Mid Week: Mark Twain

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.*

Mark Twain's quote reminds me of insect bites and old fashioned picnics. Hoping you all have a great holiday. exploring the mystery will return on Friday July 17th. (for some reason my all caps function is activated & I am unable to get it to cease and desist. I am not shouting at you!)

*Mark Twain as quoted in

A Network for Grateful Living contact@gratefulness.org via mail166.wdc02.mcdlv.net

Attachment and the Dysregulated Brain - #164

"When you find a way to quiet the fear-driven brain, what emerges quite spontaneously are the attachment circuits."*

The above statement, by neurofeedback specialist Sebern Fisher, MA, reminded me of our recent series on attachment. Our circuits connect us.

Fisher believes the brains of people who have had terrible childhoods are dysregulated. If you have a highly dysfunctional childhood, you will have a dysregulated brain. 

It is difficult to regulate our brains. Now we know about plasticity which means our circuits can change.

"We are social creatures; we are meant to relate to one another."*

We need to keep in mind if our nervous system is highly aroused, relationships will not be very successful. Our challenge is to learn to self-regulate our own brain. It is usually a mistake to try and regulate someone else's brain

"Probably one of the reasons that we go to the ocean, is that it induces theta - it entrains the brain toward theta, which feels very dreamy and drifty."*

Can you tell when your nervous system is agitated? What happens to your relationships when this occurs? Do you feel like a social creature? What calms you down? Please reply to this email or click on www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com and leave a comment.

Thanks for using your brain for exploring the mystery - 
                                                                     Nicky Mendenhall

*Sebern Fisher, MA, interviewed by Ruth Buczynski, PhD, for NICABM.

Image is collage representing dysregulated brains, mine included.

Exploring Communication & Revisiting Silence

"Everyone communicates: the sparrow with the blue jay, the ants with one another, the queen bee and her workers, the woman at her doorstep thanking the mailman. The quality of this communication is what's key."*

Sometimes the quality of my communication is not quite polite. My voice tone leans toward harsh or curt. I'm impatient. Mostly, of course, this happens with people I love.

How would you describe the quality of your communication?

"Behind words is the silence that supports honesty and self-reflection."*

This is a way of thinking about silence that wasn't mentioned last post about silence. I'm scratching my head and don't quite know what to think of this idea. I keep writing a sentence to explore it and then think - no, that's not right! What do you make of it?

As for the image, I received it on my walk this evening after going out of the house thinking I wouldn't find anything interesting. Why would someone hang a perfectly good pair of socks where a bird feeder or plant is supposed to be? A mystery to explore! And if you know why the socks are there - let me know! Any ideas?

Please email me with your comments or go to the blog www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

*Michael Stone in Awake in the World (2011)

Silence: Keeping It Real - #163

"In the sweet territory of silence,

we touch the mystery.

It's the place of reflection and contemplation,

and it's the place where we can connect 

with the deep knowing."

Angeles Arrien*

Note that Arrien doesn't advise us to explore the mystery, only to touch the mystery. She suggests that silence is where we will touch mystery.

Though the subject of silence hasn't made an appearance in many of my posts, silence is a key component of my life. 

The need to tackle errands, ones no longer postponable, meant leaving my abode at lunchtime today. Errands gobble up copious amounts of time. Errands do not lead to silent contemplation but often lead me into temptation. Use your imagination!

If I stay true to the image KEEP IT REAL, it would mean telling you that I want to go reflect on and contemplate my new Abakanowicz book that came in the mail today. I want to enjoy the silence of a summer afternoon nap.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me. Let me know if you like silence and how you carve out space for reflection and contemplation and rest. You know the drill - comment or reply! Thanks for reading!

*An Angeles Arrien poem found on page 207, the last page of Wise Mind, Open Mind by Ronald A. Alexander, PH.D,,2008.

Easy To Know, Difficult To Practice

"........we need to learn enough about love, mercy, and compassion to realize sickness and death are meant to teach us that life is precious; these experiences are bumps in our road that can ultimately make our lives more profound, meaningful, and bearable."*

*Taken from Into the Heart of the Feminine (2014) by Massimilla Harris, Ph.D. and Bud Harris, Ph.D.

Image received in Portland, OR. Technical Assistance Required:   driver's long arm out window (not mine).

An Apology & An Abakanowicz Visit- #162

 Remember this Image from November of 2014?

In November, 2014, Connie posted a comment admitting she was fascinated with Abakanowicz's work, describing herself as the contemplative in her book club who liked to get into people's heads.  

In revisiting the earlier Abakanowicz post, I was shocked that I hadn't responded to her comment.

Not replying (despite the fact I resonated with her offering) was because I didn't know what to say. And then the task flew out of my head. 

Now revisiting her comment, I notice she said she likes to get into people's heads. If you look closely you will see there are no heads.  

My sincere apologies Connie. I learn from your comments. Thanks for helping me bring out my silly side. If you keep reading you will notice my silliness transforms to seriousness.

Mary Jane Jacob, curator and writer from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, presented a lecture (6/7/2015) featuring stunning slides of  Magdalena Abakanowicz's work. To say I was knocked off my feet, would not be an exaggeration. 

While Jacob explained how Magdalena's Mother's arm was shot off, then showed slides of headless, limbless eerily alive statues, proceeded to quote the artist that uncertainty was her constant companion, expressed how Magdalena felt alone in a crowd of people, my anxiety kicked up.  

I was wearing loose shoes I wasn't used to and I was alone. The distance to the railing that would guide me up the stairs seemed cavernous. There was a crowd of people but I didn't feel old enough to ask for help.  

In solidarity with people who have mobility problems, I edged myself over to the rail.

Abakanowicz, who turns 85 next week, lives in Warsaw, Poland, and doesn't travel anymore. She seemed to whisper in my ear, "You need to be determined."

Jacob said her actual quote was more like you need to be determined to be an artist and have a fire in your belly and be filled with urgent necessity to make art. What I heard from this courageous artist was encouragement.  

Has fear made you doubt? What? Have your received unexpected encouragement? Please share with me/us by sending an email or going to www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

Magdalena Abakenowicz 

The Flock II

Burlap and resin; dimensions variable

Permission given by Des Moines Art Center Permanent Collections: Purchased with funds from the Edmundson Art Foundation, Inc.m 1992.36

Photo Credit - Rich Sanders, Des Moines

Peregrine Ponders Paradox

Post 161 explored the merits of subtraction and expansion. The dynamic tension between these two ways of creating satisfaction in life brought to mind the word paradox.  While trying to decide whether or not it really was a paradox, the following quote jumped out at me:

"Perhaps the greatest paradox in the human psyche is our longing for union, for peace, for solutions, though experience has taught us that it is our conflicts and our failures which are in fact our points of growth."*

In Post 161, I would say the paradox is that both subtracting and expanding, seeming opposites, give positive results. 

In the above definition, the paradox is that though we long for the "good" stuff, thinking it will make us grow and transform, it is really the "bad" stuff that transforms us.

Do you agree there is something mysterious about paradox that deserves exploration?  

Do you have a different definition of paradox?

Do you have an example of a paradox?

Please share with me/us by replying to this message or visit this link by clicking here: www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com  

Thanks for exploring the mystery of paradox with me. 
                                                        Nicky Mendenhall

*Quote found in Into The Heart of the Feminine by Massimilla Harris, Ph.D. and Bud Harris, Ph.D. attributed to Irene Claremont de Castillejo.

Photo: Several or you mentioned you couldn't see a cat in the last picture. Peregrine is a trauma survivor which is why he was hiding under the red plastic curtain in his safe house.

The Odd Couple: Subtraction & Expansion - #161

One of my favorite blogs, "The Ancient Wisdom Project,"* published a post Thursday with a sentence that caught my attention:

"Attaining pleasure is largely a matter of subtraction."

This brought to mind the satisfied feeling that arose after enlisting my friend Mary to help organize my closet. We gave away or threw away old clothes or clothes that didn't make me feel good. The next morning, even though there was less in my closet, I felt pleasure. 

Later on Thursday, while continuing to mull the merits of subtraction, I listened to Daily Dharma Gathering speaker, Nick Kranz.**

His topic: "Chaos & Expansion: Our Pain Threshold Examined."

The idea he presented, as I understood it, was how managing pain by enlarging the area you focus on works. Expand your focus; include more he encouraged.

While falling asleep that night, I experienced "an itch that hurt" on my left big toe. I scratched offending toe, first on the on the top of it and then on the bottom. Nothing changed, it still itched and hurt.  

Remembering Kranz's suggestion, I stopped focusing just on the left big toe and focused instead on all my toes, then on my whole foot, then my entire leg, finally my body. Then imagining my body cradled in a rocking boat, I fell asleep.  

Thursday was a day of subtracting and expanding. Each direction needs further exploration. Which direction do you move towards naturally?

Please let me/us know by replying to this email or going to www.nickymendenhall.blogspot.com

*http://theancientwisdomproject.com/
**http://mindfulinthemidst.com
Photograph received in Portland, OR., illustrating how two households merge into one by following the principle of subtraction. Peregrine, (the cat) focuses on safety while hiding under the red covered table.

Mid Week: Life in a Cocoon

"Cocooning isolates and protects one from harsh, dangerous, or disturbing realities especially by remaining indoors at home in one's free time."*

During my junior year of high school, my career goal was to become a missionary in Africa. Knowing what I know now, I would wager my religious fervor was less about saving souls and more about escaping Iowa. Mom said my weak constitution made it too risky to travel to Africa

Sixteen years later my wanderlust was reignited when offered the opportunity to see eight countries in eleven days. To accept this once-in-a-lifetime trip meant leaving my month-old newborn with his grandparents. At risk was attachment to my new son. This time Mom said go see the world; she & Dad would keep both my children. 

During the next thirty-five years, travel was a vital part of my life.  

Now, when home for a period of time, my comfortable routine is becoming harder and harder to leave. 

My growing attachment is to being comfortable. This is a new attachment and it is not one that feels well - entirely comfortable!

The purpose of life is not just to be comfortable - is it? 

Tell me your thoughts about your cocoon if you have one. How do you roust yourself out of it to go have adventures? Are you attached to being comfortable?

Email me or go to the comments section. I really need to hear from you!

*Webster's online New World College Dictionary.

Photo received at the Greater Des Moines Botanical Garden, 
May 9, 2015.