Wabi Sabi Meets Office Depot- #87

As we learned from Rilke midweek, you can find beauty and meaning anywhere.

Finding beauty and meaning everywhere is easier when you know and follow the principles of wabi sabi.

Leonard Koren defined wabi sabi as "the beauty of things imperfect,  impermanent, and incomplete....a beauty of things modest and humble....a beauty of things unconventional."

This morning I let myself enjoy a wabi sabi moment: I cashed an Office Depot Rewards check for $13.81. It was my first check from the Rewards Program! The check was wabi sabi - it had an expiration date.  

I love office supply stores. Do You?

They are filled with modest and humble items that are satisfying to purchase and useful to have on hand. 

Today I scored #2 Clean Seal Bubble Mailers, six of them in a package! And a twin pack of Sharpie Broad/Large black markers!

While desperately searching for a flashlight the last time the electricity was off, I made a mental note to stock up on flashlights. Flashlights are not, in my mind, conventional items to find at a traditional office supply store but after I snatched up the bubble mailers, a huge display of flashlights on "Sale" appeared.  

A 3-Pack Aluminum LED Flashlight set complete with 9-AAA batteries glimmered. The small compact flashlights were different colors. Beautiful! And I know they won't last forever.

It has been a day filled with wabi sabi moments!  

Let wabi sabi enrich your life! Tell us your wabi sabi moments on the comment section of the blog. You can find it here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com






  
  



 

Midweek Bonus Post: No Worthless Place

"If your daily life seems of no account, don't blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its treasures. For the creative artist there is no impoverishment and no worthless place."*

And I would add, no foul moods! Are you way ahead of me and understand how I might be connecting the Rilke quote (perhaps not so much the sign) to wabi sabi? 

If so, let me know in the comment section on the blog itself (You can get there by clicking here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com or email me by hitting the reply button on this message. Thanks for exploring this mystery with me!



*Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet, Paris, February 17, 1903.

wabi sabi - #86

Yesterday I spotted a stout man wearing a chainsaw in the backyard. Right before my eyes, without ceremony, he lifted his apparel and began to cut off all the branches that, in this picture, are still attached. 

The man's hair wasn't quite covering his bald spot but this didn't appear to concern him. After the branches were severed, he proceeded to slice his blade into the tree trunk. Stopping periodically to rest, he would push on the tree.  As happens when one is attempting to root out a long standing pattern, the trunk did not want to let go of its familiar stance.  

My heart felt a tender spot for this ugly, messy, and decidedly wabi sabi tree as it finally surrendered and fell over. I wasn't alone with my affection for it - the birds are in mourning.

It would be logical for this post to enlighten you; to describe in detail the meaning of wabi sabi. This is not easy for me to accomplish. I experienced a similar difficulty defining the elusive   Shadow.

The following Zen quote* gives me a great deal of comfort:

"Those who know don't say; those who say don't know."

The first Japanese people involved with wabi sabi all practiced Zen and had been steeped in the Zen mindset.

Essential knowledge, in the Zen doctrine, can be transmitted only from mind to mind, not through the written or spoken word.

Learning in this manner is foreign to us Westerners. I know what wabi sabi means to me but I am not going to wrestle with words this week.  Maybe my years meditating at the Zen Center in Des Moines rubbed off on me more than I suspected.

We will continue to explore wabi sabi in the next few weeks.

Each of you may want to explore the mystery of wabi sabi. Please share with us what you discover. 

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Wabi Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers by Leonard Koren (1994 & 2008)

Do You Agree With Carl Sandburg?

"One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude."*

I agree with Sandburg. As an introvert, I like solitude. I need solitude. 

With winter approaching, my desire to hibernate, like the bear Emily Carr mentioned in Bathtub Bonus Post last week, is strong. 

However, being a human and not a bear (at least most of the time!), optimal well being consists of a balance of solitude and social time. 

To be perfectly honest, I'd like to formalize a schedule that would dictate how many hours of solitude and how many hours of socializing is optimal. This doesn't work.

Why? Because as Buddha told us (and as we pay attention to reality we discover for ourselves) everything is constantly changing. 

Listening every day - dare I say every hour - for what will foster my creativity and well being is my now my challenge.

How do you determine your needs for solitude? For socializing?

*Quote by Carl Sandburg selected from Wabi Sabi: The Art of Everyday Life(2006), a book you will be hearing more about in the coming weeks. 

If you don't know what Wabi Sabi means, please don't look it up. Make something up and let me know in the comments section what you create before you read Post #86, which if you are a subscriber, will be popping up in your inbox Saturday morning.  

Sign up by clicking above my picture on the blog. You can find it here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com.                                  

Wisdom: Avoiding the Faux Knowing Place - #85

Shadows, Saliva, Anger, Kudzu, and Boys in the Basement have been mysteries explored in the posts and bonus posts of exploring the mystery these last few months. I've learned and grown from these explorations of life's mysteries.

When I saw the cover of the November Oprah magazine

Life's Mysteries--Solved!

I didn't rush to open the magazine. I have learned the excitement that comes when one is deeply exploring the mystery for one's self. Admittedly there are hazards to be faced when unraveling any sort of mystery. 

When I feel puzzled by something I don't understand (a mystery), my tendency is to rush to my KNOWING Place.

My knowing place is where I KNOW what someone else is thinking, I KNOW what an image represents, I KNOW how I feel & how everyone else feels, and I KNOW what is right and what is wrong. 

All of these KNOWINGS get in the way of me staying open to receiving more information from the situation or from the other.

The Rilke* reading for October 18 synchronistically says this in a more elegant manner:

"Outside of poetry and art, security is only and ever achieved at the cost of the most inescapable limitation. This diminishment consists of choosing to be satisfied and pleasured by a world where everything is known and where preoccupation with self is both possible and useful. But how could we want that? Our security must become a relationship to the whole, omitting nothing."

 While I don't totally understand what Rilke means, each time I read his words, I know a little more about the pleasure of staying open to mystery and not rushing to solutions. I hope the same is true for you.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall



*A Year With Rilke: Daily Readings from the Best of Rainer Maria Rilke, Translated and Edited by Joanna Macy & Anita Barrows (2009)
 

What Do You Read In The Bathtub?

My library contains books that won't close tightly because the bottom edge dipped into bath water when I wasn't looking. My new resolution: read only small paperback books while in the tub. My current favorite: Hundreds and Thousands: Journals of an Artist (1966).

Emily Carr's journal describes her love of nature, her life with animals, and her struggle to be taken seriously as a painter. Emily is unabashedly honest about her life and because of her frankness, it is surprisingly difficult to stop reading her daily entries.  

This means my bath water often loses its charm. Now in the living room, snuggled up in my cloak, I listen to the rain on the window as I read an entry dated October 11, 1935. It is too moving not to share: 

"The first dismal rain of winter. Summer hanging between life and death. Everything shivering and dripping like the time between death and the funeral. War news dismal, fires sulky. If one were a bear, now, how jolly it would be to take your fat-prepared body into a hollow tree already selected, ball yourself up with your paws over your face, and sink into a peaceful stupor, absorbing your own fat for sustenance without even the pest of selection, chewing or dish-washing."

Her words comfort, excite, and prepare me for the new season. I hope you enjoy.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Marbles and Their Owners Model Multiplicity - #84

While attending the First Annual Des Moines Marble Show, I observed thousands, dare I say millions of marbles. Marbles of all sizes and colors and materials. Antique marbles and newly created marbles. Marbles that glowed under black light. Marbles in mint condition and marbles with scars. 

Marble Collectors displayed their treasures by color, by size, in wooden display boxes, in zip lock bags.

The multiplicity of marble collectors pleased me: Harley Davidson fans, down home folks from MO, glass artists, business men and women. One especially nice dealer was Jay Steward - note the marbles in the background.

When attending the First Culturally Competent & Ethical Social Work Practice with LGBTQ Individuals Workshop on September 20th, I found it ironic that the audience wasn't as diverse. 

All of us white-middle-class-women in attendance learned that sex, gender role, gender identity, and sexual orientation can all be seen on a continuum. According to our presenter, none of these categories is an either or proposition. Think of the diversity that makes possible!

By her very presence our presenter Julia McGinley, LMSW, demonstrated the power we can access by believing in and living out of our own uniqueness while we honor diversity. 

Julia wears men's ties and sports a traditional men's haircut. She reported she doesn't feel like a lesbian but prefers to identify as gay. Julia's face was feminine in the traditional sense but her body type, movements, and gestures were masculine in the traditional sense. 

For the first few hours of her presentation, my brain scurried about trying to undo either/or conditioning. I needed to develop new neural pathways that would honor continuum's for sex, gender role, gender identity, and sexual orientation that she was modeling for me.

Why is it so difficult for us in the twenty-first century to appreciate and accept the differences in people when we appreciate variety in other settings?

How do you handle diversity?

Congratulations to Nina Hiatt who won last week's contest! Here's her observation: OK, the obvious is that marbles are all different colors but basically the same in shape & content and all beautiful and make life interesting!

P.S. I bought a bag of beautiful marbles from Jay and my toes are practicing picking them up. Still not easy but possible.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Have You Lost Anything Besides Your Marbles?

I lost my world, my fame, my mind --
The Sun appeared, and all the shadows ran.
I ran after them, but vanished as I ran --
Light ran after me and hunted me down.*

This Rumi poem moves me though I would be at a loss to explain it. A goal I have set for myself is to hang out with poetry when it appears in my life. My intuition says there is a new world waiting if I but resist the tendency to skip poems. This poem gets more meaningful to me the more times I read it! I now have my own explanation of what it means!

Most poems gift me with a word or a phrase. 

You won't be surprised to hear that my favorite line in this poem is: The Sun appeared, and all the shadows ran. 

Undoubtedly, after marbles, shadows. (My attempt at a line of poetry!)

Is poetry a part of your world? Do you feel uncomfortable when a poem doesn't make literal sense? How do you deal with this uncomfortableness? I would love to know.

Exploring the mystery continues - Nicky Mendenhall

*Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi
(1207 - 1273)
English version by Andrew Harvey

Have You Lost Your Marbles*? - #83

When the demented character in Caine Mutiny, played by Humphrey Bogart,  jangled metal balls in his pocket as a sign of craziness, it was so convincing that people believed this incident was the origination of this idiom*. 

During the last session with my physical therapist, she inquired if I had any marbles. I tried to reassure myself her question was not the same as, "Have you lost your marbles?" 

It wasn't. Picking marbles up with my toes, she explained, was a technique to strengthen my feet.

I hate to be the one to break it to you but marbles are not that easy to find in the twenty-first century.  After multiple phone calls and ten minutes of actual store shopping, I settled on a pack of plastic "marbles" from Target. 

My spirit, dampened by these ugly plastic orange and blue objects and humbled by the the exercises  difficulty, was ready to throw in the towel. Then I spotted a tiny black-box advertisement in the free weekly paper: The First Annual Des Moines Marble Show!

I knew I had to get there if it cost me an arm and a leg!  

Last week I promised a post on marbles and diversity. Diversity is on my mind because of the "Culturally Competent & Ethical Social Work Practice with LGBTQ** Individuals" workshop you heard about last week.

Lest this post become too long and burdensome and I lose marble toe time (also different from losing my marbles), I will close for this week and ask you to create a connection between marbles and diversity. If this sounds like a contest - you are correct!

The prize for the most creative answer: my copy of The Accidental Masterpiece: On the Art of Life and Vice Versa by Michael Kimmelman. Michael lectured at the Des Moines Art Center last year and charmed my socks off. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak or read his book, it will be time well spent.  My favorite chapter: "The Art of Collecting Lightbulbs." It's a great book and I'm eager to share it with one of you. 

Email me your entry before 10-17-2013. The author of this blog (me) will judge the entries and contact the winner. If you don't have an idea how to combine diversity and marbles and you still want to enter the contest, email me and let me know you want the book. If there are no entries, the first email wins!

Thanks for exploring the marble mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*Idiom - words that make no literal sense but strung together have meaning. That's my definition - you might want to look it up for yourself. For extra credit - find the other idioms in this post!

**Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning

Goethe Quote (?), Pronunciation Hint & Cautionary Word

The quote for this beautiful fall day is attributed to Goethe by W. H. Murray in The Scottish Himalayan Expedition. Murray's use of the Goethe quote was cited in The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield. In other words, I haven't been reading original Goethe poetry, just Pressfield. 

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it. Begin it now."

I am going to be bold: I've learned how to pronounce Goethe! If you want to be bold and experiment with the magic and power of learning something new, go to YouTube and type in "How to Pronounce Goethe." Or if you are one of my literary friends and Goethe's name rolls off your tongue easily and often, type in your own "How to...."  Perhaps see if you can learn how to create magic and power.  

The next time you meet with your friends or are chatting with acquaintances at the health food store or working out at the gym, give into your temptation to share a Goethe quote, after all, you probably now know how to pronounce his name!  However, let me warn you that The Goethe Society of North America isn't certain this is an authentic Goethe quote. Use at your own risk.

Thanks for exploring the mystery of Goethe quotes - Nicky Mendenhall

And the Winner Is...... -#82

If you are a tech savvy person with a competitive streak, last week's jumble of words didn't deter you. Excited by the idea of a contest, even though the prize this time was nonexistent, several of you formulated possible topics for a workshop that would fit needs listed.

I was impressed with the quality of the entries; one especially astute reader wrote: "treatment of sex offenders or homophobic bullying." 

Yet another perceptive reader wrote:

What an intriguing list.

That class could be about counseling any number of groups of people.  For instance:

• teens
• retirees
• victims of violence 
• single moms
• schoolteachers
• people from generational poverty
• ministers
• counselors

A person dear to my heart admitted she was "clueless!" 

The name of the class:

Culturally Competent & Ethical Social Work Practice with LGBTQ Individuals.

If you are one of the ambitious readers who submitted an entry for this contest, consider yourself a winner.  I love hearing from you!

Next week: Marbles and Diversity.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Mystery Post einstein

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this "emotion" is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder, or stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. His eyes are closed. Albert Einstein (I wonder where my computer is) Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Are Your Needs? - #81

Fourth Friday after Phenomena Post. Sitting in Room 201 Pappajohn Educational Center, downtown Des Moines. Directly in front of me, written with green marker on whiteboard, the word NEEDS, followed by these words: Allies Sex Ed Support System Safety Coping Skill Access to Service Role Model Mentors Trained Professionals Can you guess what continuing education workshop I'm attending? Consider this a contest - submit your guess by replying to this email. I will publish your guess (with or without name) next week and tell you the name of the workshop. You may be surprised. You can also consider whether or not you have these same needs and if so, whether or not they are being met. During my break, which was restorative because I ate brook trout fresh out of the Thompson River, read multiple books, had plenty of time for exercising and relaxing, played a day and two nights of Pepper, spent time with a ten month old who was delightful, and hiked around Bear Lake twice. There were also challenges: escaping flood waters in CO and enduring technology's dark side, sending my ASUS Ultrabook back to factory. This means I'm composing on my IPad and will be until UB comes home. You can expect shorter posts, no pictures, and perhaps a little less enthusiasm. Probably these challenges are raising shadow issues! Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What a Phenomenon! - Post 80

 I'm not empty but a desire to temporarily roll away from the computer is making itself known, therefore,
there will be no exploring the mystery posts for  three or maybe even four weeks!  

(It is difficult to determine in advance the duration of a restorative roll.) 

If you haven't already, this would be the perfect time for you to click on the subscribe link (found above my picture on the blog), and follow the two-step sign-up process.   The benefit for your effort? An email containing the latest post will be delivered directly to your inbox. This means you  will know when the rolling has ceased.    

See you in a few weeks!  Thanks for exploring the mystery! 

Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Bonus Post

There seems no end to my fascination with the Shadow.

To help me understand and remember what resides in the Shadow, I made-up a word:
"Emotional-drivers"

The Shadow contains emotional-drivers: emotional-drivers reside in our primitive brain. They drive us to take action. The behaviors encouraged by emotional drivers, since initially not mediated by our thinking brain, can get us in trouble.

Let me warn you - emotional-drivers feel authentic (they use words like always and never), so it is very difficult not believe the story they tell us.

We habitually try to ignore or deny our emotional-drivers. If only we would pay attention when they are in action, we would notice that our heart rate increases and our blood pressure rises.  

If we bring emotional-drivers into our awareness by using our body signals, we are less likely to be bullied by them. We can stop and make a reasoned choice.

Feel free to use this word whenever you want to understand your own behavior and how it relates to the Shadow. Let me know if this helps or makes understanding the Shadow more confusing. 
(Caution: the acronym for Emotional Driver may raise eyebrows if you use it indiscriminately.)

Thanks for exploring the mystery and the Shadow - 
Nicky Mendenhall

Poet/Performer Describes Shadow Work* - #79

Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

                                                                           Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently it was my privilege to hear Tiffany D. Flowers speak about her life and work as a poet and performer. Tiffany blew me away with her courage, talent, and ability to listen to herself. She must have read Emerson!

She began reciting one of her poems and stopped suddenly: "I'm not "feeling it" she explained. A few minutes later she proceeded to wow us with her original passionate poem.

In an email, Tiffany commented that the subject of the Shadow was an amazing one and gave permission to quote her. See her website: www.TiffanyDFlowers.com for pictures of her and a sample of her writing. 

During this soulful presentation, I jotted down sentences to share with you:

"I didn't even know I was in a bad situation. I thought I could fix (whatever was wrong) and be perfect.

"I'm learning that I CAN feel sad and scared – that I can be upset when a man puts a gun to my Mom’s head.

"I have disguised my struggles by acting strong. I took refuge in imagining things were different than they were.

"I'm working to have the courage to remember the truth.
I am still programmed to be the way I was but I'm learning that my main job is to maintain my happiness.

"Now I ask myself when I meet people: Is my purpose to get acceptance or is it to connect with the other?”

Do you see how Tiffany is doing Shadow Work? Tell us on the comment section.

*You didn't see the word Shadow in this post - only "shadows" of the Shadow. Were you able to apply what we've learned the last few months?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Enjoy A Midweek Beauty Bonus

Compass Plants

Is Your Shadow Roundup Resistant? - #78

Two weeks ago during a visit to a friend's farm in Central Iowa, I received* this picture. At the time it wasn't clear why multiple shots of this scene were necessary. It still isn't; maybe we can figure it out together.

As the images accumulated on my Canon,  I heard my friend describe the weeds we were viewing in two words:  "Roundup Resistant."

Weeds are problematic. Weeds inflict pain with their sharp thorns and weeds can cause suffering with poisonous sap. Weeds crowd in where they are not wanted. Weeds pop up unexpectedly and mar aesthetic beauty. Other than dandelions,  we mostly don't take time to identify their names. We just don't care for them.   

Characters in our Shadow cause similar problems. When we observe their habitual patterns and embrace them as part of being human, they are less problematic.

Here's an example: A deep-seated pain sublet a chunk of my Shadow for decades.  At age six, I lost my place as the one and only child in my family. My jealous feelings acted as a barrier separating me from others until I could recognize and honor the loss.  

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "Roundup Resistant"? 

I'm  thinking. Please share what you think.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*Thanks to Christine Valters Paintner for suggesting the practice of receiving images rather than taking or making images. See her book: Eyes of the Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice (2013).

Saliva & Shadow - Midweek Bonus Post

"To discuss making friends with your shadow is one thing; to do it is quite something else. 

Imagine drawing your mouth together and gathering a pool of saliva. Now gently spit that pool of saliva into a drinking glass. Then do it again, and continue to do it until you have accumulated, say, half an inch of your saliva in the glass.

Now look at it, study it, contemplate it--and then drink it.

Most of us have the same type of reaction to our shadow--the very thought of this is repulsive. It is truly my own; it is a part of me. But drink my saliva! Make friends with my shadow! Yech! Get rid of it!"*

As we learn more about the Shadow, I hope you are becoming more open to making friends with it. The thesis of Miller's book is not to rid ourselves of the shadow but instead, accept it and take its existence into account; learn its qualities and intentions; realize that in its ambiguity and paradox it is to be "suffered" and used constructively.

Let us know in the comment section of exploring the mystery what you have learned about your shadow.

*Make Friends With Your Shadow: How to Accept and Use Positively the Negative Side of Your Personality (1981) William A. Miller.

I Have a Bossy Type A Shadow Part! Do You? - #77

Sticking our noses into our Shadow can be intimidating. 

It takes willpower to explore parts of ourselves we don't like to acknowledge. 

Though usually enlisted to keep us out of trouble, willpower can also be summoned to help us accomplish what is most important to us.

What matters most to me right now is enjoying the last month of summer.  

There is a bossy-overfunctioning-anxious-productive part in my shadow that doesn't see the value of adopting a different rhythm during long hot summer days and evenings. 

It seems odd that a person (me) would need to rely on willpower to carve out time for naps, novels and lazy days.

Do you need to use willpower to relax?

Please share with us how/if willpower helps you find relaxation.
Go to www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  and use the comment section. 

Midweek Bonus Post - exploring the mystery

It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between.
                     
Diane Ackerman
A Natural History of the Senses

Picture received (or you could say taken) at Buddhist Nunnery Garden in Hong Kong, March, 2013.

Projectile Vomiting - #76

Living by ourselves makes it easier to maintain an undisturbed Shadow.

It is easier to hide our less-than-savory parts when they are not triggered by an other who lives with us 24/7.   


Regardless of our living situation, it is not unusual for unknown parts of our Shadow to burst forth from their dim container.  

To compare spewing the contents of our Shadow to projectile vomiting may seem overly dramatic.  

We project all manner of things outside of ourselves. We project the traits we dislike about ourselves and we project the positive characteristics of which we don't feel worthy.  

The character traits we have squirreled away in our Shadow are not recognized as being a part of us - we only see these traits in other people when the defense of projection is in action.   

Projection is our friend. 

Why? 

If we are smart, we can use projection as an internal detective. We can track down the contents of our Shadow by watching who we have strong reactions to. When we feel an intense dislike or an intense liking for someone - we can be pretty certain that projection is in action.   

Are you brave enough to claim your Shadow parts? Do you recognize when psychological projection is in action? Share with us in the comments section. You can find it by clicking on this link: www.NickyMendenhallexploring the mystery.blogspot.com 

Tune in next week............

Exclusive Shadow Sighting - #75

 

Our Noble Nervous Nature - Midweek Bonus Post

"Curiously people resist the noble aspects of their Shadow more strenuously than they do the dark sides.

It is more disrupting to find you have a profound nobility of character than to find out you are a bum."*

Or so writes Robert A. Johnson. Do these pronouncements ring true for you personally? for others? What noble aspects of your Shadow do you ignore? Do you protest when someone gives you a compliment? What could possibly be disruptive about being informed you have a noble character?  

Visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  and let us know how you feel and what you think about Johnson's statements. 

*Quote from Owning Your Own Shadow (1991) Robert A. Johnson

Princess Meets The Shadow - #74

The first six years of my life, I was the adored only child. Mom outfitted the two of us in black floor-length satin skirts before preparing candlelight dinners to serve my farmer father. Alas, his world view didn't involve dressing for dinner. 

I believed my mother was perfect. The oceanic closeness we shared fulfilled all my needs. 

Then four siblings crashed the party.

At age six, I lost only child status in the real world.  My primitive brain, however, didn't lose "only child" programming. Primitive brains guard patterns for decades so true to form, the yearning for oceanic closeness and a feeling of being special has been part of my life.  

This desire made its home in the root cellar of my Shadow.  

Now instead of rooting around aimlessly in my shadow, I choose to retrain my brain! When the familiar yearning to be special makes itself known, I remember its origin. My conscious adult self (or we could say my neocortex) calculates the limitations of oceanic closeness and celebrates the joys of separateness.  

It is difficult and painful to muck about in in our shadow and redecorate our own self. We much prefer pasting our wallpaper on someone else.

What can you learn from an exploration of your Shadow? Please share with us in the comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

After 25 Posts - What Do We Know About Shadow? - #73

We have learned that imperfections and unrealized talents reside in the Shadow.  

Personally, the more I learn about the Shadow, the more intrigued I become! We humans are complex!  Exploring the multi-purpose, multi-chambered Shadow, we discover how foolish it is to search for perfection. 

It is fruitless to expend our energy trying to be perfect. If we are wise, striving to establish one-on-one relationships with our imperfections and hidden talents is our #1 focus. These are the intimate inner relationships that foster a feeling of well being. 

Think of the difference between (1) wanting to be special and (2) knowing you want to be special. If I want to be special and don't know that I want to be special, it is likely my requests for special treatment will take the form of demands. I will have a sense of entitlement and not even know it.  

Years ago on a tour of India a woman in our group proudly declared: "I never take the first hotel room that I'm offered!"  (The Shadow knows!)

Tune in next week for an example of how I am moving a resident of my Shadow condominium into assisted living.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Bonus Post - Using the Shadow

"How is your shadow--your honorable shadow?" 

This was a customary greeting between friends in Japan, a recognition that what we reject is as important as what we embrace.

I walk with my shadow behind me, sometimes ahead, and often to the side. It is my capricious companion: visible, then hidden, amorphous. 

A shadow is never created in darkness. It is born of light.

We can be blind to it and blinded by it.

Our shadow asks us to look at what we don't want to see. If we refuse to face out shadow, it will project itself on someone else so we have no choice but to engage.*

These lines are from When Women Were Birds by Terry Tempest Williams. Subtitle: "Fifty-four Variations on Voice." 

I love the idea of greeting what we reject and realizing its importance. How can we begin to do this?

exploring the mystery wishes you a Happy Fourth of July!
                                                  Nicky Mendenhall

Shadow Bonding Benefit - #72

"Inside each of us is a second self, a living being we're deeply ashamed of."

So begins an exploration of Shadow as described in Stutz and Michels book, The Tools:

Close your eyes. Picture the characteristics of your being that you don't like - the parts you are ashamed of - your second self. Create an image that represents this second self.

Hold it in your mind, give it a face and body, and then in your imagination, push it out in front of you.  Feel a living presence. 

According to Stutz and Michels, the image/presence hovering in front of you will be your Shadow!  

Once this image is clear to you, ignore everything else and focus all of your attention on the image (which is your Shadow).

Develop an unbreakable bond with Shadow. (?)

United with the shadow, Stutz and Michels claim you will feel an inner authority.  

I've experimented with this method a couple of times. I must say it is unusual to embrace and bond with characteristics I have deemed to be inferior; to showcase and join with what I usually hide/hate required courage.  After my second try at this, much to my surprise, I experienced a feeling of wholeness and strength that lasted a nanosecond.

The authors think when bonded to the shadow, we speak a "language of the heart."  In my words, this means that the more we know all parts of ourselves, the more compassionate we can be.

The book is full of ancient spiritual wisdom presented in today's secular language.

Please let me know if you do the exercise or if you have questions.  


Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall











 

Midweek Post: Goal Is Not To Help You Feel Better

exploring the mystery's goal is not to help you feel better. This is a blog designed to help you feel more.  

When you yield to your feelings (whether these are feelings of joy or feelings of grief), you will begin to radiate authenticity, connect more deeply with others, and feel genuinely alive.

Does this make sense to you?

If yes, share your comments on: 
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. 

If no, share your reasons on:
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. 

If you have questions, ask them on:
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

Note: When I received this image last December in Colorado, I didn't know what a gift it would be this June. For information on a receiving images see Eyes of the Heart by Christine Valters Painter.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere signs - #71

Roaming around our interior landscapes, we met the Boys in the Basement. Getting acquainted with the Boys necessitated meeting the Girls. This led us to focusing on the Shadow which we are learning is the container for these inner entities.  

Now I'm skimming The Tools by Stutz and Michels, a book I learned about in the New York Times when a celebrity named it as a book currently on their nightstand.   I checked it out at the Urbandale Public Library, read the first chapter, then it disappeared on my stack of must reads. Notified it was due, I looked at it again, and decided to renew.

Reviews of the book are mixed: some say it is groundbreaking; others say it is vague and unoriginal.

Opposites have been showing up in my life with startling regularity. In the twenty-first century there appears to be no middle ground. People either hate or love; approve or disapprove; accept or reject.

Much to my surprise, Shadow is central to The Tools message.  
I need a bit more time to study this adaptation of Jung's ideas   before I cast my vote.

Even though I will feature the book below, it is not yet an endorsement.

Next week we will continue exploring the mystery!
                                                                  Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Shadow PicturePoem from exploring the mystery

oceans and oceans

of potions and lotions

devotions to notions

and shadowed emotions

anonymous

Finding Your Shadow in the U-Haul Unit - #70

As I toted my favorite three books on the shadow up and down the stairs this week, moving them from my reading chair on ground level to my desk on the lower level, this question surfaced: "How are readers going to find their shadows?"

I haven't fully answered this question. I haven't finished reading the books. This is a work in progress;

I want to understand how to locate the contents of my shadow too.

To explore this question, let us explore the mystery and play with an analogy: 

 Let's say every month a bill from U-Haul Storage Units arrives in your mailbox. You don't know you have a storage unit.  Because you are really busy and the charge is not that much and you decide it is an error, the first month you treat it as junk mail and throw it in the recycle bin.  

The bill keeps coming each month and you pitch it into recycle bin. After several months, you open it. You notice that past due charges have been added to the monthly service fee plus interest.  

Frustrated, you call U-Haul. They inform you they have in their possession a signed contract with your name on it.  You Google their address, drive over there, get the key and with key in hand, go to the unit that is supposedly yours. 

The unit is full of stuff - some of it is quite nice stuff you have no memory of and other stuff from your past life that doesn't fit well with who you are now.

You sort through the contents, organizing the things you can use now, call friends for help, throw out what you no longer need. The question is partially solved but the mystery remains. 

You still don't know how the stuff accumulated  but you realize that by paying attention, you have cleaned it out. You have new stuff to use and don't have to worry any longer about the rotten old stuff.

Most of you  have astutely deduced that the storage unit represents the shadow and the contents are the unresolved feelings stored there.

Shadow work comes from the most unusual places. Stay tuned!

What helps you find your shadow? Is it packed too tightly away to access? Let us know your thoughts on the blog in the comments section or shoot me an email.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me. Nicky Mendenhall
  

Midweek Bonus - Who Do You Trust?

"You know that the flower bends when the wind wants it to, and you must become like that -- that is, filled with deep trust."*

Do you have deep trust? In what?

I have deep trust that if I seek, I will find.**




*Poem for June 9 found in A Year With Rilke, translated and edited by Joanna Macy & Anita Barrows (2009).

**I may not find exactly what I was seeking but I trust what I find will enrich my life. For example, as I was seeking to upload a video of the above flowers blowing in the wind, I kept getting error messages. My life feels enriched creatively by asking you to move whatever device you are viewing this on back and forth to get the wind effect. Thank you!

Leave your comments by going to the blog address below.
Nicky Mendenhall

Show Me Your Mask - #69

Toddlers have angry feelings when they don't get what they want.  

Adults have angry feelings when they don't get what they want. 

When we witness the intense anger of a child, we tend to forget that  lurking in our primitive brain are equally intense feelings of anger. 

We lose touch with our intense anger; it is hidden by our persona (persona is the Greek word for mask). Good parents help children develop healthy personas.  
  
We present the persona to the world when we encounter primitive anger. This keeps us safe. The persona contains all the parts of our personalities that will gain approval from others.  

On the other hand, the shadow contains characteristics we hide from the world (and ourselves); it is opposite of the persona because the shadow is full of characteristics that would garner disapproval from others.

Our environment determines our persona which then determines what lands in our shadow. We need to guard against being critical of personas others exhibit because if we had been raised in the environment they were, we would likely exhibit similar characteristics.

Today while listening to a 50's XM station, I heard Debbie Reynolds singing: "Tammy's in Love." What a sappy song I thought as I hummed along remembering nearly all the words.

If a parent today helped their daughter design a persona like Tammy's, the girl would be severely handicapped living in the twenty-first century.

Does your persona need updating?

Midweek Bonus Post : Shadow Side of Perfection

"Honesty about living with all our limitations is healthier than the continual search to "do it all perfectly."*


The shadow knows.....................your limitations. 

Do You? 

How honest are you with yourself and others about your shortcomings.

If you dare to share your thoughts on this, visit the comments section at:  www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  

You will be among friends.

  *David Richo