Emptiness - Full of Agony or Pregnant with Allure? - # 45

Special Note To Readers: There is one unfamiliar-to-me word (besides the "E" word) in today's post that I wish to add to my vocabulary. Kudos to first reader who identifies it in the Comments section and uses it in a sentence.

As time passes and my awareness level increases, I face a paradox: the more emptiness I allow myself to experience, the fuller my life becomes.

Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel* suggests that the "E" word is a "packed" word; a word that takes considerable effort to understand. 

So it is with temerity that we approach the "E" word. 

Let's begin by asking what happens when our internal structures, the rules and ideas that have guided us for most of our lives, no longer make sense to us.

For me, the belief that there was a right way and a right answer has been a mainstay in my life. As this way of thinking about and being in the world begins to unravel, I face a vast open space.

This type of emptiness, experienced when the old becomes no longer feasible and the new is not yet established, can be a dark place full of confusion and anxiety.

This is because in emptiness, we come face to face with unwanted feelings and emotions. Many of us keep ourselves frantically busy so we don't have to deal with these emotions. I can tell when I'm not wanting to deal with something by the importance I place on attaining perfection in any task that is before me.

We  often fail to realize that working with fears and insecurities, instead of ignoring them, is the way we move from one developmental stage to another.   

"Emptiness signifies possibility," Elizabeth writes. It is likely one possibility for us will be increased authenticity. 

Emptiness gives room for new things to arise.

Slowing down and finding space (emptiness) is not for the faint of heart.  

This week, pay attention. Don't fill up the empty places too fast. Wander around in them and see what you can learn. Let me know what you discover.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

*Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel, The Power of an Open Question, 2011, pp. 43-44.

Bonus Bonus Post

Dear exploring the mystery fans,

One of my favorite people just let me know he was having trouble finding the comments section. This is not at all a puerile issue (as he feared). Locating the comments section isn't as straightforward as I have been making it sound.

The secret to accessing the comments section: go to the blog. You can't locate comments from the email itself.

Here's how to get to the blog:

Scroll to the bottom of any email you receive from exploring the mystery. 

On the bottom of this email you will see a phrase: You are subscribed to email updates from exploring the mystery


Clicking on the underlined section will take you directly to the blog!

When you arrive at the blog - you will see color!  Scroll down to where it says comments. Sometimes it will say No comments. Click on either one and like magic (there I go being puerile) a box will pop up where you can write your comment. You can preview if you like.

Push Publish when you are finished. You won't see it instantly as this is a moderated blog which means it is emailed to me for approval before it goes live on the blog.

The learning curve for technology is steep but it is part of exploring the mystery!  I'm eager  to read your contribution to the puerile discussion. While you are there, you can enjoy other people's comments.

Have fun!

Nicky Mendenhall

 

Bonus Post - Puerile

To exploring the mystery devotees, the word in post 44 that begs and whines and pesters to be acknowledged and used................. 
 
                                                    Puerile

1. of or pertaining to a child or to childhood

2. childishly foolish; immature or trivial: a puerile piece of writing.

Would you please take a moment to craft a sentence using puerile  and post it in the comments section?  I want this word to sink in and be available to me.

Thanks for your help!

And Now For Something Completely Different - #44

Were you surprised at the word egregious in last week's post title?

Your author was.

Reading Naifeh and Smith's biography of Van Gogh has me gob smacked at their extensive vocabulary. 

If you agree that a new word in your arsenal is concomitant to  money in the bank, you will be delighted at exploring the mystery's  new feature:

Each post will include a word that is new to me or a word that is familiar but one I've never made my own. If you read the entire post and don't find a new word, or a word you want to know more about, consider providing a word in the comments section for me to use in the future. 

On the other hand, if you don't feel a need to increase your stable of words, you have permission to skip over words you don't recognize - likely you won't miss much.

If, however, you exult when you spot an unfamiliar word, write it on a napkin. Stuff it in your pocket. Pull it out when your memory fails you. Say it every chance you can during the week. (Special note: If it's a paper napkin, remove from pocket before placing in the dirty clothes basket.)

This week I've been proclaiming to anyone who will listen: "The political commercials are egregious."

If you felt too puerile to look egregious up last week, let me assist you: egregious is an adjective that means (according to my amazonkindle dictionary):  Outstandingly bad; shocking.

Have a boisterous celebration of your vocabulary this week.

As always, thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
 
 

Is Egregious Envy A Change Agent? - #43

Jacob had a self-defeating neurosis.*

Jacob was full of envy for his twin brother Esau.

Feelings of hostility towards others is a characteristic sign of envy. Hostility for others is accompanied by feelings of dissatisfaction with oneself and critical feelings for one's own accomplishments.   

Last week's unsolicited phrase,"Jacob wrestling," is finally coming to fruition. Clinical psychologist Michael Abramsky proposes that when Jacob wrestled and wouldn't let go until he obtained a blessing, his transformation had begun. 

I have envied poets. I have envied people who can see past the mundane. I have been critical of myself for rushing past non-literal language.

Beginning to embrace poetry and metaphor, my internal landscape becomes saturated with peaceful unknowing. My bossy pants stay in the drawer more often.

This new place is richer and deeper. Ironically, self-trust is one of the necessary but difficult components. Friends who are a bit further down the path and who generously offer to guide the way, another. Quiet time, essential.

What type of transformation are you undergoing as 2012 comes to a close? Who or what are you wrestling?

Be sure to let me know in the comments section that you will find on the blog - click the link at the end of this email.

As always, thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*I am indebted to Michael Abramsky for his study of Jacob that influenced the ideas presented in this blog post. "Jacob Wrestles the Angel: A Study in Psychoanalytic Midrash," by Michael Abramsky. Published by International Journal of Transpersonal Studies, 29(1), 2010, pp. 106-117.

 

Can You Wrestle Your Way to Health? - #42

Stop. Take a breath. Get ready to tackle the final sentences of Bob Klein's* "qualities of water" message.

Can you translate (find meaning) in his words: 

"Allow your inbreath to be like water evaporating from the surface of the lake and expanding upwards moistening the air.

"Allow your outbreath be like water sinking into the deepest earth moistening the ground.

"Then creativity and health can flourish."

I yearn to understand metaphorical/poetic language; I am loath to stray from literal mind.  

So imagine my astonishment when this thought appeared in my mind: Jacob wrestled.

Details were elusive. Who did Jacob wrestle? What were the results? Why did this story fragment show up now?

Being a twenty-first century woman, I queried Google. My eye lit on a new word: Midrash.

The Hebrew verbal root of Midrash is to investigate or explore. Since we are exploring mystery, I thought it prudent to investigate further.

Midrash, as described by Michael Abramsky,** is a genre of Biblical scholarship used to interpret the Bible in symbolic and inspirational terms.

What an amazing synchronicity! Is this what happens when we tune into our awareness? When we pay attention?

Your assignment for the week: when you are struggling to make sense of something or someone, pay attention to stray thoughts. Especially ones that seem "weird" to you. Follow up on them.  Believe me - when Jacob's story popped into my mind, it seemed very weird to me.

Be sure to go to the blog and write in the comments section.

Next week - find out what happened to Jacob. What and how can we learn from his transformation. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**"Jacob Wrestles the Angel: A Study in Psychoanalytic Midrash, by Michael Abramsky. Published by International Journal of Transpersonal Studies, 29(1), 2010, pp. 106-117.

 

How, When, and Where Do You Move? - #42

In previous posts, we have been advised to let ice thaw and water flow; melting and flowing suggest the importance of  movement in our lives. Last week we  pondered these images, offered by Bob Klein,* and celebrated when our protective armour softened and our bossy pants disintegrated.

Today, Bob describes a different style of movement: "the seedling breaks through concrete to reach the sun."  While the previous type of movement helped us release worn out patterns, now the movement propels us toward life in all its fullness.

My body connects to music. Yesterday while driving home, I punched the preset dial for Outlaw Country. Instantly there was  rhythm that resonated. The song was Snake Farm** and I couldn't sit still. Downloading the MP3 when I arrived home seemed essential. Now I am guaranteed five minutes of pure pleasure whenever I cue it up - all for only 99 cents. I double dare you to crank it up and not move! (This is not a song you buy for the profound lyrics.)

I met with a truly courageous client who recently was hospitalized for pulmonary embolism.  She's home now working on the delicate balance of moving enough and not moving too much.

I've been connecting with an inner sense of movement that provides a sense of ease for me. It has been amazing and in some respects, life changing. Finding my own personal movement means that it is always available to me as a grounding tool. This is courtesy of Kathy Kyar*** and the Trager method. Kathy explains:
 

The Trager Approach is offered through pleasurable, effortless movement to softly show the body and mind what is possible.  

I find that this movement re-education moves through my body/mind and into effortlessness in all places in my life.

When present to myself and others, I am ease.

Keep moving and let me know what you find when you pay attention to the movement in life.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**Snake Farm [MP3 Download],From the album What The Hell Is Goin' On, By: Paul Thorn. Sold By: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.

***More from Kathy Kyar:

I have been a massage therapist for over 20 years.  In 2009, I embarked on the path of becoming a Certified Trager® Practitioner.  My path to certification was about two years long and along the path I began to learn a way to be truly present to clients while releasing my need to fix things. 

More information is available by contacting me (Kathy Kyar) at 515-201-7161 and from theTrager website at   www.tragerus.org .

 

 

CAN YOU FIND FANTASTIC COMMENTS?

There are new comments on exploring the mystery Post #41 that are worthy of your attention.Go to the blog: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com  (you can click on this underlined address to be transferred to the blog). Click on the phrase, "2 new comments" (which is at the bottom of Post # 41). When you click, you will be directed to another screen where, for some mysterious reason, you will have to scroll up to read two new comments. Let me know if you have difficulties. It would be great if you would leave a comment too.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me -

                                      Nicky  Mendenhall

What Happens When You Thaw Out? - # 41

Admittedly I have been tantalized, touched, and transfixed by Bob Klein's* words. Pursuing this further, I am beginning to be transformed by them.

Listen in your mind, or better yet read aloud the next three sentences from Bob's email. Is there a message in these words for you? 

"Allow the ice to thaw and the water to flow. Let it steep into the hardest stone and the driest earth so that life can begin to grow. Water softens the hardest seed, allowing it to grow." 

True to my habit of speed-reading suggestions like these, I skimmed them, felt my normal what-does-this-mean impatience, and determined there was nothing of immediate benefit for me. 

Nevertheless, I forced myself to hang out with these words unconsciously for forty-eight hours. Then bribing myself with chocolate, I decided to  ponder them in a more conscious state for a full fifteen minutes. 

Here's the fruit of my exploration: 

When I ponder these words as a unit, my body responds. I sense a type of internal movement, almost as if I can sense blood pulsing through my veins and hear the drum of my heart. (Don't be literal here!) 

Next, I eye the instruction to allow ice to thaw. Creating a soft focus internally invites the beginning of a melting sensation that is both visual and physical.  This sense of melting is real in the way that a metaphor is real. (Go ahead - Try it!)

In sharp contrast to my usual demeanor as a controlling need-to-know-what-the-plan is oldest daughter, this easing sensation pleasantly surprised me. To say it is difficult for me to soften and let go would be an understatement. I'm supposed to be in charge. I like to be in charge. (What's your usual demeanor?)

I'm aware that softening and letting go would transform me. I could be a much nicer person. I want to trust that not knowing what the plan is and not being in control is a viable stance. (What would make you a nicer person?)

When I discern that changes in my behavior are needed from a finely crafted metaphor, it is a humbling experience. On the other hand, I don't feel the embarrassment and shame that comes from being admonished to take off my bossy pants. 

Reading these words in silence, or out loud, allows me to soften. To begin the letting go process. To breathe deeper. To pay attention.

What helps you breathe deeper? Which patterns, objects, relationships do you want to let go of?

Tune in next week - there's still one more sentence in Bob's message to explore!

Please go to the blog www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com and leave comments.

As always, thanks for exploring the mystery.  Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

 

Mental Discipline For What? - #40

"A calm lake reflects the moon clearly."*

When I read this sentence, extracted from a paragraph written by Bob Klein,* an image easily appears in my mind.  

Did an image pop up in your mind?  Savor it.

While I yearn to appreciate and understand poetry and metaphorical language, I often struggle.  The next three sentences, taken from the same paragraph, tantalize, touch, and transfix me.
 
"You can also see to the bottom of the lake. In this way it reveals the worlds around you and within you and connects them. When consciousness flows like water it is powerful because all is connected within it."

I often rush through words like these, disappointed that meaning isn't instantly apparent to me. 

Tim Parks,** in his memoir Teach Us To Sit Still, writes there is no guidebook to explain meaning.  He discovers one way to find meaning is to create a special type of silence; silence Parks calls an "eye-closed" silence.  The type of silence where "mind meets flesh." 

Both meditation (eye-closed silence) and contemplation teach us to open into the silence for solutions rather than shut down or rehash ad nauseam our old dysfunctional patterns. 

Meditation and contemplation teach us  to explore and not solve. 

Meditation and contemplation teach us that continuing to rely on our intellect or on dictionaries to define these words won't lead us to the meaning we crave.

No matter how hard we try, we can't force the open receptive space to appear. Relaxation and understanding happen when we allow them to happen.  

It shocked Parks that without mental discipline he was unable to relax enough to ease his bodily pain.  Almost more shocking to him, as an author, was that the type of mental discipline he needed had virtually nothing to do with words. 

Next week, we will continue to ponder other ways of knowing. What other ways, besides your intellect, do you have of knowing? Please go to the blog www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com and leave a comment.

As always, thanks for exploring the mystery. Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**Used with written permission from Tim Parks who resides in Italy. Teach Us How To Sit Still, a book Tim says he never thought he would write - is a book about his body. "How indiscreet," he remarks in the forward. The New York Times Book Review says, "Parks is an aware, droll and intelligent guide to both his woe and to his salvation from it....vulnerable, winning, oddball and maniacal."
 

Water Is Like, Consciousness - #39

Clutching a Fiji water bottle, I enter Kauffman Park Shelter House. The occasion?  The fiftieth anniversary celebration of West Marshall Community School District. 

Before this hotly contested consolidation of six schools, my class consisted of five boys and two girls. Being an anxious and somewhat dehydrated seventeen-year-old-senior, knowing I had to memorize the names and remember the faces of sixty-seven new classmates made me sweat.

Fast forward fifty years: I mingle with the crowd, still perspiring, (this time because it's a very warm evening), while nursing my water bottle. I squint at name tags. I valiantly try to make my voice heard above the dull roar. I try to remember.

When I decide instead to simply keep moving physically when it feels good, to keep my body language open, to sit down when I'm tired, to eat when I'm hungry, the connections with others seem to happen more easily. My attention moves from trying to remember to being fully present in my body and fully present with the person in front of me.  Some of my neural connections begin wiring and firing, the process brain research says retrieves memories, which enhances my experience.

Bob Klein* wrote a thought provoking message, that I received after the reunion, in response to last week's post: 

Water is like consciousness. For most people consciousness (attention) is in the form of ice, cold and unmoving. When it thaws, it can flow. When it flows, it can connect. When it connects, it can dissolve and merge things together.

More from Bob's message next week. Is your attention cold and unmoving or flowing? What do you want to connect with? Do you drink enough water? (I usually don't!)

Be sure and go to the blog www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com and comment and see what others are saying.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

Best to Be Like Water - #38

Leaves swirl to the ground vacating their summer home in the trees: Nature demonstrates the letting go process. 

Letting go on the material level: Clean out a closet or drawer.

Letting go of psychological baggage: Express a feeling.

Letting go of prejudice: Interact with people who are different from you

Taoists instruct ordinary men and women to survive by crouching low and keeping out of the line of fire. Bob Klein,* the first Taoist I've known, responded to my request for more information on Taoism by recommending several books and the animation by Peter Beaggle, "The Last Unicorn."

The Tao Te Ching (pronounced "Dow Duh Jing"**) was first on his list. It is an ancient Chinese text that is said to have evolved from the school known as Taoism that dates from the first to third centuries C.E., however recently two older versions were discovered that date the first century B.C.E.** 

Composed in two parts and eighty-one numbered short sections, it has traditionally been attributed to a figure known as Lao-tzu.  One message from this ancient text is that to be in harmony with what is, we need to know when to let go of what isn't needed. 

Here's #8 for you to savor: 

Best to be like water,
Which benefits the ten thousand things
And does not contend.
It pools where humans disdain to dwell,
Close to the Tao.
    
     Live in a good place.
     Keep your mind deep.
     Treat others well.
     Stand by your word.
     Keep good order.
     Do the right thing.
     Work when it's time.

     Only do not contend,
And you will not go wrong.**

What happens when leaves fall into water? What do you need to let go of? In order for you to relax, do you need to crouch down or stand up straighter? Do you know how to stay out of the line of fire? What is the right thing for  you?

The comments box is operational if somewhat elusive! You need to click on this link: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com.
When you get to the blog, click on the word comments and be prepared to do some scrolling. Good luck - be sure to email me if you have any problems. It's fun/interesting seeing what others post - don't forget to check out comments from the last two weeks if you haven't already. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
 
*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**Tao Te Ching, attributed to Lao-Tzu(1993) translated by Stephen Addiss and Stanley Lombardo.
 

 

 

Attention Dividends -#37

I am strangely addicted to the frustration Bob Klein's* comments engender in me.

Bob, a Tai Chi Master and Taoist from Sound Beach, NY,  challenges me. Here's what he said about Post #36: 

Dear Nicky,

That sounds like a great experience. Can you have that Zen experience with the Zen priests in your garden? And see their smiles?

Bob

My mother was suspicious of fairy tales. My farm girl feet were grounded in rich black soil. Facts made up the bulk of our everyday language. Questions like Bob's elicited derision in our household and still have a place in my psyche: "No, I can't. I live in a town home, I don't have a garden."

Luckily this no-nonsense part of me is no longer all there is. Now there are other parts; parts that compare verses in three translations of the Tao Te Ching.** Granted, some of the old planted-in-facts parts still wrinkle up their noses when meaning isn't immediately apparent. 

When my intuition is allowed to morph into feelings, these parts can begin to express themselves with conviction: "Bob is pointing out my experience happened because I was paying attention, not because of the exotic location." 

Tuesday, while on my walk, my attention was captured by two pair of round deer eyes.  Both sets of brown eyes looked intently into my brown eyes. There was no blinking. There was only stillness.  Previous feelings of disappointment, in myself for not being fully present during a session with a very anxious client earlier that day, began to drain away.

Yesterday on my walk, my eyes were drawn to a particular tree. Did I see a Great Horned Owl perched there?  My eyes aren't the best so there was no way of knowing for sure. I stood there. Whatever it was blended into the tree bark. As if hearing my inquiry the creature opened its wings, swooped to the next tree, and in doing so, decisively identified as an owl.

Today my husband called my attention to a big lump on the front lawn - maybe a pile of leaves? As we silently inched closer, we observed movement. It was a Turkey Vulture! We watched it waddle around and as we stood watching, it opened its nearly six foot wings and swooped into the nearby trees. 

Paying attention in Nature provides many gifts.

Where are you paying attention? What are you seeing or hearing or smelling or touching that you would miss without the factor of paying attention being present? Does attention bring things to us? How important is the factor of attention in our lives? Please use the comment box to let me/us know of your findings.

If I continue to pay attention, tomorrow I may see smiling Zen Priests in my Zen Garden.

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**You will be hearing more about these translations in future posts.

Note: You have to visit the blog in order to use the comment box. Go to the blog -  just click on this link: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. You won't see your comment right away as this is a moderated blog which means blogspot sends all comments to me for approval.

You may have to scroll up or down to find it! Explore!

As always, thank you for being with me to explore the mystery.
- Nicky Mendenhall





    






 

 

Giving Birth to Comments - #36

This is the ninth month we've been exploring the mystery -the perfect time to begin using the comment feature offered by blogspot. Now you can send comments to me while at the same time sharing them with others - we will be creating a virtual community. 

My plan is to keep posts short so you can read quickly, have time to reflect, and post your comment whenever you are ready.  (If you haven't already, check the helpful comments for Post #35.)

When you are ready to comment, or read others comments, go to the blog: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com. There is no guarantee where you will land on the page - you may have to scroll up or down to find the word Comments.  Anytime you don't know what to do, scroll or click on or around the word Comments. Write in the box that will be provided.

Last week Bob* challenged me to experience a "jolt of thought."   

Visiting the Buddhist Relics,** during their tour stop in Des Moines, provided me an opportunity to be jolted. 

My friend's invitation was irresistible: "Come with me - the energy vibrations of the relics last night were palpable - you can't miss this!"

My previous attempts to feel "energies" has been very disappointing. Silently a pact was made with myself, go to this event and if you don't feel anything you can in good conscience never try again.

When we arrived there was a huge line - that was my first surprise. Second surprise was the ease experienced while standing in line for one and a half hours.

My belly relaxed, my breath flowed smoothly, and contrary to my usual feeling of overwhelm in huge crowds, there was instead a feeling of calmness as we slowly shuffled forward.

After circling the relics, there were stations where one could kneel down for a blessing. Mine was offered by a Zen priest who whispered indecipherable words as she lowered a stupa (ornate pedestal) down on my head.

There are few words to describe this third surprise. I experienced   a flow of energy between us that stunned me - you might say it was a jolt. At the time there didn't seem a need to label it and honestly. there still isn't. 

I stood up and maintained eye contact with the Zen priest as I backed away. We both grinned from ear to ear. Wandering across the room to sit on a chair, I continued to experience warmth in my body. The best way to describe my feelings at this point: connectedness to everything. 

This extraordinary experience was, for me, an example of what I heard Bob encouraging me to try - stay with the energy in the body. Do not try to analyze it but instead savor it; then see what  changes in your life. 

Have you ever had an experience like this? What changed as a result?

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - I truly appreciate your continuing presence. Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

**Google Buddhist Relics in Des Moines for detailed information
,
If you would like to make a comment on this post, read earlier posts in this series, subscribe to receive an email when there is a new post, or read this post on the blog, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com
 

 

The Jolt of Thought - #35

Monday night my interior landscape was tumultuous.

This confused and disorderly mental state was triggered by re-reading post #34.

What had appeared an elegant essay a few days before, now sounded like a mishmash of ideas. Each week there has been at least one email, usually two emails from people responding; the fun part is that each week different readers respond.  This particular week there weren't any emails - not even from Bob Klein! Maybe the post didn't make sense to anyone.

David Bayles and Ted Orland write in their book, Art & Fear* that virtually all artists encounter moments when quitting is contemplated. Writers even have a phrase for it -"the pen has run dry."  Bayles and Orland make a distinction between quitting and stopping with the former happening only once and the latter all the time. 

It was comforting to know that my discouragement wasn't unique. With a conviction to stop, not quit, I went to bed.

Twenty-four hours later this showed up in my inbox:

Dear Nicky,

I see that you are trying to relate what I wrote to anxiety and you are coming from a psychoanalytical perspective.  I admit I am a bit confused by this blog and so rather than commenting on it, I would suggest an exercise.  It is called the "jolt of thought".  When a thought is about to pop up inside your mind, choose not to figure out what it is and pay attention instead to the feeling of the thought entering you.  Don't say it to yourself in words.  Purposefully choose to not know what the thought is, even though you know that one has popped into you.  (Don't do this while driving).  I think this experience, if practiced on a steady basis, will explain a lot.

Sincerely,

Bob

 

What a gentle way for Bob Klein to give feedback; my conviction that he is a skillful teacher was affirmed.  As often happens when  one works with a master teacher, I wasn't certain what he meant or how to do what he suggested. 

While I'm working on this challenge ----------- here's where you as readers come in. You probably have ideas about the exercise Bob prescribed for me and I would guess for my readers. Or do you have thoughts about attention - how has paying attention to attention changed your life?

exploring the mystery is almost nine months old! WE are going to birth something new!

Beginning with this Post - #35, you are invited to make comments right here on the blog. Tell me what you think, pose questions you may have, or state how you disagree. At the bottom of each post there will be the word Comments. Click on the word Comments. A box will pop up for you to write in. This first time it would be fun  for me if you would send me a greeting - it doesn't have to be profound but it certainly can be! Just say hi! Your comments will be seen by others and you can see what other people say.  Together we can learn more than we can separately.

Note:You may have to visit the blog in order for this to work - we don't know yet if it will work from your Saturday morning email or not. To visit blog just click on this link: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

*Art & Fear, Observations On The Perils (and Rewards) of ARTMAKING by David Bayles & Ted Orland (1993).

Thank you for being willing to explore the mystery. 
                                                                -  Nicky Mendenhall

Can Attention Allievate Anxiety? - #34

Does your anxiety wax and wane depending on factors hidden from your conscious awareness? 

Bob Klein* has provocative, albeit elusive means of enhancing our ability to live a less anxious life. 

To describe a paradigm very different from ours, he uses words. Words imply he is going to give us the final answer. On the contrary, Bob wants us to feel and experience our own reactions.  These words are not to be memorized. They are to be experienced.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Bob wasn't specifically asked a question about anxiety. I am unpacking four pages of material he emailed earlier with the conviction that an answer is in there ready to be discovered.

Be prepared for frustration; a definitive answer will not be divulged at the end of this post. 

Most of us picture attention residing in our heads because that is where our eyes are located. Using our eyes, we "place" our attention on an object, thought, or physical feeling.

When we become tired, we move our attention with our eyes to another object, thought or feeling. This method limits us to seeing/experiencing the surface of one thing at a time.   "Eye" attention gives us a non-systemic surface view of the world. 

This one-dimensional view soon irritates us like a scratchy tag on our new shirt. We crave the depth, the height, the inner and the outer energy that allows us to use all our senses.

When we can't pursue our passions, we quickly become bored.

Are you beginning to discern one cause of anxiety?

It isn't natural to constrain our focus of attention to the mere surface of things.  We are curious creatures and to defend against our need to relish the depths makes us dissatisfied and anxious. 

We employ the defense of denial to not know what we sense but can't see. When we deny our feelings of unease, our anxiety doesn't disappear - it goes underground. It then takes a good deal of our psychological energy to keep it hidden. When it threatens to erupt, our anxiety increases. 

We are sneaking up on the causes of anxiety. Tune in next week to continue the chase.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - I truly appreciate your attention. Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob Klein by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

If you would like to read earlier posts in this series or subscribe to receive an email when there is a new post or read this post on the blog, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com


















  

Attention: Freudian Slip - # 33

Did any of you notice the erroneous word in Post #32?  

(Prize to first reader who identifies word and emails me.)

Much to this author's chagrin, my promise last week regarding the topic for this week used an inadvertent word. 

Being a wet behind the ears neo-Freudian (you know how zealous new converts can be) when my eyes connected with the unintended word, the analysis began in earnest. My desire to formulate an interpretation that would reveal my unconscious motive was strong. Suddenly I wished to discover a motive so evolutionary in scope that it would transform my life and the lives of my faithful readers before sunset. 

Results of analysis?  

Initially: Nothing.

After a period of contemplation: Mistaken word energy might have been my unconscious bringing to my attention the energy experienced while practicing Tai Chi.  This energy is  detected mostly in my hands and is a combination of pulsing or tingling sensations; sensations never believed available to me.

Honestly it is difficult for me to believe that my unconscious was  involved in what otherwise might be labeled a senior moment. But the exercise to probe for meaning was interesting and, while it didn't transform me or I assume you, there is a new clarity about the importance of Tai Chi in my life and gratitude seems appropriate for this gift.

Maybe you didn't even notice the sudden insertion of the word energy instead of attention. Do you pay attention to Freudian slips in your life? How do you find meaning in your life?

Now on to the important business of describing yin attention!

Feelings of spaciousness accompany the state of yin attention. The interior space and silence provided by authentic yin attention offer respite from the blistering heat of summer. The rapid pace of time is soothed by yin attention's quality of connection and fluidity.

Yin attention becomes possible when we have the ability to let go of our need to know and instead trust ourselves to discern the answers we need when we need them. It is easy to say the words "let go" - they roll off our tongues easily. The surrender  required often defies our best efforts.

Yin attention has qualities of connection and fluidity. We can begin to see how everything is connected when we are in this space. Picture the four points of the compass and how easily the needle shifts from one direction to another.*  

In contrast, consider a ladder as the symbol of yang attention (BTW pronouncing yang with tang sound is also acceptable according to Bob Klein**). When we are climbing a ladder, we have a definite destination in mind. None of the spaciousness or flexibility present in yin attention is available to us.

Next week we will learn more about how yin and yang attention work together.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - I truly appreciate your attention.

Nicky Mendenhall

*The idea of contrasting points on a compass and the function of a ladder came  from Cynthia Bourgeault. Although Bourgeault used these ideas in a different context, I want to express my gratitude to her. Found in Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening (2004), pp. 66-67.

***You can learn more about Bob by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

If you would like to read earlier posts in this series or subscribe to receive an email when there is a new post, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

The Complexity of Attention - # 32

You undoubtedly have noticed exploring the mystery is fixated on the concept of attention. 

Much to my delight, Bob Klein* continues to provide email comments for us to ponder.  Doing so, he adds fuel to my enthusiasm.  

Writing helps process information, so buckle your seat belts. We are going to clarify, add new insights, and begin deepening our understanding of what we've learned in the past six posts. 

According to Klein, the nature of unskillful attention is to condense.  Think of it this way, whether our goal is making, saving, giving, or spending money, our tendency is to tense up when we focus on our desired outcome.

This tension condenses our attention. Soon all we can think about is our plan. We may cut off from others because we want to get away from the pressure and mistakenly judge that the pressure is external when in reality it is internal. 

Condensed attention usually contains fear which can easily snuff the joy out of any desire. 

Fear can lead to obsessiveness if our progress appears to be threatened. Some of us, despite the fruitless nature of trying to control life, fear loss of control.

These are examples of trapped Yang (pronounced with same sound as yawn) attention.

When we are able to dissolve the condensation of our attention, attention expands and softens. Then we move into Yin attention.

 Next week we will explore yin energy.

Those dealing with medical treatments that require technical precision to heal the body and the use of symbols and images for healing the mind/psyche, will need to cultivate mostly yang attention.

Yang attention helps us focus on the task at hand. Cultivated yin attention can offer relief from the stress present in dealing with the medical community but a focus on following Doctor's orders and listening to Self is primary for this season.

This week, notice when your attention becomes trapped.  Set it free! Email me if you have comments or questions.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more about Bob by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

If you would like to read earlier posts in this series or subscribe to receive an email when there is a new post, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

Diving Within - # 31.

As a teacher of Taoism and Tai Chi, Bob Klein* explains that in the Taoist perspective there are multiple ways of thinking about consciousness.  In last week's post he began educating us on one of the ways: the external sense of sight.   

This week we move inward with Bob continuing as our guide.  

"The sense of chi (chee) gives us information about the inside of things. Chi gives us information about how everything is connected. It is the sense through which the cells and organs of the body fine-tune their interactions with each other. It is a finer mechanism of interaction than the nervous and endocrine systems.

The sense of sight and the sense of chi are considered to be "paired senses."  They give a full understanding of the world around us.

In our culture, we have cut the pair in half and only have the sense of sight. We feel isolated and disconnected.

To practice a Tai-chi form is to re-connect your consciousness to the rest of the world of life. Attention is no longer located just inside your head. Your attention doesn't just start from the head and go to the subject of your interest.

Attention is the living field of life.

Out of the dynamics of attention grows our way of perceiving the world around us. We are in a relationship with that world, just as each cell and organ within our bodies is in a relationship with us as a whole."

Chi is often described as energy. Bob leaves us with a provocative statement:

"Attention is an energy that is a part of all things, just as is gravity, electromagnetism and nuclear forces."


Note to readers: Please join me in confusion and wonder. Give yourself a big pat on the back if you felt a tingle of excitement in addition to a stab of bewilderment while reading this post. Please let me know if you have questions. I probably won't be able to answer them but it would help me to know I'm not the only dizzy one. This is amazingly complex information from a different paradigm and a very wise man. We are indeed exploring the mystery!

*You can learn more about Bob by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

If you would like to read earlier posts in this series or subscribe so you will receive an email when there is a new post, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

Attention Please - #30

My attention for the next two weeks will be yin attention  - going more with the flow and not being as focused on exploring the mystery. Posts will be statements culled from personal communication from Bob Klein.* 

Bob, as  you may recall, is a teacher of Tai-Chi and Taoism in Sound Beach, NY. His response to my questions about attention provided me with new ideas.   Here's hoping you will find food for thought in his words. Please email me with your comments.

"The subject of attention (consciousness) is all about connection. When I "pay attention to" something, I am connected to it. We normally think that paying attention means just turning our eyes to something, but in the pre-modern world, attention is quite different.

Attention vivifies each cell and organ of the body. It is breathed in by each part of the body just as we breathe in air. It is absorbed from the ground just as each tree absorbs water and nutrients through its roots. We are a community of conscious beings and as we grow, a relationship among these beings must develop so that we can function effectively as a whole.

In some people, and in some cultures, the consciousness of the body is repressed and replaced by mechanistic behavior. In others, mythologies have developed to teach people ways of organizing this community of consciousness to live enriching lives.

In the Taoist system, consciousness is celebrated. Many ways have sprung up over the centuries to explain consciousness from a Taoist perspective.

The sense of sight gives us information about how each thing is separated from each other thing. It also tells us about the surface of things (texture, color, shape)."

Tune in next week to learn how Bob describes chi.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*You can learn more by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.
If you would like to read earlier posts in this series, visit www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com

Yang or Yin Attention? - #29

"Through the midnight jungle a huge tiger silently edges his way between bushes and trees, a coiled spring of power in each step of his massive paws. Overhead, a thick python, well over twenty feet long, carefully glides over tree branches, focusing all its attention on the smell and the heat of the tiger. Quantities of power unimaginable to us seem poised within the giant serpent, waiting for just the right moment.

We humans can sense a degree of attention, a level of power in this scene which seems unattainable to us. It is almost mystical and other-worldly. Too often we accept sickness, emotional confusion, tiredness and feelings of helplessness as part of our lot as humans. And yet, we are part of the same natural system which has given rise to the tiger and the python, the soaring eagles and other awe-inspiring creatures."*

In order to complete my Fourth of July walk. it was necessary to change from a disempowering paradigm (older women are invisible), to a paradigm of natural power (deep breathing to bodily claim my territory).  Klein labels this type of focused attention "Yang attention." If we allow our attention to be manipulated by Madison Avenue or by dysfunctional neural pathways, we are trapped: 

"Trapped attention is like a bird you grab to see. You can't really see it because it is within your fist. Even if you did see it, you would only see the bird frozen in fear. This is called "Yang attention."**

Klein explains how Yin attention is different:

"When you release the bird you can see it clearly and can see how it behaves. But you can't control where it goes. This is called "Yin attention."**

The goal is for us to use as much Yin attention as possible while only using small amounts of Yang attention:

"The Yang attention allows you to follow your path. The Yin attention allows you to not get stuck in it."**

Both types of attention foster consciousness. Klein writes that attention is another word for consciousness. 

Are you more comfortable with Yang or Yin attention? Which do you use most often?

Bob Klein is a teacher of Taoism, including Tai-chi-Chuan and Zookinesis (a modern translation of the "animal exercises" style of chi-gung).  You can learn more by visiting his website: www.movementsofmagic.com.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*The two paragraphs that introduce this post are from the introduction of Bob Klein's, Movements of Magic,(1984).  Used with permission of the author.
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**These quotes are from personal communication with Bob Klein, (July, 2012). Used by permission.

If you would like to be notified weekly when a new post is published, visit exploring the mystery and subscribe by providing your email address and then confirming your request: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com.

Alive with Attention - #28

My desires for a morning Fourth of July walk were two fold: a leisurely nature walk while paying attention to diaphragmatic breathing and Tai Chi practice enhanced by sounds of water falling on river rocks.

While congratulating myself for starting early to avoid the holiday crowd, a bicyclist passed me with the conventional, "on your left,"  followed by, "there will be runners  behind you."

Almost immediately there were  runners spread three or four abreast on the trail behind me.  Spotting a spotter at a nearby crossroad, I stopped for refuge and to get information. Learning that over three hundred people had signed up for this yearly race, that a victory celebration would be held at the library by the fountain, that runners would continue arriving at this location for another half hour, it was clear my initial desires were not going to be realized.

The energy and intensity of the runners was palatable. As far as I could see, runners were occupying the width of the paved surface. My initial perception: No place for me.

Older people, especially women, observe that the more mature they grow, the less attention they garner from the general public. Having white hair, being relatively short, and having a slim build, the feeling of being invisible occurs more regularly every year. 

From a place deep inside me, the word fierce made an unexpected appearance. Deciding to pay attention to this gift felt powerful. 

Going against the crowd, walking with my arms several inches from the sides of my body to make myself bigger, breathing deep and slow into my belly, taking large monster steps, I began my journey home. Fierceness radiated from every pore of my body. Runners made room for me. This was Yang* attention - an attention that allows one to follow a path.

As always - thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Bob Klein graciously gave permission to use material from his books and personal communication. In future issues I will be sharing from his reply to my inquiry requesting a paragraph explaining attention. His generous two-page reply was where I learned about Yang attention.
To learn more about Bob, visit his website: www.movementsofmagic.com or his blog: www.movementsofmagic.com/blog
 
If you would like to read posts from previous issues or this post on the blog go to: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com