Tending to Feelings Revisited - Part 9

Last week's recipe for thwarting anxiety left out an essential ingredient. Plus it may have made tending to feelings sound too easy.

Be aware that when you contact feelings (aka tending to feelings) they are likely to erect several barriers. 

Barriers to watch out for are subtle thoughts that urge you to abandon the tending feelings idea because it is "staring-at-your-navel-stupid." Or you may encounter loud voices warning you to  leave well enough alone and go eat a piece of chocolate.

If you are anxious and miserable enough, you will  figure out a way to get around this resistance whatever form it takes. As my brother commented, this may take some practice.


Once you get past roadblocks, try this:

Put on your hip boots. Jump into your feelings and begin to muck around.

Last time we were in the middle of our feelings, we were looking for an authentic feeling. This time we are looking for the beautiful gem of self compassion. 

You will find a cache of self compassion adjacent to your storehouse of compassion for others. Mystics through the ages would point you to your heart area.

And you know what - once you begin to love yourself (which is how self compassion manifests itself) - negative feelings, especially anxiety, will begin packing their bags.

Compassion for yourself  makes an inhospitable environment for negativity and anxiety.

Compassion is tender and nurturing. It won't force its way in as love never acts like a bully.

It will take time and practice for self compassion to become a regular visitor but what an Incomprehensible Mystery Guest it will be!

Thank you for exploring the mystery. Nicky Mendenhall

Manage anxiety : Tend to Feelings - Part 8

We will be exploring the mystery of anxiety for the next several weeks by looking at ways to recognize and manage this prominent mental characteristic.

A good way to manage anxiety is to tend to your feelings.

When we clamp down on or ignore feelings, the probability of anxiety showing up on our doorstep is pretty much guaranteed.

That's because our feelings get distorted when we don't pay attention to them. You could even say they get anxious.

The interesting thing about feelings is how powerful they can seem until we look them in the eye.

Try the following process the next time you are upset:

Find a spot where you will be undisturbed. Close your eyes and begin to increase the length of your inhalations and exhalations.

Then make yourself feel the feeling you've been trying to ignore. That's right - feel the feeling that is available.

Hold that feeling. Really examine it. Concentrate on it.

Hold it until it starts to morph into a feeling that is deeper and less agitated - a feeling that you weren't aware of when you were in the grips of the anxious feeling. 

I know it is hard to believe, but as the initial feeling and the anxiety both dissipate, another more authentic feeling will wiggle its way into the scene.

When this happens, roll out the red carpet for this is the feeling that deserves your attention.

Authentic feelings are workable. Surface feelings mixed up with anxiety can cause lots of trouble. 

Our pal anxiety is no match for a genuine feeling.

Note: In the interest of time, you may stop reading at this point as you have already learned the anti-anxiety technique. However if you need extra credit, read the example below:

Let's say you are angry your friend didn't show up for a scheduled lunch. This is not the first time and you are angry. You stay with the anger. You begin to feel furious with her and then you recognize that you are also mad at yourself for this planning this meeting when you didn't really have time in your schedule. 

If you focus intensely on the anger at your friend and the upset at yourself, both will begin to fade in intensity. As they fade, you may witness a shift from anger to hurt.

You realize that the real feeling isn't anger, the real feeling is hurt. Hurt that she didn't remember you. Plus there is a nagging feeling of disappointment with yourself because once again, your inner knowing was forgotten. Not only do you feel betrayed by your friend, you feel betrayed by yourself. 

Imagine the next meeting with your friend and how it will go if you are still feeling the red hot anger.

Then imagine at the next meeting you tell her you felt hurt she didn't meet you for lunch and you missed her. Let's make this a big imaginaging and add that you've forgiven yourself for not listening to your inner knowing.

Your friend can hear the hurt. It will not be as easy for most people to hear anger, especially anger that is tainted with self-blame.

The hurt feelings are the real feelings and that is why they can be heard. The hurt feelings are the truth.





Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Uncovering Anxiety Post 7

We will be exploring the mystery of anxiety for the next several weeks by looking at ways to recognize and manage this prominent mental characteristic.




Did you notice when anxiety is a dinner guest you feel moody and out of sorts? I'm not surprised.

Anxiety has the same properties as a sheer black curtain: everything seen through anxiety is dark and distorted.

Reality tends to be more manageable if it is not shaded with anxiety.

Things clear up when you employ a Sudoku strategy: don't get in a hurry, identify the correct answers by exclusion, proceed to plug in what will work.

Not only does anxiety cast a negative tint, it puts a rush job on everything.

Rushing makes it difficult to stay in the moment.


Anxiety can't stand mindfulness; anxiety likes chaos.


Slow down and savor your life while you are showing anxiety to the door.


Thank you for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Anxiety closed or open? soft or hard? #6

We will be exploring the mystery of anxiety for the next several weeks by looking at ways to recognize and manage this prominent mental characteristic.




When not saddled by anxiety, do you have a feeling of openness and gentleness towards yourself, towards those around you, and towards the situation you are in?

I bet your answer is yes.

When under the influence of anxiety you may find that authentic feelings of openness and gentleness are not available.

Under the influence of anxiety, body language becomes more closed.

Anxiety has a hard demeanor.

If you are like most of us, you will try to disguise your hardness and discomfort.

You may laugh and joke even when things aren't funny as humor is one of our defenses. Defenses are by their very nature impenetrable, at least from the outside.

The next time you are anxious, try to soften your body. This is similar to the age-old advice to take a deep breath.

Relax  your tongue.

Do everything you can to avoid hardening of the arteries anxiety.