Please let me know by replying to this email or going to blog comment section. Let's be vulnerable together!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Creativity According To Einstein - #168

"Creativity is the residue of time wasted."*

Wednesday, the day exploring the mystery's mid week post featured a design created with rib bones, we served our guests a new batch of our famous, adapted from my brother's recipe, pork ribs baked 250 degrees in aluminum foil for four+ hours.  

It seemed only natural to challenge our guests to create a masterpiece equal to, or one to surpass, the previously published rib bone design image.

We worked diligently. We created memories. We had fun.

We created a tower of rib bones.  

There was residue on my white jeans as a result of the tower toppling as I hovered near it to capture an image for you of this masterpiece.  

This was time we had all carved out of our busy lives to meet and eat and renew our bonds. It was not wasted time.

Are you enjoying the last of the long summer evenings? Are you creating memories? Are you creating giggles amongst your loved ones? What do you do to express your creativity? When is the last time you were silly?

Let us know by replying to this email of making a comment on the blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

* Einstein Quote found in Imagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer(2012). Lehrer resigned from the New Yorker for fabricating quotes by Bob Dylan in this book. He also published previously printed work of his own which raised the question of self plagiarism. Be careful when you imagine!

Guess Who Delivered Teabag Wisdom Mid Week?

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

This saying was attributed to George Bernard Shaw on my most recent Good Earth teabag tag. 

I think his words speak to our current discussion: 

Do we let other people determine our behavior?

Shaw's saying suggests the importance of creating our own response; a response which promotes qualities we value.

This is a complicated subject. Keep letting me/us know what you think. Do you have to make a conscious effort to not give what you are offered but instead give what you want to receive? Are there times when responding rudely would be appropriate?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - 
                                 Nicky Mendenhall

Image: A design we created after a rib dinner a few months ago.  

Wise Words For Us - #167

The post on 8/4/15, described a less than optimal encounter with two CenturyLink technicians. During this experience, Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo's photo on my desktop was unceremoniously knocked on its face.

While placing her upright on my desk, I had a sense she wanted to have a word with us. Here she is writing in first person singular:* 

"Patience can be a problem for me because people are very nice to me. One can get lulled into a false sense of one's own niceness because it is very easy to be pleasant to people who are kind.

"But then, if I walk into an Indian government office, and the officials are obnoxious, then we can see it. Right there it is. Anger has not gone away. 

"Then we can decide either to be rude in return, or we can think, Wow, thank you. This is the opportunity--right now--to transform the situation and not answer back in the obvious way."

This is an excerpt from Into the Heart of Life by Tenzin (2011)

It is my hope that you find her words as helpful as I do!

Is it easier for you to be nice to nice people and more difficult to be nice to rude or obnoxious people? Are  you able to see rudeness as an opportunity for you to practice being who you are no matter what happens?

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall 







Her last guest appearance was 11/27/2012. 

Twenty-first CenturyLink Invasion

My landline phone at the office is dead.

Using my US Cellular mobile device, I call CenturyLink. John in Wyoming answers, runs diagnostic protocols on both lines, determines there is a problem. Reports no solution available in Wyoming. "You need a service call," he reports, "in your area, the schedule is booked out several days."

Despite my pleas for faster response time, given the nature of my business, the first available window of time is four days away: noon to five.

Fast forward: At 11:55 AM on designated day, Jimmy John's Freaky Fast delivery car skids to a stop in the parking lot. I'm watching because I'm hungry; this means I see the CenturyLink van arrive.   

I pay for and then devour my rare roast beef with avocado sauce unwich. Twenty minutes later, a tall bearded CenturyLink tech finally arrives in my office scratching his head: "There are no phone lines in this suite!"   

He uses his mobile to call another tech.  While we wait for his backup, his personal investigation begins. He demolishes my desktop, knocking over Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo's picture. He dislocates ceiling tiles which stir up dusty pink bits of insulation which cling to every surface.

When his even more bearded, shorter in stature, longer in hair, side kick stomps in, I snatch the above image as they venture next door. 

The situation called for mindfulness and I did what I could. They did what they could. The lines were restored.

Gathering up equipment, the tall man confided to me his afternoon consisted of twelve troubleshooting calls like this one and that he was tired. He said, "Two more years til retirement  - can't mess up now."  

He looked stressed. As he assured me he would have to bill me, he said he would do what he could to keep the price down;  "but there's only so much I can do."

The good news is that I didn't get totally stressed out. I was able to find some compassion for his situation. I took an observer role which helped me stay somewhat detached and not soak up his anxiety.

Does the Twenty-first Century challenge you? Please share with us by replying to this email or going to the blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Two Lines, Two Choices: A Chinese Proverb - #166

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.*                                                  ~ Chinese Proverb The first line of this Chinese proverb describes my usual behavior while guests are flying or driving to my home for a visit.   The second line speaks to my goal for the month of August:  Prepare for guests from ARK, CO, and OR with a sense of relaxed anticipation.   The following words are for me, but you can keep reading if you wish: The house doesn't have to be spotless. The food doesn't have to be gourmet. Everything planned won't meet my (high)expectations. It's alright if I become tired at 9:00 PM. It's alright if I am tired at 9:00 AM. If I'm obnoxious about winning or losing at Pepper, everyone will eventually forgive me. Do you stress about having people in your home? Do you have a perfectionistic part that wants to take over and spoil all the fun? How does tension show up in your body? your mind? Please reply to this email or go to the comments section and let us know what you think. We can help each other! Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall *Proverb from First Sip: Posted: 24 Jul 2015 03:00 AM PDT Image: A Chinese lantern  that caught my eye while on a tour boat in Hong Kong Harbor, March, 2013.

Midweek Mentor From Past

"How falsely a listener may construe what we say if he takes only our words. Our words are often halting and are plainly not what we mean. In back of what we mean on the conscious level, there is almost always a deeper unconscious meaning that is at work. But these unconscious meanings are only dimly felt by the speaker and they do not formulate well in words….

Someone once suggested to me that in every conversation between two people there are always at least six persons present. What each person said are two; what each person meant to say are two more; and what each person understood the other to say are two more." Douglas Steere*

I don't remember what year I met Douglas Steere but I will never forget how impressed I was. He was so present. He was different. He wasn't chatty. He seemed very singular and at peace.

Our meeting was before I was very conscious of consciousness. 

In my imagination, he is my mentor. 

Seeing his name felt like a gift. Do you have a mentor that is primarily in your imagination? Is there someone you met for a brief period who made an impression on you? Do you appreciate the gifts people give you?

Reply to this email or go to the blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

 

* inwardoutwardeditor@gmail.com.,July 16, 2015 featuring Douglas Steere.

We Don't Cry Because We're Sad.....#165

"The moment we cry in a film is not when things are sad but when they turn out to be more beautiful than we expected them to be."*

When I blink back a single tear or when multiple tears overflow and anoint my face, something beautiful has happened and I am surprised.

Many times my tears materialize when leaving a loved one. I remember the first time I ripped myself away from Jonah, my CA grandson. He was two years old. My heart ached as his cute little fingers waved to me. I loved the beautiful relationship we had developed and knew we would soon be separated by many miles.

In Iowa, when I walk on fertile Marshall County dirt, former site of the family farm, tears come & my heart aches for all the beautiful and sad things that happened when we lived on this land. "1526" (see image above) is all that remains of two farmhouses and two sets of farm buildings.

The Welsh word hiraeth** means "distance pain." Sally Mann hopes the evocative word will be preserved. She defines hiraeth as a yearning for the lost places of the past; the pain of loving a place.

She feels a near-umbilical attachment to the South - especially VA. I feel a near-umbilical attachment to Central Iowa. 

And strange as it may seem, I feel a similar pain about India. When Iowa air is humid and has a tropical scent, my mind flies to India. Remembering the sparkling eyes of the people and the vibrant colors. The temples. The cows. Strangely, I felt so at home there. I feel distance pain.

Do you have an umbilical attachment to a place or a person? Please reply to this email or comment on the blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Alain de Botton quote. One of those times when I jotted words down, was too lazy to include the source, and could never locate again. If you run across it, let me know!

**Hold Still:A Memoir with Photographs (2015), Sally Mann. I love this book. Borrowed from the Urbandale Library and am having a hard time not ordering my own copy. The pictures are fascinating, her family out of the ordinary, and her writing full of insight.

Mid Week: Do You Have Enough Alone Time?

"How often it is difficult for most of us to give solitude any sort of priority in the kind of life that we live today. How we avoid it; how we are frightened of being alone; how easy it is never to let it happen; there is always something or someone to fill the void, even if it is no more than turning to the radio for company."*

I cherish my alone time. I need alone time. It is an important part of my life. Even so, there are so many activities that interest me that it is easy to become over scheduled. 

Let me know if this is true for you or if being alone is a struggle.How much alone time do you need? 
Reply to this email or go comment section on the blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall





Esther de Waal as quoted in Inward & Outward, June 25, 2015.

What Kind of Mystery Do You Believe In? - #165

My most recent experience of exploring the mystery occurred the day before yesterday. I was in the middle of a MELT session. 

If you are familiar with MELT foot and hand treatment, you know the MELT Method uses a set of rubber balls varying in size and firmness. The balls come with an instruction sheet that describes position-point pressing, shearing, gliding, and rinsing. 

Standing with a large squishy ball at the center of my right foot, I leaned on the bathroom sink. The sink cabinet was on cork floating flooring flush to bathtub (say that fast!); both were across from a small bookcase nestled up to a brand new Kohler toilet. 

What distracted me? It could have been the dryer buzzing or my mind remembering to take something out of the freezer for dinner.

But there was a distraction. The next time I glanced down, the squishy ball had disappeared!

I mean it was NO where to be seen. I got down on my hands and knees. This was a small space so there weren't that many places to look. I put my glasses on. I stood up and looked some more. It was not there. 

Harry Potter's world came to mind. In his world, things actually do disappear. Living with a scientist, I was pretty certain that magic of that sort doesn't happen. Does it?

This mystery was indeed tantalizing. It was a truly mysterious happening that made me pay attention and be in the moment. 

Preparing to leave the bathroom and ponder the mystery, I turned left around a short wall that was on the other side of the Kohler. It was a sharp turn. No where near the ball.  

Then my eyes lit on the ball! It was crouched against the baseboard, almost in the bedroom. There seemed no way this soft squishy ball could have ended up there.

There was disappointment - the ball hadn't really dematerialized.  

But on the other hand, there was comfort in knowing that gravity is something we can really count on!

Maybe we will explore magic in future posts as there are other kinds of magic beside making things dematerialize. The magic of a smile for instance.

I would love to hear what you think about magic.  Thanks for reading and letting me know. Reply to this email or click on the following words: www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The image was received when studying wabi sabi. Somehow it seemed to fit with this post. What do you think?