Is Your Shadow Roundup Resistant? - #78

Two weeks ago during a visit to a friend's farm in Central Iowa, I received* this picture. At the time it wasn't clear why multiple shots of this scene were necessary. It still isn't; maybe we can figure it out together.

As the images accumulated on my Canon,  I heard my friend describe the weeds we were viewing in two words:  "Roundup Resistant."

Weeds are problematic. Weeds inflict pain with their sharp thorns and weeds can cause suffering with poisonous sap. Weeds crowd in where they are not wanted. Weeds pop up unexpectedly and mar aesthetic beauty. Other than dandelions,  we mostly don't take time to identify their names. We just don't care for them.   

Characters in our Shadow cause similar problems. When we observe their habitual patterns and embrace them as part of being human, they are less problematic.

Here's an example: A deep-seated pain sublet a chunk of my Shadow for decades.  At age six, I lost my place as the one and only child in my family. My jealous feelings acted as a barrier separating me from others until I could recognize and honor the loss.  

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "Roundup Resistant"? 

I'm  thinking. Please share what you think.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*Thanks to Christine Valters Paintner for suggesting the practice of receiving images rather than taking or making images. See her book: Eyes of the Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice (2013).

Saliva & Shadow - Midweek Bonus Post

"To discuss making friends with your shadow is one thing; to do it is quite something else. 

Imagine drawing your mouth together and gathering a pool of saliva. Now gently spit that pool of saliva into a drinking glass. Then do it again, and continue to do it until you have accumulated, say, half an inch of your saliva in the glass.

Now look at it, study it, contemplate it--and then drink it.

Most of us have the same type of reaction to our shadow--the very thought of this is repulsive. It is truly my own; it is a part of me. But drink my saliva! Make friends with my shadow! Yech! Get rid of it!"*

As we learn more about the Shadow, I hope you are becoming more open to making friends with it. The thesis of Miller's book is not to rid ourselves of the shadow but instead, accept it and take its existence into account; learn its qualities and intentions; realize that in its ambiguity and paradox it is to be "suffered" and used constructively.

Let us know in the comment section of exploring the mystery what you have learned about your shadow.

*Make Friends With Your Shadow: How to Accept and Use Positively the Negative Side of Your Personality (1981) William A. Miller.

I Have a Bossy Type A Shadow Part! Do You? - #77

Sticking our noses into our Shadow can be intimidating. 

It takes willpower to explore parts of ourselves we don't like to acknowledge. 

Though usually enlisted to keep us out of trouble, willpower can also be summoned to help us accomplish what is most important to us.

What matters most to me right now is enjoying the last month of summer.  

There is a bossy-overfunctioning-anxious-productive part in my shadow that doesn't see the value of adopting a different rhythm during long hot summer days and evenings. 

It seems odd that a person (me) would need to rely on willpower to carve out time for naps, novels and lazy days.

Do you need to use willpower to relax?

Please share with us how/if willpower helps you find relaxation.
Go to www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  and use the comment section. 

Midweek Bonus Post - exploring the mystery

It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between.
                     
Diane Ackerman
A Natural History of the Senses

Picture received (or you could say taken) at Buddhist Nunnery Garden in Hong Kong, March, 2013.

Projectile Vomiting - #76

Living by ourselves makes it easier to maintain an undisturbed Shadow.

It is easier to hide our less-than-savory parts when they are not triggered by an other who lives with us 24/7.   


Regardless of our living situation, it is not unusual for unknown parts of our Shadow to burst forth from their dim container.  

To compare spewing the contents of our Shadow to projectile vomiting may seem overly dramatic.  

We project all manner of things outside of ourselves. We project the traits we dislike about ourselves and we project the positive characteristics of which we don't feel worthy.  

The character traits we have squirreled away in our Shadow are not recognized as being a part of us - we only see these traits in other people when the defense of projection is in action.   

Projection is our friend. 

Why? 

If we are smart, we can use projection as an internal detective. We can track down the contents of our Shadow by watching who we have strong reactions to. When we feel an intense dislike or an intense liking for someone - we can be pretty certain that projection is in action.   

Are you brave enough to claim your Shadow parts? Do you recognize when psychological projection is in action? Share with us in the comments section. You can find it by clicking on this link: www.NickyMendenhallexploring the mystery.blogspot.com 

Tune in next week............

Exclusive Shadow Sighting - #75

 

Our Noble Nervous Nature - Midweek Bonus Post

"Curiously people resist the noble aspects of their Shadow more strenuously than they do the dark sides.

It is more disrupting to find you have a profound nobility of character than to find out you are a bum."*

Or so writes Robert A. Johnson. Do these pronouncements ring true for you personally? for others? What noble aspects of your Shadow do you ignore? Do you protest when someone gives you a compliment? What could possibly be disruptive about being informed you have a noble character?  

Visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  and let us know how you feel and what you think about Johnson's statements. 

*Quote from Owning Your Own Shadow (1991) Robert A. Johnson

Princess Meets The Shadow - #74

The first six years of my life, I was the adored only child. Mom outfitted the two of us in black floor-length satin skirts before preparing candlelight dinners to serve my farmer father. Alas, his world view didn't involve dressing for dinner. 

I believed my mother was perfect. The oceanic closeness we shared fulfilled all my needs. 

Then four siblings crashed the party.

At age six, I lost only child status in the real world.  My primitive brain, however, didn't lose "only child" programming. Primitive brains guard patterns for decades so true to form, the yearning for oceanic closeness and a feeling of being special has been part of my life.  

This desire made its home in the root cellar of my Shadow.  

Now instead of rooting around aimlessly in my shadow, I choose to retrain my brain! When the familiar yearning to be special makes itself known, I remember its origin. My conscious adult self (or we could say my neocortex) calculates the limitations of oceanic closeness and celebrates the joys of separateness.  

It is difficult and painful to muck about in in our shadow and redecorate our own self. We much prefer pasting our wallpaper on someone else.

What can you learn from an exploration of your Shadow? Please share with us in the comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

After 25 Posts - What Do We Know About Shadow? - #73

We have learned that imperfections and unrealized talents reside in the Shadow.  

Personally, the more I learn about the Shadow, the more intrigued I become! We humans are complex!  Exploring the multi-purpose, multi-chambered Shadow, we discover how foolish it is to search for perfection. 

It is fruitless to expend our energy trying to be perfect. If we are wise, striving to establish one-on-one relationships with our imperfections and hidden talents is our #1 focus. These are the intimate inner relationships that foster a feeling of well being. 

Think of the difference between (1) wanting to be special and (2) knowing you want to be special. If I want to be special and don't know that I want to be special, it is likely my requests for special treatment will take the form of demands. I will have a sense of entitlement and not even know it.  

Years ago on a tour of India a woman in our group proudly declared: "I never take the first hotel room that I'm offered!"  (The Shadow knows!)

Tune in next week for an example of how I am moving a resident of my Shadow condominium into assisted living.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Bonus Post - Using the Shadow

"How is your shadow--your honorable shadow?" 

This was a customary greeting between friends in Japan, a recognition that what we reject is as important as what we embrace.

I walk with my shadow behind me, sometimes ahead, and often to the side. It is my capricious companion: visible, then hidden, amorphous. 

A shadow is never created in darkness. It is born of light.

We can be blind to it and blinded by it.

Our shadow asks us to look at what we don't want to see. If we refuse to face out shadow, it will project itself on someone else so we have no choice but to engage.*

These lines are from When Women Were Birds by Terry Tempest Williams. Subtitle: "Fifty-four Variations on Voice." 

I love the idea of greeting what we reject and realizing its importance. How can we begin to do this?

exploring the mystery wishes you a Happy Fourth of July!
                                                  Nicky Mendenhall

Shadow Bonding Benefit - #72

"Inside each of us is a second self, a living being we're deeply ashamed of."

So begins an exploration of Shadow as described in Stutz and Michels book, The Tools:

Close your eyes. Picture the characteristics of your being that you don't like - the parts you are ashamed of - your second self. Create an image that represents this second self.

Hold it in your mind, give it a face and body, and then in your imagination, push it out in front of you.  Feel a living presence. 

According to Stutz and Michels, the image/presence hovering in front of you will be your Shadow!  

Once this image is clear to you, ignore everything else and focus all of your attention on the image (which is your Shadow).

Develop an unbreakable bond with Shadow. (?)

United with the shadow, Stutz and Michels claim you will feel an inner authority.  

I've experimented with this method a couple of times. I must say it is unusual to embrace and bond with characteristics I have deemed to be inferior; to showcase and join with what I usually hide/hate required courage.  After my second try at this, much to my surprise, I experienced a feeling of wholeness and strength that lasted a nanosecond.

The authors think when bonded to the shadow, we speak a "language of the heart."  In my words, this means that the more we know all parts of ourselves, the more compassionate we can be.

The book is full of ancient spiritual wisdom presented in today's secular language.

Please let me know if you do the exercise or if you have questions.  


Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall











 

Midweek Post: Goal Is Not To Help You Feel Better

exploring the mystery's goal is not to help you feel better. This is a blog designed to help you feel more.  

When you yield to your feelings (whether these are feelings of joy or feelings of grief), you will begin to radiate authenticity, connect more deeply with others, and feel genuinely alive.

Does this make sense to you?

If yes, share your comments on: 
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. 

If no, share your reasons on:
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. 

If you have questions, ask them on:
www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

Note: When I received this image last December in Colorado, I didn't know what a gift it would be this June. For information on a receiving images see Eyes of the Heart by Christine Valters Painter.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere signs - #71

Roaming around our interior landscapes, we met the Boys in the Basement. Getting acquainted with the Boys necessitated meeting the Girls. This led us to focusing on the Shadow which we are learning is the container for these inner entities.  

Now I'm skimming The Tools by Stutz and Michels, a book I learned about in the New York Times when a celebrity named it as a book currently on their nightstand.   I checked it out at the Urbandale Public Library, read the first chapter, then it disappeared on my stack of must reads. Notified it was due, I looked at it again, and decided to renew.

Reviews of the book are mixed: some say it is groundbreaking; others say it is vague and unoriginal.

Opposites have been showing up in my life with startling regularity. In the twenty-first century there appears to be no middle ground. People either hate or love; approve or disapprove; accept or reject.

Much to my surprise, Shadow is central to The Tools message.  
I need a bit more time to study this adaptation of Jung's ideas   before I cast my vote.

Even though I will feature the book below, it is not yet an endorsement.

Next week we will continue exploring the mystery!
                                                                  Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Shadow PicturePoem from exploring the mystery

oceans and oceans

of potions and lotions

devotions to notions

and shadowed emotions

anonymous

Finding Your Shadow in the U-Haul Unit - #70

As I toted my favorite three books on the shadow up and down the stairs this week, moving them from my reading chair on ground level to my desk on the lower level, this question surfaced: "How are readers going to find their shadows?"

I haven't fully answered this question. I haven't finished reading the books. This is a work in progress;

I want to understand how to locate the contents of my shadow too.

To explore this question, let us explore the mystery and play with an analogy: 

 Let's say every month a bill from U-Haul Storage Units arrives in your mailbox. You don't know you have a storage unit.  Because you are really busy and the charge is not that much and you decide it is an error, the first month you treat it as junk mail and throw it in the recycle bin.  

The bill keeps coming each month and you pitch it into recycle bin. After several months, you open it. You notice that past due charges have been added to the monthly service fee plus interest.  

Frustrated, you call U-Haul. They inform you they have in their possession a signed contract with your name on it.  You Google their address, drive over there, get the key and with key in hand, go to the unit that is supposedly yours. 

The unit is full of stuff - some of it is quite nice stuff you have no memory of and other stuff from your past life that doesn't fit well with who you are now.

You sort through the contents, organizing the things you can use now, call friends for help, throw out what you no longer need. The question is partially solved but the mystery remains. 

You still don't know how the stuff accumulated  but you realize that by paying attention, you have cleaned it out. You have new stuff to use and don't have to worry any longer about the rotten old stuff.

Most of you  have astutely deduced that the storage unit represents the shadow and the contents are the unresolved feelings stored there.

Shadow work comes from the most unusual places. Stay tuned!

What helps you find your shadow? Is it packed too tightly away to access? Let us know your thoughts on the blog in the comments section or shoot me an email.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me. Nicky Mendenhall
  

Midweek Bonus - Who Do You Trust?

"You know that the flower bends when the wind wants it to, and you must become like that -- that is, filled with deep trust."*

Do you have deep trust? In what?

I have deep trust that if I seek, I will find.**




*Poem for June 9 found in A Year With Rilke, translated and edited by Joanna Macy & Anita Barrows (2009).

**I may not find exactly what I was seeking but I trust what I find will enrich my life. For example, as I was seeking to upload a video of the above flowers blowing in the wind, I kept getting error messages. My life feels enriched creatively by asking you to move whatever device you are viewing this on back and forth to get the wind effect. Thank you!

Leave your comments by going to the blog address below.
Nicky Mendenhall

Show Me Your Mask - #69

Toddlers have angry feelings when they don't get what they want.  

Adults have angry feelings when they don't get what they want. 

When we witness the intense anger of a child, we tend to forget that  lurking in our primitive brain are equally intense feelings of anger. 

We lose touch with our intense anger; it is hidden by our persona (persona is the Greek word for mask). Good parents help children develop healthy personas.  
  
We present the persona to the world when we encounter primitive anger. This keeps us safe. The persona contains all the parts of our personalities that will gain approval from others.  

On the other hand, the shadow contains characteristics we hide from the world (and ourselves); it is opposite of the persona because the shadow is full of characteristics that would garner disapproval from others.

Our environment determines our persona which then determines what lands in our shadow. We need to guard against being critical of personas others exhibit because if we had been raised in the environment they were, we would likely exhibit similar characteristics.

Today while listening to a 50's XM station, I heard Debbie Reynolds singing: "Tammy's in Love." What a sappy song I thought as I hummed along remembering nearly all the words.

If a parent today helped their daughter design a persona like Tammy's, the girl would be severely handicapped living in the twenty-first century.

Does your persona need updating?

Midweek Bonus Post : Shadow Side of Perfection

"Honesty about living with all our limitations is healthier than the continual search to "do it all perfectly."*


The shadow knows.....................your limitations. 

Do You? 

How honest are you with yourself and others about your shortcomings.

If you dare to share your thoughts on this, visit the comments section at:  www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  

You will be among friends.

  *David Richo

What's That Smell? - #68

Mere minutes after pushing the publish button for the Midweek Bonus Boots Post, I felt uneasy.  

Meanwhile, Georgie (AKA Lady Victoria Georgiana Charlotte Eugenie - heroine of  Her Royal Spyness* mystery series) is being asked by Her Majesty the Queen to investigate several murders. Since it isn't proper to say no to HMQ, Georgie becomes a detective and solves crimes by relying on her impulses, reactions, and feelings. 

My compulsion to read Spyness mysteries and my compulsion to understand the Shadow initially seemed two separate drives. Today I realize that Georgie provides a model for my exploration of the Shadow; she's in contact with her impulses, reactions and feelings all of which are found in the Shadow.

So when I read the words, "unholy trio" in the published version, I felt someone could compare me with Prince Siegfried; he always looked as if there were a bad smell under his nose. This phrase, my words not Miller's, words that initially appeared the height of cleverness and literary aplomb,** actually stunk.  

The goal of writing about the shadow has been to encourage an investigation of the shadow.  

It makes no sense to label impulses, reactions, and feelings unholy.  

Tune in next week to solve the mystery: Why did I use unholy?  Did you object to the words? Please let us know by going to the comment section and leaving your thoughts.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

 

*A mystery series by Rhys Bowen that made me laugh out loud, pull my feet off the floor in flight, say OH NO multiple times and stay up way too late. So far I've read Her Royal Spyness, A Royal Pain, Royal Flush, Royal Blood, and as soon as this is published I will begin Naughty in Nice.
**I'm not sure how words like this pop into my awareness. I had to look it up and found it fit perfectly. If you aren't familiar with the word, look it up - there are many reasons that each of you can claim this wonderful word!

Midweek Bonus Boots With UFO

Impulses, reactions, and feelings are rather primitive and unrefined but natural to the human being. This Unholy Trio is often relegated to the shadow. Miller writes they are "kicked down the cellar stairs and a heavy door slammed shut on them."

Are you brave enough to go to your Basement? Share your adventures in the comments section.

Posts will continue to focus on the shadow until you, as readers, say ENOUGH or your author feels satisfied she can understand and write about this complex topic in understandable ways. The next post will make its appearance on the blog sometime this Friday and will be sent out by Feedburner early Saturday morning to those who have a free subscription to exploring the mystery. 

To sign up, click on exploring the mystery at the bottom of this email. This will take you to the blog. Above my picture you click on "subscribe" which will then ask you for your email address and to copy down funny looking letters. Be sure to respond to the email you will be sent in order to finalize your subscription. If you have friends you think would appreciate these posts, please forward this email to them. 

Thanks for exploring the mysterious shadow - Nicky Mendenhall

*Ideas and quote from Make Friends With Your Shadow by William A. Miller

Seesaw Shadow Catcher - #67

Growing up my main wish was to please my parents. My secondary wish,  for many years, was to behave in such a way that no one would be upset with me.

To make it possible to meet these goals,  I needed to hide my negative traits.

Hiding or ignoring my negative traits (even from myself)   consumed as much energy as I spent on developing positive traits.  

So you can guess my sense of bewilderment when I learned that a healthy mature adult recognizes and accepts, even embraces, all parts of the self.

Knowing my anger, selfishness, jealousy, talent, didn't appeal to my perfectionist self.  

Robert A. Johnson* describes a healthy adult as one who stands in the center of a seesaw: positive traits piled on the right side and negative traits stacked on the left.  When we get in the middle, then shift a little to the left, then a little to the right - we encounter the wholeness of balance.

I was skeptical I could make this work. My fear was that if my negative stuff was no longer hidden, it would weigh the left side down; everyone would see what a low-down rotten person I was.

Little did I know the others already knew my negative traits! I also wasn't aware that many of them would cheer if I was my authentic self.

When we hide our negative or our positive traits, we build up our shadow. Unfortunately we don't hide these negative traits from anyone but ourselves. Other people know long before we do when we are selfish, inconsiderate, mean, or that we have a lot to offer our community.

When we have an awareness of these traits, we come to the middle of the seesaw.

Successfully balanced we can be our authentic self. Please take your balanced (or unbalanced) self to the comment section and share your struggles and successes. It is important to express ourselves plus it encourages others.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Mid Week Bonus Post

"I'm amazed by what I managed not to see."

I ran across this line when reading The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa.  Pessoa was born in Lisbon in 1888, died there in 1935, and did not often leave the city as an adult. 

Writing in Portuguese, he wrote in notebooks, on loose sheets, on the backs of letters, advertisements and handbills, on stationery from the firms he worked on and from the cafes he frequented, on envelopes, on paper scraps, and in the margins of his own earlier text. 

To compound the confusion, he wrote under dozens of names, a practice- or compulsion - that began in his childhood. 

Pessoa referred to the many names under which he wrote prose and poetry as "heteronyms" rather than as pseudonyms, since they were not merely false names but belonged to invented others, to fictional writers with points of view and literary styles that were different from Pessoa's. Personally I find that amazing and thank Mason for introducing me to this fascinating man!

Here's another line from Pessoa:

"I marvel at all that I was and that I now see I'm not."

After we finish our investigation of the shadow, we may say similar things. 

What have you have managed not to see? 

Do you think of yourself differently than you used to? 

As always, you are invited to share your reactions in the comment section or hit reply and send me an email.

Thanks for being part of this community exploring the mystery -
                                                        
                                                                      Nicky Mendenhall

In Case of FIRE - Shadow Work - #67

FIRE in this case refers to your anger at me for the Midweek Post.    

Let your feelings of annoyance (or disgust or outrage) act as an impetus for beginning your own shadow work. 

What is shadow work you ask?

Here's the Twitter version: Shadow work is figuring out what is hidden in our shadow.  

I remember an experience in my own life that will get us started.

In small towns, a new kid in class is a big deal. In fifth grade, Cathy Montgomery moved to Melbourne. She disrupted my whole life. She was smarter than me. She was popular. She had a mind of her own. She was probably good looking though it didn't appear that way to me.  

My parents joked that after Cathy joined our class, all I could talk about was how she irritated me. I remember feeling that they were not very sympathetic.  

Toward the end of the school year, Cathy announced she was moving out of town. Joining with the others, I bemoaned this news but internally, I rejoiced. My nemesis was leaving!

I suggested that we plan a going away party. Wearing my bossy pants was easy as there was no interference from the guest of honor. We did it my way. I remember someone brought potato chips.

For my contribution, I sang Red River Valley, all four verses.  "From this valley they say you are leaving, we will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile." My voice faltered on the word miss while I thought - "good riddance!"

I remember experiencing satisfaction (I felt special performing but annoyed my performance wasn't perfect), at the same time I felt uncomfortable (this was confusing - why wasn't I happier?)

Unfortunately I never spoke to anyone about these internal feelings. My mean feelings stayed hidden and as a result, I missed learning how to manage my own competitiveness. I didn't learn the skill of letting go or how to grieve. I didn't know how bossy I was. I didn't realize my need to be special.  I hid all these feelings - in my shadow. 

I bet Cathy saw those things in me. 

I'm inviting you to join me in an exploration of the shadow.  Tell me your shadow stories.

And Cathy, if you should happen to read this: Let's talk.

Thanks for exploring the mysterious shadow - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Bonus Post: You May Not Like This

 *Lehman writes.......

when she told him it was ok to allow his anti-social impulses into his poetry...The sensuality and violence that the boy felt he had to repress in his daily life found their way into the stream of consciousness writing he set himself to do.

In one piece he wrote of the urge to "step on a baby's head because it is so big and round and soft like a balloon, and would go squash under my feet".

Katherine Lappa remained unflappable. "That's very good', she said, "that's just what you should be feeling - part of what you're feeling. Keep doing it." 

Koch would come to regard this as an "instance of the benevolent influence that Freud has had on my life. I was able to enjoy the benefit of a teacher who in Cincinnati in 1942 had undergone psychoanalysis."


Thanks for delving into the Shadow with me - Nicky Mendenhall



* Adam Phillips in Equals (2002) cites David Lehman's story about Kenneth Koch's process of becoming a poet and the help he received from his teacher Katherine Lappa. (pg. 45)

Girls and Boys Cavort In the Shadows - #66

According to Dr. Bjork, when Boys in Basement are rambunctious, they are showing Girls in Glee Club a good time.  

To understand our primitive brain (AKA Boys/Girls Home), picture Boys exploring a Sao Paulo favela.* The Girls accompany them; they want to see what trouble the Boys' compulsive desires will get them in this time.

The boys start a big fire. The flames leap into the night sky. 

They create huge dark shadows. The Boys and Girls begin to weave in and out of the light and the shadows.

When we use the word shadow in the psychological world, we are referring to the dumping ground for all the characteristics of our personality that we don't want to claim.**

If these characteristics are hidden long enough and not recognized consciously, they will take on a life of their own.  We create an internal favela.

When our temper bursts forth (picture flames); we are releasing the energy of anger from our shadow.

Whenever there is powerful energy (light), the result is dark shadows. 

When we want to avoid a confrontation with our shadow, we judge others. If I judge you, I don't have to recognize my own hidden characteristics: the focus is on you.

According to Richo, the shadow layers of ego are control, fear, attachment, the need to fix things, obsession with an outcome, blame of others, and shame about ourselves.

Don't worry if this doesn't make sense to you. In the next few weeks we will work together to understand the concept of the shadow. Be sure to use the comment section to share your thoughts and questions. Recently I've had a new awareness about shadow that I will try to share with you. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*Favela - In Brazil, a slum at the edge of a city.

**I relied heavily on Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche by Robert A. Johnson AND Shadow Dance by David Richo for ideas regarding the Shadow's role in our lives.

Midweek Bubble from exploring the mystery

"Isolated, as we are, in our individual umwelten*, we cannot know the richness of the multiverse outside our little soap bubbles.  As I "bottom-lined" in my lecture to all of you in Bangkok, the meaning of your life inside your soap bubble is that that which makes you weep." 

                                                     Randy Bjork, M.D

What does it mean to live in a soap bubble? How do you experience the richness of the multiverse? Do you think you live in a soap bubble? What makes you weep? Check out my new bubble picture: exploring the mystery

*umwelt [ˈʊmvɛlt]

n Biology psychol

(Psychology) the environmental factors, collectively, that are capable of affecting the behaviour of an animal or individual

[from German Umwelt environment]

The Boys Aren't Alone in the Basement Anymore! - #66

Digging deeply, probing mercilessly, the last several weeks we here at exploring the mystery have been up to our elbows in limbic systems.

What did we discover? 

Boys in the Basement! 

These boys represent fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy.

Last week one of my readers, a woman I respect for her wisdom, reluctantly confessed that the metaphor of boys in the basement was off-putting to her. 

Honesty like that needs to be rewarded. Since the basement (limbic system) has lots of room, I want to introduce you to:

The Girls Glee Club.

I guarantee you the Girls know as much about fear, anger, despair and ecstasy as the Boys! 

Don't waste your breath trying to persuade the Girls that their fears are unwarranted. These primitive fears are very real to them; they know the origins long before you are conscious of them.  

The Girls have been helping piece together my story. Here it is: 

In 1920, Carrie (my paternal grandmother) was married to Carl (my paternal grandfather). Carrie was newly pregnant (with my father) when her brother John invited the couple to attend a Memorial Day Celebration.

During the twenty-one gun salute, when the rifles were raised, a drunken Veteran mistakenly shot his rifle into the barrel of another rifle. Metal fragments flew into the crowd (reminds me of the horror of the bombing at the Boston Marathon). My grandmother's arm was pierced with a piece of metal. My grandfather lost an eye.

My Great Uncle John never forgave himself.

This story helps me understand my fears.

Every once in awhile I freak out about driving. Grandma didn't like to drive. Mom didn't like to drive. 


My latest uprising of fear is about driving anywhere I may get lost. I partly blame my fear of driving to damage of my left eye's optic nerve which results in a picture of the world as distorted, blurry, black and white instead of clear sparkling color. The damaged nerve also messes with my depth perception so my eyes tell me what is printed on the rear view mirror: objects are closer than they appear. 

Or maybe I am a fearful, anxious person who is afraid of the unknown and who is letting fear hamper my freedom.

I'm trying to approach the fear in different ways than I used to. Instead of berating myself and stuffing fear, I tell everyone that I don't like to drive out of town and see how that feels. I make an appointment for an eye exam to see if my vision really has changed since last year. I write to you about my most embarrassing fears. I talk to my Girls. 

Do you have fears? Of what? How do you manage them? Please let me know in the comments section or by emailing me.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Bonus Post for Readers of exploring the mystery

"As I make my slow pilgrimage through the world, a certain sense of beautiful mystery seems to gather and grow."*

What would change if you contemplated your life as a slow pilgrimage full of beautiful mystery?

Thanks for being part of this community. Nicky Mendenhall


*Arthur Christopher Benson (24 April 1862 – 17 June 1925) was an English essayist, poet, and author and the 28th Master of Magdalene College, Cambridge.

Boys In Basement Background Check - #65

When we meet new people we often ask, "where do you live?"  

In the past three posts, exploring the mystery has introduced you to Boys in the Basement.  It is my hope that you are getting to know them, that you are benefiting from these new relationships, and that  you are eager to ask questions similar to the one above.  

In case you do wonder where the boys hang their hats, wonder no more: They reside in your limbic system. 

If your next question is "what do you mean by limbic system?"   Wikipedia has the answer:

The Limbic system is a group of deep brain structures, common to all mammals and including the hippocampus, amygdala, gyrus fornicatus, and connecting structures, associated with olfaction, emotion, motivation, behavior, and various autonomic functions.

If your eyes glaze over when you read the above four lines, just remember that the boys are a natural organic part of us. They have always been with us.

Therefore it makes sense to greet them, embrace them, and be curious about them at least once a day.  

Dr. Bjork (who introduced me to Boys in Basement in Bangkok) said in his lecture that reasoning with them doesn't usually work. Fighting them doesn't work. He advised that our best bet is to be limbic moderate.

Are you limbic moderate? 

Tune in next week for more thoughts on our new acquaintances. Let me know which of the Boys is the most challenging for you: fear, anger, despair, ecstasy?

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall 

Wednesday Bonus Post from exploring the mystery

A Wednesday/Thursday quote for readers of exploring the mystery:

Pause to Wonder*

Albert Einstein

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead, his eyes are closed.

Source: What I Believe

*This was my morning reading from The Church of the Saviour in Washington, D.C.
Sign up here: www.inwardoutward.org
 

Making a Safe Harbor for the Boys in the Basement - #64

"We like to think of ourselves as individuals. But it is important to remember that, on a deep level, we are really plural beings."* 

Admitting you house a Boys in the Basement Quartet does not put you in line for a diagnosis of multiple personality disorder. Instead it indicates you are in the life-giving process of claiming and exercising your appetites. 

To sidestep Mary's question in last week's comment section, "Are the boys in the basement unconscious?" Dr. Bjork suggests that we think of the boys as appetites.

From what I know, (I didn't consult the Dr. about this), appetites reside in the same general area of the brain as the Boys.  I think the instinctual appetites work off one another to egg on the Boys while the Boys tantalize or depress the appetites.  

Recently they've both been messing with me: I say let's have one square of dark chocolate and they say: NOT enough, we need seven.    

To safely harbor the Boys in the Basement, most of us will need to go through a period of transition. Transitions can be treacherous; the transition in Iowa from winter to spring being a prime example. 

When it comes to the Boys, the transition will be from ignoring them to interacting with them on a daily basis. Touching base with our fears, recognizing our anger, admitting the despair, and finding ecstasy is quite the chore for those of us who are used to largely ignoring and hiding these appetites. 

Thinking of fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy as appetites is helpful to me. It's not a perfect fit but work with it and see what you discover.  

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

*This quote from Robert A. Johnson's book Ecstasy: Understanding the Psychology of Joy (1987), may help you deal with the Boys in the Basement idea. Strangely enough there are two copies of this book on my bookshelf. Special Bonus from exploring the mystery: I will mail the second copy(used) to the first person who emails me and requests it.  




 







 

Getting to Know The Boys In The Basement - #63

Randall J. Bjork* satisfied my curiosity regarding the fourth boy in the basement (ecstasy) with one word:  

"Orgasm!" 

After taking a moment to enjoy my startled expression, Randy assured me: "Bacon and eggs on Saturday morning are orgasmic."

Since Saturday morning crispy bacon and hash browns at the Cozy Cafe have been known to satisfy my carnal desires, I grasp his point immediately.  

I continue my cross examination: "Do you have a treatment plan for the Boys in the Basement?" 

His answer surprises me. Contrary to my initial instinct to keep the boys locked in the basement, Randy indicates that entertaining the boys daily would be prudent.  

Here are Randy's words to me after reading Post #62: 

Those Boys represent the primary, unmodified emotions of the mammalian brain.  Just think of some pleasant pastels of them for everyday balanced living...sort of a Goldilocks approach to things.

To address your interest in ecstasy, a pastel might be enjoying a nice cup of white peony tea while reading Emily Dickinson or contemplating Ecclesiastes on The Sabbath.  You can define unbridled ecstasy for yourself, but it might involve increasing your calorie count--don't forget to push fluids.


In more practical but less poetic words, I would say monitor and make conscious inchoate** fear, kindle a  spark of anger when needed for self- protection, embrace a dark smudge of despair and coax it to reveal its deep roots, and indulge in at least one activity a day that brings pleasure.  

Or - if you prefer - increase your calorie count and push fluids!

We will learn more about the boys in the coming weeks! In the meantime, my suggestion is to introduce yourself to your boys in the basement. Let them know what you need and let us know what you discover!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Dr. Bjork, M.D.,"Neurophilosophy: The Meaning of Life" - a presentation in Bangkok for Creativity and Madness Conference, 2013.

**Inchoate - a new word for me meaning just began and so not fully developed. 

Boys in the Basement - #62

Spoiler Alert for Nicky's Current Psychotherapy Clients: Since psychoanalytic theory posits therapists can be more effective if details of their personal lives are unknown to the client, I did not disclose information regarding my time out of the office to you prior to my departure. Partial details of my time off will be revealed in the post that follows. I trust this literary sharing will not interfere with our therapeutic progress.

Special Note for General Readers: Because my quest continues to learn new words, I'm including some new-to-me words in the post below. I trust this will not interfere with your reading pleasure.  

Marking my calendar to be out of the office a week before and a week after attending a two-week Creativity and Madness Conference stirred up latent emotions of recklessness, privilege, and fear. Packing colorful summer clothes in the midst of a particularly drab winter called for all the imagination I could generate. Shelling out big bucks for travel insurance suddenly felt essential; friends in New Zealand recently experienced a medical emergency while touring India. 

Despite these internal and external challenges, I yearned to attend this conference. I was also eager to escape the beastly cold weather. My enthusiasm was further kindled when it snowed the day before we departed. I nurtured a deep inner knowing that everything would work out.

First stop: Bangkok. 

First speaker: Dr. Randall J. Bjork, M.D.

First Topic: Neurophilosophy: The Meaning of Life. 

It was a bit of a disappointment when the hotel meeting room at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel was almost the spitting image of a Holiday Inn meeting room in the USA. It was a bit of a disappointment when most of Dr. Bjork's didactic lecture didn't make sense to me. He used words like sapient, and teleology, and epiphenomenon.

But I wasn't disappointed in the least when I heard him say: Boys in the Basement.

Dr. Bjork suddenly had my undivided attention. I was jolted out of my jet lag by the rhythm of the phrase and the unmistakable twinkle in Dr. Bjork's eye.

It was, however, a disappointment when Dr. Bjork didn't explain the boys other than to say that each of them represented an emotion: fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy; the types of emotion that are stored deep in our primitive brain. 

Internally I rushed to the conclusion, loyal to my somewhat repressed upbringing, that the first three boys needed to be kept in the basement. But ecstasy? Was Bjork going to suggest that ecstasy stay imprisoned in the basement?

I KNEW that I had to find out more from Dr. Bjork about the Boys in the Basement.  There wasn't an opportunity to speak to him after his presentation was over because another presentation started immediately. My only option was to begin stalking Dr. Bjork in Bangkok. The group size allowed me to keep an eye on him when we were site seeing, but asking him questions about ecstasy in the presence of a 120 foot reclining golden Buddha with 10 foot feet inlaid with mother-of-pearl didn't seem appropriate. (Google Wat Pho to see a picture of this extraordinary Buddha.)

Similar to the feelings that surfaced at home indicating that everything would work out, I felt confidant that there would be an opportunity to question him; now his name was Randy.

And I was right! Flying from Bangkok to Hong Kong, my airline seat was directly behind Randy's!

I poked him. He turned around. We had eye contact. Flattery comes natural to me so I said, "Randy that was a good presentation," and then, with no further ado, I asked him to explain ecstasy. His answer made color rise in my cheeks and I'm eager to share his answer with you but first:

Dear reader, I want to ask you what do you think about ecstasy? What  examples of ecstasy have you experienced? Which Boys, if any, do you think should stay in the Basement? Let me/us know what you think!

Tune in next week for Randy's answer and to get further aquainted with the Boys in the Basement.

Thanks for returning to continue exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall