Worksheet D: Is Holiday Stress Inexorable*? - #50

Gird your loins: Worksheet D.  

Question: What do you do when you feel discombobulated, stressed, or overwhelmed? In other words, how do you respond to discomfort?

Ask someone close to you what you do during stressful times - he or she will most likely gift you with inexorable feedback. It's my guess you already know your ugly, aggressive, and selfish parts and don't need the intractable pain of having them gleefully enumerated once more.

Historically (or hysterically as the case may be) my tendency when overwhelmed has been to deny that anything is troubling me. "I'm fine! What's your problem?" 

I am not advising this strategy. 

Do you deny your feelings of stress, fatigue, sadness, angry upset or any other so-called negative emotion?  Does the idea of telling someone how you are feeling put a frog in your throat? Do you want to learn how to express yourself when you experience these normal states of being?

The art of expressing ourselves when we feel less-than-optimal is not difficult, it is just not easy to do.

Try to express real feelings in a clear non-blaming, non-judgemental way. Pay attention and you will find - once you get the hang of it - that claiming your feeling state won't take as much energy as denying it.

Say: "I feel stressed out - would you excuse me while I take a break?" not "Why do you have to chew your food so loudly?"

Not so surprisingly, people tend to respond more positively when we admit we are overwhelmed instead of blaming or criticizing them. 

Begin by saying, "I feel" and then list the main feeling you are having. Do this in a non-judgemental, non-blaming way.

The rest of this year, when the urge to deny your uneasy feelings arises, pledge to express them. 

Look at it this way - you will surprise the heck out of the people around you! They may feel discombobulated by your new adult behavior. You don't have to react in the most perfect way - just do something different and see what happens!

Thanks for making time to explore the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Inexorable is a word I found while reading Van Gogh: The Life, an excellent biography written by Naifeh and Smith. I would like to add inexorable to my vocabulary.  Can you help me accomplish this goal by writing a sentence using inexorable and post it in the Comments section? Then see if you can locate the other new word in this post. Thanks for your help.

Remember you need to go the Blog by clicking on the words exploring the mystery at the bottom of the email you are reading. When you arrive, click on the Comments section. It would be great to hear from you!