exploring the mystery: "That's good - it's important to have hope!"
Karen: "What about your post that talked about staying with the worry and disappointment? I never know what to aim for!"
exploring the mystery : "What good questions. I'll get back to you - I need time to ponder."
Few days later:
Few days later:
Dear Karen,
This response may not help. I fear that postponing my response may have raised your expectations.
This response may not help. I fear that postponing my response may have raised your expectations.
As you so astutely pointed out, the posts have offered two diametrically opposed opinions: ”stay hopeful” and “stay with suffering.”
Finding the word paradoxical in my Kindle dictionary, I learned it is an adjective meaning seemingly absurd or self-contradictory. This didn't seem rich enough for me so I kept looking.
My research unearthed: para="beyond" and dokein="to think." To me this implies one has to go beyond thinking to understand a paradox.
A paradox, writes Kerry Walters,* "properly elicits from us a lived response, not a conceptual analysis."
Walters also writes that a paradox takes us into a "mysterious realm that stubbornly resists the battering ram of reason."
"Mysterious realm" - doesn't that sound like natural material for exploring the mystery!
So Karen, here's one idea for dealing with this particular paradox: "Stay with the suffering; feel your feelings. Stay as long as you can with whatever feelings arrive on the scene. As you sink into the feelings, at some point you will notice that these feelings shift and change. You don't have to make that happen, the nature of feelings is that when they have our full attention (occupied center stage as long as necessary) they will shift and change."
And here's another idea: "Stay with a feeling of hope. Stay as long as you can. Picture the glimmer of hope. Feel it manifesting in your life. If hope begins to flicker, talk to someone you trust. Get support."
In other words - don't aim for anything. Just sit with yourself. Flip a coin if you don't have any idea where to start. You can switch back and forth between the two options for as long as you want.
Don't analyze. Experience your experience. Wait for a lived experience.
How would you respond to Karen? What paradoxes trouble you the most? Is it easy for you to go beyond thinking? Please let us know by emailing me or going to comment section.
Thanks Karen for exploring your mystery with us
Thanks to everyone for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
*Kerry Walters, Soul Wilderness (2001), page 3.
Note regarding image: There is not a hidden paradox in this image, don't drive yourself crazy trying to find one. If you find one, please notify me immediately!
Of course the trick is to BE PRESENT with the emotional upset/feeling/suffering...rather than drowning in identification with it. If we are drowning in it, we tend to stay stuck. But if we can be truly Present with it, it will have support to undo itself.
ReplyDeleteI love how you said if we can be truly Present - it will have support to undo itself. This stopped me in my tracks! I'm thinking about your statement and wanting to talk to stay with it.....
DeleteThanks for your comment and reading. Much appreciated. We learn from your thoughts.