Whoops I Almost Forgot! - #15

Just remembered that I promised to report what my focus was for December but didn't follow through!

My priority for December was to exercise. I did pretty well except for yesterday (Saturday) when I couldn't make myself do anything. But I was back at it today for thirty minutes even though it was my day off.

My overall priority for 2018 is exercise. My intention is to do some exercise or movement six days a week and take Sunday off. I will keep you posted.  

I'm taking the word priority at its most basic meaning - as singular. I, of course, will have other priorities but want to declare exercise as my #1 priority.

I would love to hear what your #1 priority will be for the new year. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Insight By Its Nature Paradoxical? - #14

For as long as I can remember, wanderlust was a reason for living and the reason I saved money. Because of a health scare early this year, we didn't venture out into the world in 2017. My desire to travel evaporated and my partner followed suit. All we could see were the obstacles: tiny airplane seats, crowds, long waits in line, hassles.

As the new year approaches there are questions bubbling in my brain. Will my yearning return? If not, what will replace what I gained in foreign lands?  

A source of insight for me is the Rabindranath Tagore Reader which has been residing in the main bathroom since September 2016. Recently I underlined Tagore's response to a woman friend who wrote him describing  her travels: 

"You move yourself, but I remain stationary while everything before me moves."

Perhaps this sentence grabbed my attention because Tagore was expressing what I've been feeling. Not much feels the same to me even though I haven't traveled.

Or maybe Tagore is speaking of paradox like we did last week?

Has something you always thought you wanted lost its appeal? Did you ever gain it back? Can you share an example of a paradoxical situation? Do you think that life has paradox at its core? Would you rather stay home? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox & life with me!
Nicky Mendenhall

*Image is me in Hong Kong a few years ago satisfying my desire to return to the bustling city after a fabulous visit in 1994.

A Taxidermy Break! - #13

I am giddy with joy at having a live fragrant tree in our house. With darkness coming so early the colored lights, our only decoration, satisfy my need for light. I'm not feeling the frenzy of the season quite as much this year because my gratitude for being mobile and healthy crowds out petty worries.

I do want to think of nonseasonal things occasionally so I figure maybe you would too. As they say on Monty Python, "And now for something completely different":

The paradox of taxidermy is that it both reanimates and stills.

I can't stop thinking about the idea that something can do two seemingly opposing things - animate and still. I'd like to give credit  but all  I have in front of me is a two inch piece of ripped newsprint. I didn't know my mind would continue to masticate on this idea or I would have saved more of the article.

Of course my question is, what else has this paradoxical nature?  

Here's what I've come up with: 

Let's say your priority is to be good and your fantasy is that if you are good enough, (the proverbial good girl), your life will be pert near perfect. If things are going well for the good girl, she will feel animated.

Being the good girl can also put a damper on (still) her creative life. Following all the rules and keeping everyone happy would have the effect of "stilling" her.

Do you identify with the good girl? I must admit I do.

Can you think of something else that does two things at once while seeming opposite? My mind and me would really appreciate your ideas!

Thanks for exploring the mystery and merry paradoxes to you!
                                Nicky Mendenhall

Strange Bedfellows: Priorities & Obstacles - #12

Establishing a Morning Routine, the class I'm enrolled in, takes place on Zoom. Postage-stamp-sized videos of attendees in rows inadvertently provide entertainment. It's difficult not to track participants as they jump up and down from their chairs, cats as they stroll leisurely across keyboards, or a cockatoo hopping around her owner's shoulders.  

Also entertaining, and difficult not to watch, is watching myself. I remember Nolan's comment that he has better posture after viewing himself on home security video and I understand more what he is talking about.

Last week I mentioned that thinking of the word priority as singular was a help. Here's what I'm thinking:

If this class is truly a priority, I would sign on while sitting in a room by myself. This would mean I could "raise my hand," be unmuted, and interact with Susan as if I was in the same room with her. I did this during class #one. Conversing in real time with a person I consider my teacher felt like an honor. The class seemed more vital and alive. 

I treated the second and third classes as one of several priorities. Yes, class was important and a priority but I also had other priorities: sitting in the living room (with earphones) basking in the Christmas tree lights, feeling in-sync to my reading-a-book partner and being careful to not disturb the peaceful atmosphere were all priorities for me.

Ironically, Susan focused on obstacles in the third class. The first obstacle, laziness, had three components. 

The first component was said to be ordinary. I can understand ordinary laziness - things like not moving out of my bed or chair. Experts say sitting is the new smoking. I struggle daily to have enough movement in my routine. I love to sit and read or sit and write.

The second component was described as being disheartened. It could also be described as a loss of faith.  I feel disheartened about our country and the deep divisions between us, not to mention my disappointment that we don't have a woman president.

The third way to be lazy is by being too busy. This is when we don't remember what is important. This gets us back to priorities.  

In this busy season it may be more important than ever to set a priority or determine what priorities we want to work toward.

Next post I will list my priority for December. Will you tell me what your priority for the rest of December will be?  Short one word answers and longer reflections welcomed. This question is not easy so don't be surprised if it takes you awhile to answer.

Also stay tuned for the paradox of taxidermy!

Thank you for making reading exploring the mystery a priority and not letting obstacles get in the way.   Nicky Mendenhall

What Constitutes A Crazy Comment? - #11

By the time you receive this, two of the four classes on establishing a morning routine will be over. As there weren't any comments last week, I can only assume you are too busy paying attention to what actually occurs when you get out of bed.  

I spoke to a friend who commented she didn't comment because she felt any comment she made about her morning routine of petting, feeding, and loving her kitten would appear crazy to others. I said I didn't think so. What do the rest of you think?

One reason for participating in a morning routine class is my list of what I want to accomplish in the morning is long. It often feels overwhelming.  I want to write, meditate, walk, exercise, read my emails, read the paper, prepare and eat breakfast. Each item begs to be first! 


One might say I should pick a priority. In a funny sort of way, hearing that the word priority is singular helped me deal with this problem. I'll explain more next week. 

What do you do first in the morning? What do you want to do?

Looking forward to your input &
Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Grabs Your Attention In The Morning? - #10

Susan Piver, meditation teacher, writer, and creator of the Open Heart Project, offered an online class to OHP members on how to establish a morning routine. I signed up. 

The first class was Tuesday.  Two of her ideas interest me and I'm thinking about them and want to see what you think:

1. A morning routine is a way to check in with yourself. 

2. The days you follow through with the morning routine you design will be more satisfying than the days when you don't.

The class is for four weeks so I will be paying attention to these ideas. I would love to hear any thoughts you have on these two ideas or any other ideas on attention. I will be sharing what comes up for me during this process.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Lamott's 2 Best Prayers - #9

This is the week to increase our attention on things we are thankful for.  I am thankful for your attention.

The series on prayer that we are wrapping up today was the result of running across  Simone Weil's quote: "Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer" (Post #2).

If you haven't read the comments for Posts 2-8, take a minute to do so. You will be amazed at the wisdom offered by readers of exploring the mystery.

Before we we shift our attention back to attention, I wanted to share this quote on prayer from Anne Lamott:*  

"Here are the two best prayers I know: "Help me, help me, help me," and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." A woman I know says, for her morning prayer, "Whatever," and then for the evening, "Oh, well," but has conceded that these prayers are more palatable for people without children." 

Have you learned anything about prayer that excites you? What do you think of Lamott's prayers? What is it easy for you to pay attention to? What is difficult for you to pay attention to? Are you glad we are going back to attention?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Found on Page 83 of Roy Peter Clark's excellent book, Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies For Every Writer (2008).

Prayer Not Answered - #8

I am participating in a three week program exploring impermanence. The assignment each day is to photograph or think of examples in our daily lives of impermanence.  
  
Becky, our broken-toed-healed STEP instructor returned to class on Wednesday.  Formulating questions began the second I spotted her because of my desire to know her ideas on using "prayer position" at the end of our sessions, and to fulfill the promise I made in Post #6.  I was convinced  a worthwhile story would unfold if I asked the right questions.

Much to my surprise at the end of our session she didn't use the term "prayer position."

She said: Lower your arms and put your hands on your chest. 

After class many sweaty bodies gathered around her, each with a question or concern. There were so many people that when it was my turn I felt the need to be quick and maybe sounded accusatory when I said:

"You didn't say put hands in prayer position."  

She looked shocked and stammered: "I always do, you mean I didn't?"  

And that was pretty much the end of our conversation as she moved on to interact with others.

How do you deal with impermanence? Any more thoughts on prayer? Where do you fight against reality?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Continuing to Explore the Mystery (Of Prayer?): - #7

I confess to many years praying intercessory prayers to a deity,  many years confessing my wrong doings to a deity, and many years  praying prayers of thanksgiving to a deity.  

These days when feelings swell inside me (that's how it feels), I try to forget about what I'm doing and pay attention to my breath. A few seconds is all I usually manage but even that short time feels like a pause in the action.

Different things happen during this pause. At times an awareness of something more than what I can see or know arises and gratitude ensues. This pause can also be full of angst.  

Sometimes when I pause and note either what is happening outside of me or what is happening inside of me, thoughts of the old type of prayers come to mind and I wonder what I am doing.   

My description of what I am attempting sounds more clear than it  feels. I am exploring what prayer is in my life as we ponder these ideas together. I'd love to hear what you think.

I'm reading a book about a nun who was ordained in Thailand. One of her tasks is to note what is happening. Shortly after ordination she was instructed to be note what was going on fifteen hours a day. Maybe this "noting" is what we could call being in the present moment. Would she say she was praying fifteen hours a day?

 Do you think being in the present moment is prayer? Are most of your prayers asking for something? confessing something? expressing thanksgiving? Do you do something else besides prayer? What do you name it?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Have You Ever Prayed For Your Big Toe? - #6

Our STEP aerobics instructor Becky brings class to a close with specific instructions: raise your arms above your head, lower them, end with your hands in prayer position.   

No one ever asks what she means by prayer position.

Becky recently broke her big toe. This meant for a couple days she led the class without using a polyethylene step. She performed moves directly on the floor which I thought put her in good company because that's what I do.   

I wonder how Becky would define prayer. I wonder if she's prayed about her big toe? I'm going to ask her when she gets back from two weeks of recovery and her daughter's wedding.

This week my Mindfulness on the Go* card suggests that several times a day I become aware of my posture. Posture and position are related.  I'm experimenting with keeping my body in active plank as much as I can manage.  

My question to you is do you have a prayer posture or position?
Do you know how to do an active plank? Do you pay attention to your posture? If you do, does it help in any way and how do you remember to pay attention? Do you have any more thoughts about prayer?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall


* Mindfulness on the Go Cards, 52 Simple Meditation Practices You Can Do Anywhere created by Jan Chozen Bays, MD

EXTRA: Halloween Horoscope Help - #5

Reading my horoscope on October 28, 2017, I felt a spooky resonance:

"What works for other people won't necessarily work for you, and what works for you won't necessarily work for others. Still, the recommendations will be appreciated, and a nice way to connect."

Comments received in response to my questions are very insightful. This is an invitation to visit the blog and read them. Click on the word comments at the end of the post. I think that will work. I realize that my instructions before weren't altogether accurate which gives me a sense of compassion for those who compose instruction manuals.

When you go trick or treating, try this joke: "Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?"
     Because the "p" is silent.

Happy Halloween from Nicky & exploring the mystery!

This post is not exactly about prayer either - #4

I used to believe there was one right answer for every question.  

I used to believe there was one God and he was a HE.  

In the twenty first century (that phrase sounds dramatic to me) it has become evident that instead of one right answer there are many answers; instead of one God there are multiple ways to relate to our feelings of awe and despair.

In the 80's, Sunday mornings found me practicing meditation with Zen Buddhists followed by participating in Sunday School Class and Worship Service at Grace United Methodist Church.  

One result of this double feature Sunday morning was a personal essay which I shudder to remember I read aloud during a Zen vegetarian potluck. My revelation, shocking to me at the time. was that I often felt connected to Jesus when I meditated.

I shudder because at that time I firmly believed that Christianity was the only way and believed that's why my mind went there while meditating. I remember nods and averted eyes. 

This memory was triggered by reading that Thomas Merton's prayer was not one of words or intellect or even imagination. His prayer had no form but was a simple attention of the mind.

Do you believe there is one answer? Do you believe in one God?
Tell me about your way of praying.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - NIcky Mendenhall

Attention Is Not (on) Prayer Today -- #3

A few brave souls respond when I ask for feedback on attention and prayer. I'm full of  gratitude for comments.*  

Prayer is routine for Merton but as subject matter for today's post, elusive for me. Instead we'll explore attention. Recently it occurred to me that paying attention to the feeling of breath in my body during meditation was becoming a little easier.  

Dressing for Ai Chi water class last week was therefore quite humbling. When I pulled my new black maillot swimsuit on I wondered why there was so much floppy fabric on my abdomen. What a shock to realize that I was putting it on backwards!

According to the Merton Master of Attention book, the purpose of attention is to see better. Seeing beauty, especially wabi sabi, is important to me. Attention makes lots of things possible.  

You can bet I'm now paying more attention in the locker room. What do you want or need to pay more attention to or see more of? What do you want to see better? Any thoughts on routine prayer?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*To read the comments click on the underlined exploring the mystery  at the bottom of the email you are reading. When you click you will be directed to this post on the blog. Scroll down through post and find the word "comment" at the end. Click on the word comment & you will be directed to the comment section of blog. You will need to scroll up or down to see comments or for that matter, leave a comment. Once you post a comment, don't expect to see it immediately as first it comes to me to be approved and I check email at various times.  

May I Have Your Attention? - #2

My gratitude goes out to everyone who responded to exploring the mystery. It was fun to receive your comments and greetings. I'm impressed that many of you are concentrating on being in the present moment.   

A book entitled Thomas Merton: Master of Attention by Robert Waldron is now on my book stack. I was intrigued by the word attention in the title as I think being in the present moment is paying attention. I've never been a big fan of Merton but wanted to see what Waldron would say about Merton and attention. Attention is quite the buzzword.

One of the most interesting things in the book so far is a quote by Simone Weil: "Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer." 

What do you think of this statement? I still think about it. I'd love to hear your perspective. Do you pray?  What is prayer? What is unmixed attention?  Is being in the present moment paying attention?

My goal is to publish on Fridays. 

Quick Question: Two of my sisters asked what was in my mouth in the photo on the blog, Do you know?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

WELCOME BACK AFTER NINE MONTHS - #1

Nine months has been enough time 

- to begin a meaningful relationship with my body. Initially the diagnosis of NPH manifested suffering and despair. Fortunately the power and effect of Love was more potent.

- to discover and stay mindful of psychological patterns.  In an interview I heard Anne Lamott say she had agreed not to see what was going on growing up; realizing this is also true for me.

- to read and study memoirs, novels, creativity books, biographies, Buddhist/Christian literature and then initiate an exhilarating search for works referenced by these authors.  

- to encounter multiple quotes that nourish me and remind me of my basic goodness. Sometimes it is the tiniest suggestion that makes a difference. I want to share these with you!

- to notice I appreciate colors, textures, shapes and want to create images. My trickster wants you to wonder: "What is that?"

 - to note the multiple times my intention was to show appreciation for something I read online but then failed. Don't be like me.

- to observe the political climate and anguish over the deep divisions between people; remain clear this is not political blog.

If you continue to explore the mystery expect fitness tips, seeing me as I am and inspiring tidbits from the treasure of books I've amassed.  A common denominator: evolution.  

I'd love to know what you have given birth to in the last nine months. What mysteries have you encountered and explored? Email me or use the challenging-to-find comment section so others can see your reaction. We learn from each other.

New photo on blog shows what I do after taking down my shingle.  Please check it out by clicking on the underlined link at the bottom of this email or click on Exploring the Mystery .

Thanks for reading.
Nicky Mendenhall

We've had a lot of fun exploring the mystery through the years. I hope you have learned from this blog and had some fun. 

Time to stop posting for now. I encourage you to go around the corner and create your own blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall