We
will be exploring the mystery of anxiety for the next several weeks by looking
at ways to recognize and manage this prominent mental
characteristic.
A good way to manage anxiety is to tend to your feelings.
When we clamp down on or ignore feelings, the probability of anxiety showing up on our doorstep is pretty much guaranteed.
That's because our feelings get distorted when we don't pay attention to them. You could even say they get anxious.
The interesting thing about feelings is how powerful they can seem until we look them in the eye.
Try the following process the next time you are upset:
Find a spot where you will be undisturbed. Close your eyes and begin to increase the length of your inhalations and exhalations.
Then make yourself feel the feeling you've been trying to ignore. That's right - feel the feeling that is available.
Hold that feeling. Really examine it. Concentrate on it.
Hold it until it starts to morph into a feeling that is deeper and less agitated - a feeling that you weren't aware of when you were in the grips of the anxious feeling.
I know it is hard to believe, but as the initial feeling and the anxiety both dissipate, another more authentic feeling will wiggle its way into the scene.
When this happens, roll out the red carpet for this is the feeling that deserves your attention.
Authentic feelings are workable. Surface feelings mixed up with anxiety can cause lots of trouble.
Our pal anxiety is no match for a genuine feeling.
Note: In the interest of time, you may stop reading at this point as you have already learned the anti-anxiety technique. However if you need extra credit, read the example below:
Let's say you are angry your friend didn't show up for a scheduled lunch. This is not the first time and you are angry. You stay with the anger. You begin to feel furious with her and then you recognize that you are also mad at yourself for this planning this meeting when you didn't really have time in your schedule.
If you focus intensely on the anger at your friend and the upset at yourself, both will begin to fade in intensity. As they fade, you may witness a shift from anger to hurt.
You realize that the real feeling isn't anger, the real feeling is hurt. Hurt that she didn't remember you. Plus there is a nagging feeling of disappointment with yourself because once again, your inner knowing was forgotten. Not only do you feel betrayed by your friend, you feel betrayed by yourself.
Imagine the next meeting with your friend and how it will go if you are still feeling the red hot anger.
Then imagine at the next meeting you tell her you felt hurt she didn't meet you for lunch and you missed her. Let's make this a big imaginaging and add that you've forgiven yourself for not listening to your inner knowing.
Your friend can hear the hurt. It will not be as easy for most people to hear anger, especially anger that is tainted with self-blame.
The hurt feelings are the real feelings and that is why they can be heard. The hurt feelings are the truth.
Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
