Going To Dentist With Expectations - #106

I hate going to the dentist. Especially since my dentist, Dr. Work, AKA a stand-up comedian, retired.  

March 26 was my six month ordeal (AKA check-up). Approaching the building where I used to be royally entertained, my expectations were not high. 

Crossing the threshold, I noted excitement and newness in the air. Dr. Clare (who bought out the practice) was grinning from ear to ear; the hygienists, receptionist, and even the bookkeeper looked like they were auditioning for Downton Abbey. 

When change is not my idea and appears unavoidable, gnashing my teeth occurs to me. Changes such as: A change in my schedule. A computer update. A new person serving me in place of a person that I have developed a relationship with. A new package design that makes locating a favorite product difficult. A new direction for rescuing voice messages.  A favorite product discontinued.

I usually find it a challenge to see the positive in change.

What was the excitement at the dentist office?  

Staff was learning how to operate new technology - there were new X-Ray machines and new computer programs and monitors and this was the first day after their training.  

Enthusiasm was obvious and infectious. I was impressed.

Challenging our brains to try new things - especially new technology - takes a fighting spirit.  

Responding to change with an open mind and heart is my intention.

What is your usual response when you hear from someone that there will be a change? Which changes bring excitement? Which bring gnashing of teeth? How do you deal with change that you are not in charge of? When is the last time you tried something new?

Please share in the comment section by going to the blog or reply by email.

Thank you for exploring the mystery of change - Nicky Mendenhall

Mid Week Nourishment

"We carry a terrible wound: alienation from our embodied life.
"Your flesh shall become a great poem."
                                                                                         Walt Whitman

This week be aware of your precious human body. Nourish your body by giving it fresh food and ample rest. Remember that you won't always have a body to care for.

What do you think Whitman means when he says your flesh will become a great poem? If you feel inspired, write a poem for the man in the picture above.

Share your thoughts and poems in the comment section or email them to me. Unless you tell me otherwise, I will assume that you give me permission to post on the blog.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

What Are Your Expectations? - #105

I've noticed that being mindful - being in the moment - is easier when the sun shines.  

When a day is windy, cloudy, cold, I feel grouchy.  

Why? 

My expectations for weather have not been met. I wanted to be outside. I wanted to take a walk.

We prefer our expectations be met.

Giving up expectations is difficult. Mental health professionals would likely blame our egos.  

Paradoxically, letting go of my expectations (AKA disappointing my ego or not getting what I want) can set me free.

Finding myself trapped in the house, because walking wouldn't be pleasant, I realize there is now time to watch another episode of The Good Wife.  

How do you handle it when your expectations don't pan out? Do you rage? Cry? Pout? Swear to never have another expectation? Try to manipulate things so you can have it your way?

I've done all those things - please share what do you do in the comments section or email me and I will copy and paste it to the blog unless you request I abstain.

If you are wondering about the image, here's my line of reasoning: Your meeting was held on the twenty-fifth floor. Meeting over, your expectation is to hop on an elevator and descend to the Lobby. When you read the posted sign and begin to smell smoke, your expectation will be quickly dashed.  Giving up this expectation isn't difficult because holding on to this expectation has the possibility of killing you. Many of us act like our dashed expectations are life or death matters. This causes undue suffering.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Midweek Pleasures & Free Book

"We read in part to lose ourselves and thereby to find ourselves; from self-loss comes self-construction."

"There's a rhythm to museumgoing that requires silence and solitude."

"That is happiness; to be dissolved in something complete and great."

If you like the above quotes, found in Seven Pleasures, be the first email I receive and I will send you the book! Simple as that! Include your mailing address.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

SLOW DOWN: Transitions Ahead - #104

Are transitions difficult for you?

This year the days following the change to Daylight Savings time haven't seemed as disrupted.

My secret?

Slowing down.  Deciding the week was not going to be as productive as usual, deciding to accept this, deciding not to fight it. 

Taking advantage of a 62 degree day with sun and minimal wind.   Walking slowly, camera in hand, ready to receive images. Remembering Christine Valters Paintner's suggestion to walk in a contemplative manner and look for the gift of what "shimmers".

On the sidewalk, a large sycamore leaf shimmered for me.  

I walked a few steps forward and heard a distinct swooshing noise. Did my leaf move? (Notice how quickly I became possessive.) 

I backed up to where I had received the leaf and here's what I saw:

I wondered where my gift had gone. 

Walking a a few steps to the east I found it - it had turned over and looked quite cozy in its new home:

I went back to my office basking in the mystery of this occurrence. This small incident made me feel contented and connected to Nature and myself.  The rest of the afternoon I was a bit drowsy but that was to be expected.  

When you are facing a transition, remember to slow down. Relax your expectations. Breathe deeply. Look for what shimmers for you.

Thanks for exploring this transition mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Eyes of the Heart (2013) Christine Valters Paintner

Midweek Bonus: What's Going To Happen Next?

When you allow that you don't know, you become very awake. 

You become like a hunter who doesn't know what's going to happen next. 

He's not making anything happen. 

He is just stillness in the midst of activity. 

He is an open space through which anything can move. 

He is no longer a noun. 

He becomes a verb. 

He's the act of standing. 

That kind of presence for our life is the perfect preparation for death.

It means being open to whatever happens, excluding nothing.

 –Stephen Levine

Companioning the Dying - Our Weekly Sharing - March 7

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Pay Attention! - #103

Which caught and held your attention; made you think for the longest period of time - the two words in the subject heading or the words in the multi-colored image?

There is no right (or wrong) answer to this question. You and you alone decide where to place your attention.

Did you ever think of it that way - that your attention is a valuable resource and is entirely under your command?  

This post was partially inspired by words in Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Sonia Sotomayor's memoir, My Beloved World:

"What holds a jury's attention, essentially, is the quality of one's own attention."  

This week, pay attention to where you place your attention. Is it a place that will reap benefits for you?

Let me know where you place your attention. What do you learn by paying attention? What do you miss when you don't pay attention?

Thanks for exploring the mystery of attention - Nicky Mendenhall

It's Midweek: No U-Turns

Henri Nouwen was uncomfortable, somewhat embarrassed, and self-conscious. What circumstance would elicit these emotions in Nouwen - a Catholic priest known for compassion?  

A three hour plane ride sitting next to a man who confided he was en-route to his brother's funeral. Nouwen recalls even feeling some irritation; he felt he couldn't have a normal conversation with this man.

Years later, when flying home for his Mother's funeral, he remembers his former seat mate. He fears now he will be the one to embarrass and irritate the other passengers:  

"I realized that sorrow is an unwelcome companion and that anyone who willingly enters into the pain of a stranger is truly a remarkable person."*


To make it through grief in healthy ways, we have to stay with the feelings. In other words, no u-turns. But as we keep going forward, we observe our feelings are constantly changing. My feelings of grief and loss change every day.  

My subscribers and readers are truly remarkable persons. While I am not a stranger to most of you, by reading my posts and responding (either in person or by email), you entered my pain. Your responses were comfort during a difficult time. I truly appreciate your love and care.  

 Thanks for exploring the mystery of loss and grief with me -
                                                 Nicky Mendenhall

*In Memoriam (1980), Henri J.M. Nouwen.