Friday, May 3, 2013
The Boys Aren't Alone in the Basement Anymore! - #66
Digging deeply, probing mercilessly, the last several weeks we here at exploring the mystery have been up to our elbows in limbic systems.
What did we discover?
Boys in the Basement!
These boys represent fear, anger, despair, and ecstasy.
Last week one of my readers, a woman I respect for her wisdom, reluctantly confessed that the metaphor of boys in the basement was off-putting to her.
Honesty like that needs to be rewarded. Since the basement (limbic system) has lots of room, I want to introduce you to:
The Girls Glee Club.
I guarantee you the Girls know as much about fear, anger, despair and ecstasy as the Boys!
Don't waste your breath trying to persuade the Girls that their fears are unwarranted. These primitive fears are very real to them; they know the origins long before you are conscious of them.
The Girls have been helping piece together my story. Here it is:
In 1920, Carrie (my paternal grandmother) was married to Carl (my paternal grandfather). Carrie was newly pregnant (with my father) when her brother John invited the couple to attend a Memorial Day Celebration.
During the twenty-one gun salute, when the rifles were raised, a drunken Veteran mistakenly shot his rifle into the barrel of another rifle. Metal fragments flew into the crowd (reminds me of the horror of the bombing at the Boston Marathon). My grandmother's arm was pierced with a piece of metal. My grandfather lost an eye.
My Great Uncle John never forgave himself.
This story helps me understand my fears.
Every once in awhile I freak out about driving. Grandma didn't like to drive. Mom didn't like to drive.
My latest uprising of fear is about driving anywhere I may get lost. I partly blame my fear of driving to damage of my left eye's optic nerve which results in a picture of the world as distorted, blurry, black and white instead of clear sparkling color. The damaged nerve also messes with my depth perception so my eyes tell me what is printed on the rear view mirror: objects are closer than they appear.
Or maybe I am a fearful, anxious person who is afraid of the unknown and who is letting fear hamper my freedom.
I'm trying to approach the fear in different ways than I used to. Instead of berating myself and stuffing fear, I tell everyone that I don't like to drive out of town and see how that feels. I make an appointment for an eye exam to see if my vision really has changed since last year. I write to you about my most embarrassing fears. I talk to my Girls.
Do you have fears? Of what? How do you manage them? Please let me know in the comments section or by emailing me.
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
8 comments:
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Hi, Nicky, I have been thinking about the Boys and find that anger resonates with me so far. It doesn't come up often, so maybe that is why I am surprised and exhilarated when it pops up. My reaction to anger is usually a defensive pushback, but it is also a little adrenalin rush. There are better ways to get a rush; so thanks to you, I can get my "Girls" involved in helping me to take a breath and count to ten when that naughty, anger appears.
ReplyDeleteThank you fluteyogi for your comments. I'm glad that the Boys - and now the Girls - help you connect and work with emotions/feelings of anger.
ReplyDeleteJust a word about anger since I'm curious why you named anger naughty. I've learned that it takes considerable amounts of psychic energy to avoid anger; your pushback responses may give you more energy to deal with life if you follow them through to completion whatever that may be - just a thought.
Keep looking after those Boys and Girls - they will help you know what to do!
Nicky
Nicky,
ReplyDeleteYour metaphors of Boys in the Basement and the Girls Glee Club make it so much easier, and even with a touch of whimsey, to face the fears and own the emotions. Thank you.
Fears of being lost, of falling from heights, of going to the dentist, and many others do seem to be related to similar fears that a parent or grandparent held, don't they? The same is true for many triggers of anger, despair, "over joy" and more…
The study of epigenetics is beginning to uncover some interesting information about what we inherit beyond the actual genetic material….
Wikipedia says,
"epigenetics is the study of changes in gene expression or cellular phenotype, caused by mechanisms other than changes in the underlying DNA sequence – hence the name epi- (Greek: επί- over, above, outer) -genetics, some of which are heritable."
In plainer language, it seems that we can inherit some molecular structures attached to our genes which influence how our genes behave -- and how we feel and behave. Some of these appear to transmit beliefs, fears, anger, and more.
In other words the limbic Boys and Girls could be epigenetically passed from generation to generation. And, the good news is that epigenetic transmissions from our ancestors appear to be much more amenable to conscious and environmental modification than the genetic ones. :-) Maybe I can leave behind the fear of heights that my mother had. Maybe your body can repair the damage to the optic nerve, which could be the foundation for further healing of all sorts… Maybe my fear of a dentist has epigenetic roots that I can clear from my mind/body and release from The Basement!
Thanks for sharing the Boys and Girls!
Ruth
Thanks for your thoughts Ruth. Dr. Bjork recommended I look up Jean-Baptiste Lamarck regarding epigenetics so passing that on to you in case you would be interested - you may already know about him.
DeleteI really appreciated your "plainer language" sentence! We are exploring mystery aren't we?
Nicky
I always liked living on the coast because I felt like I couldn't get lost. You could always head west, find PCH and know how to get home. Now we rely on GPS to keep the anxiety and fear at bay. As a little kid I had the worst fear of getting separated from Mom and Dad. I remember getting physically sick in order to avoid situations where I felt this might happen. Talk about the boys in the basement. Where did they come from?
ReplyDeleteSent from my iPhone
Thanks Nolan! I'll call you to find out what kind of GPS you have - that idea is sounding better and better to me!
DeleteNicky
I was very interested in your blogpost from this morning. I appreciated the introduction of The Girls Glee Club, and it definitely helped me get in touch with what's lurking in my own basement!
ReplyDeleteI also have fears around driving - the main one is, I don't like riding with other people. The only person I will let drive me somewhere is my husband - because he knows and understands my fear, and therefore drives accordingly.
I can think of a few instances in my life that are the likely sources of this fear, and it has certainly been something I am very reluctant to admit to anyone…so I live a life of avoidance unless I or my husband can drive me somewhere. I really appreciated what you had to say about approaching your fear in different ways than you used to. I am now imagining what that might look like for me.
Thanks again, Nicky - you've made my day.
Stacy
Stacy - I really appreciate your vulnerability. It helps me feel less alone.
DeleteKeep me posted on how you approach your fear in different ways.
Nicky