The Beauty Of Being Uncomfortable - #42

My first trip to India was in 1994. I wondered why the tour leaders were slightly apologetic when they told me who my roommate was. Her name sounded innocent enough: Mona. It wasn't long before I discovered the reason for their hesitation.

Mona was a talker.  

I wanted quiet because in India I often found myself in a state of overarousal. The noise, colors, and crowds pressed in on me. India didn't seem to bother Mona. 

Mona knew how to shop. While I was determined not to make the trip about shopping, my greed grew stronger each time she brought her treasures to our room.  

One day, Mona returned from a shopping expedition and displayed the most beautiful silver ring. It was like nothing you could find in the States. There was an exotic Buddhist symbol signifying long life and happiness. It was unique. It was beautiful.  It fit me. It should have been mine. I felt out of control with desire. I wanted it!

The next day was my 49th birthday. At the party, most everyone gave me a gift. Mona gave me the ring. I was gobsmacked! Her generosity was beyond my comprehension. I didn't even like her and she gifted me with something she knew I desperately wanted. 

I have worn it  every day, barring three days it was being overhauled at the jewelers. That's 24 years of daily wear.

This ring is part of my past - something behind me. But it is also here with me in the present. The ring reminds me of what I've been learning recently: good things come from uncomfortable circumstances. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Clue for week: Pay attention to the next time you are uncomfortable and see if staying with it for a few minutes yields something positive. Or, option two, be more generous than you would usually be. For example tip twice as much as you would usually tip. Let me know the results of being uncomfortable and extra generous. You can do one or both for extra credit!

Image: Those of you who were around in 2014, may remember this photo from the Water exhibit by Burtynsky. Used by permission.




 

Honor Your Feelings - #41

The novel, The Nightingale*, was on my hold list at the Urbandale Library for several months. My name finally came up yesterday. When I opened to chapter one, page one, here's what I found:

"It is unnerving, this new unreliability in my vision. Perhaps that's why I find myself looking backward. The past has a clarity I can no longer see in the present."

Since I have cataracts in both eyes and optic neuropathy in my left eye and keep writing about what is behind me, I was astonished to read this. The story begins in 1995 when the woman is eighty. I was excited to read about someone older than me.

But Chapter 2 shifts back to 1939.

I was mad because I didn't want to know what happened in the past. I wanted to know what happened to her at eighty! Why did she climb the rickety stairs to her attic and how did she handle her doctor son who tried to boss her around? 

I decided to skip to the last chapter.

Chapter 39, finds the 80 year old main character facing her fears and traveling to Paris with her son but not letting him boss her around. She reconnects with people from her past and her son is impressed and all her secrets are revealed. She is a heroine. She finds herself.  

I cried. I'm not kidding you, I sort of sobbed - not a big sob but a short sob.

I was feeling down before I got to Chapter 39 because a group I'm in is ending next week and I will miss the connections. I figured that was probably bothering me but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to sit with the feelings. I just wanted to feel differently. 

The release of tears made me feel better. Why can't I remember to pay attention to my feelings and really feel them? Feelings are in back of my mind and I am going to learn to pay attention to them!

CLUE: Pick a feeling that is in back of your mind and really feel it. See how it shifts and changes. Be thankful that you can feel feelings. They are what makes us human. Cherish at least one feeling this week! Please tell me which one you choose. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*The Nightingale: A Novel by Kristin Hannah, 2015.

Gently Appreciating Our Support - #40

Many of you let me know, when I see you in person, that you have read and enjoyed this blog. I can't tell you how delightful it feels to hear that. Sometimes it terrifies me to know someone is actually reading what I write. My new calling as a writer generates various feelings and is very challenging!

In light of our exploration of the premise that what is behind or in back of us is as important as what is in front, it occurs to me that more awareness of you behind me would be healthy to cultivate. You are out there even when I don't hear from you.  

When one of you does hit reply or is savvy enough to figure out how the comment section works, I will celebrate. Comments will be frosting on the cake! And that's no small thing as it brings back fond memories. As a girl, when my mother decorated cakes, she would squirt frosting from the decorating tube directly into our mouths as a treat!

CLUE for the week: Take a moment to determine what is behind you that you can use as support. It could be an inanimate object like a comfortable chair. Or you may recall a person that you feel connected to even though the contact with them is not frequent. Whatever you choose, place a feeling of gratitude and gentleness around it. Celebrate what is behind you!

Please let me know what supports you - back of front!

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

Image is of clouds. I love watching clouds and receiving images.



 

Can You Trust What Is In Back of You? - #39

What have we learned from studying what is in back of us? 

That we need someone to be behind us and that coaches often fill this role. A crucial part of a relationship of this type is trust.

This week, I want to explain how my osteopath, who practices osteopathic manual medicine, is behind me both in literal and nonliteral ways. 

There are often students following him when he sees me for treatment. I can sense that he is a trusted mentor for them. After my surgery, he told me that one of the students was responsible for my diagnosis; the student remembered the mnemonic for Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus.  

As their teacher, he listened to students. He also gave the student credit. Careful listening is part of building trust.

The Dr. listens to me when I tell him what feels out of alignment in my body.  

Osteopathic Manual Medicine is a hands-on treatment.This means  the Doctor needs to touch the patient and be in close proximity to their body. He asks me everytime he touches me, "Is it okay if I touch your ischial tuberosity?"*  

After several years of being treated by him, I feel very safe and sometimes it feels annoying when he asks permission every time he touches me. However, when I read about coaches who have taken advantage of athletes or doctors who have engaged in inappropriate touching with patients, I realize how important it is that he keeps asking. It is part of what makes me know I can trust him.

Looking someone in the eyes is said to be a way we can know if we can trust them. When we are talking about someone being behind us, we have to use other ways of knowing.  

Do you feel your Doctor is behind you? If so, how? If not, why not? Is it easy for you to trust someone who is behind you, someone who has your back? Why or why not? I'd love to hear of your experiences. Please reply to this email or to to comments.

Your clue for this week: Tell yourself that you can trust yourself to do what you say you are going to do. Then do it. Small things matter. Let me know what you encounter!

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

* He actually says Sitz bones but when I Googled sitz bones, thia is what I learned and I decided to share it with you.

The image is of a fabulous spiderweb that my husband found a year of so ago. Look closely and you can see how wonderfully made it is!

What Type of Coach Do You Need?- #38

 Perhaps one reason I resonate with the idea that what is in back of us is as important as what is in front of us is because of my vision. Cataracts in both eyes mean I don't see the little blue flowers my partner points out when we are on a nature walk. Optic neuropathy in my left eye means impaired depth perception.  

But I do have a strong sense of what or who is behind me.  

Janene Armstrong*, my personal wellness coach, is behind me. She assumed a nurturing supportive approach when we started working together nine months ago. After a few months she began being tougher on me. When I didn't think I could do one more plank she urged, "Try it one more time!"

In the last month the two of us have discussed fitness issues in a more collegial way. She is still nurturing and supportive and she still pushes me but now we discuss ways we might work together.

A coach who is behind you knows when to nurture, when to make you toe-the-line, and when to move the relationship to a collegial one. Some coaches specialize in nurturing and some in pushing you to do your best. It's possible to have a good coach who just isn't giving you what you need at the time.

Now there are book coaches who help you write a book. My plan is to hire one in the near future. My needs will be for someone to nurture me (because self-doubt is sometimes my roommate) and for someone to keep me accountable (because having deadlines helps).

Coaches have your back. Coaches are behind you. 

Clue for the week that you probably didn't expect: Try to be your own coach. Keep in mind it is just for this week. Decide what you need. Nurture or push yourself or make time for a conversation with a good friend. However, if you are ready, hire someone to help you. 

Let me know what type of coach you need and if you are able to find it. Or tell me how you are your own coach. Are you still thinking about what is in back of you? Tell me if you are!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Jenene is a certified health coach and women’s fitness specialist who serves women over 45 who are ready to take charge of their health and lifestyle again. She helps women to get active, ditch the diet mentality, learn to eat real, nutritious foods that give them the energy they need, eliminate sugar addiction, lose weight, change habits for good.....and feel fabulous again!

*Here’s Jenene's website link:  www.healthfitcoach.net