All Good Ideas Don't Work - #224

Treasure was uncovered today while sorting through books and papers: a blank book with high quality paper measuring two and a half inches thick.* It was love at first sight when I spotted it on the sale shelf at the The Art Store in 2010. I purchased it without knowing what purpose it would serve. I just had to have it! So many possibilities!

On January 14, 2011, I made the first entry, after deciding the book would be the perfect place to write special sayings and poems I wanted to save. This turned out to be a harder task than I thought it would be. For one thing the book is awkward and heavy, difficult to hold on to. And where do you put it so it will be handy when you want to write in it? And hand writing the entries, who knew how long it would take to write something out long hand?

As they say, all good ideas don't work. The last entry was made on 10-28-2012. I wish I would have continued. It is great fun to see what I wrote. Here's one entry for you from 12-02-2011:

"Some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less than usual."**

Do all your plans work out as you pictured? I'm trying not to be hard on myself about this, but what am I going to do with this treasure? I doubt I will write in it again. I wish I knew someone who would love it like I have. Should I paste stuff in it? Tear out the pages? WHAT should I do? 

Please let me know how you handle your unfinished projects. What do you say to yourself? And do you think doing less good advice? Email or put in comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Just for the fun of it, hold your fingers apart 2 1/2 inches and imagine how big and heavy this book is.
**Thomas Merton as quoted in a Monk class.

Image is from a Buddhist Garden in downtown Hong Kong. It was odd to feel deep in Nature and then look up and see skyscrapers surrounding us.

Are You Ready For Macbeth? - #223

Since Shakespeare's 400th anniversary of death will be May 3, 2016, I thought it time exploring the mystery debut a quote from the person often regarded as the greatest writer in the English language:

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break."*

This is especially for you if you are grieving, which I imagine is all of us at some level. This reminds me of a story I heard from my Buddhist friends. A woman whose son had died asked the Buddha to bring him back to life, the Buddha said he would if she could find one home in the village where there had not been a death.

If you wonder about the image, I do to. It seemed appropriate somehow. Tell me if you can find meaning in it.

Does it help you to know that people were grieving 400 years ago?
Does anything help?  Expressing my feelings and the passing of time helps. There is no magic pill or instant cure.

Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Chapter 14's Epigraph in The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Now I Know Why Mom Called - #222

When Mom was alive, she would call with news of "who died". It wasn't pleasant to hear about people dying. Death seemed far away. The calls about distant relatives or her high school friends, were really annoying.  Wondering why she had to be so focused on death, I'm sure she could hear the annoyance in my voice.

I am beginning to understand that she was sharing grief with me. She was probably inviting me to grieve with her.  

Last week I learned that two neighbors, who had lived on nearby farms while I was growing up, died. Almost immediately after learning of these deaths, I felt like calling someone,

While I was puzzling why my urge to share this news was so strong, my weekly email from Companioning the Dying: Opening Fully To Living, arrived in my inbox. Here's what it said:   

"My life span is ever-decreasing. The human life span is ever-decreasing; each breath brings us closer to death. Holding this thought in mind, I delve deeply into this truth."


Perhaps the urge to tell someone "who died" is really about coming to terms with the fact that our own life span is decreasing.  It is a way of facing the truth of life that includes death. 

I wish I could apologize to my mother for being short with her when she called to report "who died".  Now I would be gentle and figure that she was preparing for her own death.  Maybe she was trying to help me recognize that death is a part of life.

What do you feel when you learn someone has died? Do you feel the need to tell someone or do would you rather keep quiet? What does it feel like to think of your life span decreasing? Do you think about death often?

Please share your thoughts by emailing or going to blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Companioning the Dying: Opening Fully to Living info@companioningthedying.org via auth.ccsend.com	5:00 AM (14 hours ago)
April 22, 2016.

 

Picture Taken On A Beautiful Spr!ng Day - #221

Driving or walking around in April and May is such a pleasure. Des Moines has a plethora of flowering trees; this year they are really glorious.

I wander around, Powershot 1200 IS in hand, yearning to capture Nature's beauty. Each year, despite my efforts, my Powershot and I fail to capture the multiple shades of white, purple, lavender, and pink blossoms.  

This year I didn't even try.  

I did receive the above image, an image that when I scrolled through my data card, I didn't even recognize. Do you know what it is?  

This is a contest though there are no prizes. Just encouragement to enjoy the beauty of spring.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall                                  

Do You Ever Open A Book at Random? - #220

I have so many books. Volumes and volumes on Somatics, Psychoanalysis, Health, Brain Research, Writing, Memoirs, Novels, Poetry. Every one of them - well almost everyone - would be great to sit down with and dive into head - or is it feet? - first. 

I've been told by a couple of people to hold a book in my hand and if it brings me joy, keep it. If not, pass it on. 

I'm doing a version of that - if I open a book and I want to read what is on the page, I keep it.  

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, who is pictured above on my meditation altar, wrote Into the Heart of Life. I bought it from her when I was in India. The meeting was so fraught with meaning,I didn't even ask her to sign it!

I opened it at random today to read about The Eight Worldly Concerns:

"We are not generally aware of our appetite for praise and our dread of blame. We are not generally aware of how we yearn for a good reputation and fall anxious at the thought of the bad. We are not generally aware of how much we gravitate toward what we regard as pleasurable, nor how much we try to avoid what we regard as painful. But it is these eight worldly concerns that keep us revolving around and around in this cycle of birth and death, samsara."

Don't worry about what samsara is - or the cycle of birth and death. (You can Google it if you really want to know the Buddhist definition.) In my case, I want praise, hate to be blamed, yearn for a good reputation, become anxious if someone has an ill opinion of me, grasp for pleasure and avoid pain. 

Do you recognize any of these behaviors as your own?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

This Inspired Me - #219

The following two quotes by Bill Walton* impress me:

"For a long time, everything constantly hurt."

"My recovery took two years, during which time I stopped taking pain medication and began water therapy at the local Y and weight-training at home."

When one of my body parts hurt, I think of Bill.

I hate it when my feet hurt! Finding shoes to fit my narrow feet that are attached to toes that need a wide toe box, is not a trivial pursuit. Reading reviews on ShoeBuy or Zappos lets me know I'm not alone. 

Often when we have a bodily pain, we feel alone. This isolation adds to our pain. Pain can be a mystery to explore.

My heart goes out to you if you are suffering with bodily pain. For Bill Walton, Jerry Garcia's Grateful Dead music soothed him. Reading about Somatic Medicine calms me down. What helps you when you are in pain?

Please share with us by replying to this email or going to blog comment section.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Bill Walton, 63, played on two National Basketball Association championship teams. 

Does the Speed Of Life Shatter You? - #218

Life does not accommodate you; it shatters you. Every seed destroys its container, or else there would be no fruition.

FLORIDA SCOTT-MAXWELL*

I have seen quotes from Florida Scott-Maxwell before and wondered about her. Google says she was born in Florida and died in 1979. 

Her quotes are quotable. Here are two more for you:

"Anger must be the energy that has not yet found its right channel."

"I grow more intense as I age."

You may be hearing more from her as I just ordered, The Measure of My Days, for a penny - plus of course 3.99 postage.

The speed of life shatters me.  How about you? Let me know how you are dealing with the fact that it is April!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The image above, in my mind, represents the speed of life in 2016. Barely time enough to see the forest, let alone the trees. I found the first quote on A Network for Grateful Living: Word for the Day.

 

The Contagion of Emotion - #217

Here is the world.

Beautiful and terrible things will happen.

Don't be afraid.*

It is difficult not to be afraid sometimes. 

When I watched my CA grandson skateboard ramps at his skateboard park, I was afraid. 

I am glad to report that only beautiful amazing things happened. 

If I watched him more often, I would have to find a way to manage my fear so it wouldn't contaminate his fun. 

Did you realize fear is contagious?

Have you ever caught fear from someone else? Has your fear contaminated others? What are you afraid of?

Email me or to to the Comment section of blog and let me know.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

The image above was received on my walk this afternoon. The longer I was out in the world, the more I hoped the Weather Channel's forecast of 100% chance of rain beginning at 9 PM.was correct.



*Frederich Buechner, from Barnstorming by briarcroft (no date).

Thank Heavens Aporia Is Impermanent! - #216

Impermanence means that as things in life change, we are able to change with them.*

"Oh Tenzin, when I knelt before you in 1996 to capture your image, I wish I would have summoned the courage to ask you your personal views of impermanence. I like your definition above because it indicates that we need to make changes in response to the changes in the world. I wish I could have continued the conversation and found out what your opinion is on aporia."

It feels natural to converse with Tenzin as I see her every time I meditate. Her presence is very reassuring.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best dealing with change; as I age I'm seeing how everything does change whether I like it or not. Life is easier when I don't fight change.

But what about situations that feature an unresolvable internal contradiction - one definition of aporia? 

Trees change. Some grow scraggly. Some are in the way of new landscaping projects. But to think of chopping down a dignified tree that has grown for a decade or more seems cruel treatment of a living being. 

I wonder what you, Tenzin, would say? What do you readers think and say?
Please email me or leave a comment.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Into the Heart of Life (2011), Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, Pg. 7.