Who Is In Your Head? - #149

Pico Iyer is in my head. He snuck in a word at a time. His articles, published by Tricycle, The New York Times, and an occasional airline magazine, support my exploration of mysteries.  

Pico, a lifelong traveler, has the ability to plumb the depths of human nature. (Notice, if you will, how we are on a first name basis.)

The Man Within My Head,* Pico's book describing Graham Greene's foothold in his head, was the rare book I wasn't interested in buying. Unfamiliar and uninterested in Greene's work, I would skip this one.

Promotional material and book reviews tried to convince me otherwise. Both hinted it was essential this book make it into my Amazon cart. 1-click option activated and instant gratification wins again.

The reviews were right - the book is engaging. Here's one of my favorite sentences: "Was it only through another that I could begin to get at myself?"

This made me ask: Is it only through Pico that I can begin to learn about myself? 

I haven't met Pico FTF. Pico didn't meet Graham Greene FTF. Nevertheless, both relationships, mine with Pico and Pico with Graham, were instrumental in the process of our individual self definition.

Who is in your head? How did they get there? Would you be different without them? Who helps you be you? Is there anyone in your head  you wish wasn't? Please let me know in an email or comment in comments section. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery headspace - Nicky Mendenhall

In honor of Pico's travels, the picture above is from my trip to Greece in the early part of the twenty-first century.

Midweek: Good News About Aging

"I seem to be waking to a larger world of wonderment – to catch little glimpses of the immensity and diversity of creation. More than at any other time of my life, I seem to be aware of the beauties of our spinning planet and the sky above. Old age is sharpening my awareness." * ~ Ram Dass, Being With What Is* I wish I would have written the above paragraph; maybe I'm not quite old enough yet. Each year I feel more and more aware of life!  Ram Das will be 84 on April 6, 2015. In 1971, his seminal book, Be Here Now, was published. I remember having a copy years ago but now I can't locate it. Today everyone writes about being in the moment! As you get older, do you appreciate the immensity and diversity of life? I do. Do you appreciate the beauty of the present moment? I do. Let me know how you cope with aging - no matter what your age. Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall Ram Das quote found here: kimmanleyort.com  .

Tis the Weekend for Breathing & Resting - #148

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day
is the rest we take between two deep breaths."*


This quote from First Sip appeared in my phone email box at just the right moment this afternoon. I was out running errands. My winter coat popped a button. My new haircut didn't produce the look I wanted. The low fuel symbol on my dash began to flash. 

In the midst of those happenings, which I took in stride better than usual, I tried to formulate a post idea in my mind for completing this evening.

Opening up First Sip made me pause as I read about breathing and resting. It soothed my nerves. Then when I didn't devolve into the disaster place I have in the past, I felt pleasure arising.  

How do you handle a series of disappointments? 

My wish for readers of exploring the mystery is for a weekend of breathing and resting. Thanks for reading. Nicky Mendenhall

The photo above is of the sky one evening when I was leaving my office. Looks like snow doesn't it?

*Etty Hillesum

MidWeek - Time To Get Thrown Out of the Nest

The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy.

From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.

To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that's life.

Wise words by Pema Chodron found on First Sip, February 17, 2015.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Love According To Angel - #147

Angel Kyodo Williams believes the best way to find love is to create space. In her view, love is spaciousness itself.  

I "met" Angel Kyodo Williams* when she presented a live Daily Dharma Talk,* February 12, 2015. To learn more about Kyodo, an African American Zen Priest, Google her name. When I did this, I found and listened to parts of an interview sponsored by the Global Oneness Project. 

I remember clients who have been puzzled by their partner's request for space. They ask, "What do they mean by space? What do they want?" Kyodo's possible answer: Space and Love are the same. 

She might suggest to the person who was asked for more space to say to the person making the request: "I want to let you be as you are rather than trying to control you." 

As I listened to Kyodo speak about functional love beginning in space, it occurred to me that Valentine's Day is the Western World's attempt to create space for love.

Exploring the mystery wishes you a spacious Valentine's Day. If you experience any discomfort, remember that you always have the tool of breathing space around the discomfort. Your breath will create the space for the discomfort to ease. Fighting the discomfort will likely make you more miserable and increase your suffering. Accept the discomfort and make space for love.

Thanks for exploring the mystery of love - Nicky Mendenhall

*To learn more about this inspiring African American Zen Priest, Google her name. There are multiple options to choose from. I listened to parts of a complete interview of Kyodo by the Global Oneness Project.

Photo: Received at my massage therapist's office.

MidWeek Wisdom: Wait Till Top of Hill

I experienced a miniscule stab of chagrin (I almost didn't pay attention to it but I'm tracking feelings these days) when this comment from Karen arrived in my inbox:   

"While I am not denying that some decisions need to be made immediately, my many years experience tells me most do not.  I think people rush to decisions less out of necessity than being uncomfortable with uncertainty for a period."

How did she know that? 

I sort of knew that.

The way she put it made it so clear.  

So if I remember that what I'm rushing away from is uncertainty, I will be more likely to slow down. Somehow naming uncertainty as uncertainty takes some of the mystery out why it's such a temptation to rush ahead. I will be able to explore the mystery of uncertainty and not rush into making foolhardy decisions.  

Thank you Karen for helping me explore the mystery of my rushing and for being willing to be published.

Let me know how you manage uncertainty!

Thank you readers for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Intersections To Be Aware Of - #146

Why am I so passionate about recognizing and possibly eradicating black and white thinking? 

I would like to propose that black or white, either/or responses occur when we are happily  motoring along  and suddenly encounter an unexpected T intersection.  

Suddenly, a question is thrust in front of us. A decision has to be made.

Knee-jerk reactions are by definition automatic and unthinking.

We depend on our conditioning to answer lightening fast questions. Can you trust your conditioning? Do you know how your conditioning is likely to respond?

For me, my conditioning is likely to want me to rush which means my response is not well-thought out.

How do you handle T intersections?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Mid Week: More About Black & White

As soon as we admit that there are no right answers, that we must be ready to live with contradiction, we are forced instead to listen to one another, to admit our need to learn, to recognize our need to receive.*

The above Esther de Waal quote gives us clues for moving from a black and white perspective.   

The comment section of exploring the mystery (click on italicized words & then scroll) features a quote by Anonymous that shows how one woman courageously faced her history with black and white thinking. 

Let me know in comment section or by replying to this email what your relationship with black and white thinking has been and what you would like it to be. 

*From Companioning the Dying, January 30, 2015.

Image: Day after 10" snowstorm!