Mid Week Tea Bag Wisdom

I hope you make a habit of taking a moment to savor the bits of wisdom on the tag of your tea bag. Here's a recent one I noticed:

"It is better to to something ridiculously stupid than to be ridiculously boring."

Can you guess who said this? 

DRUM ROLL:

Marilyn Monroe

Do you agree with this advice? I do.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Are You Ready For A Story? - #157

Here's a story we can use for beginning to understand the Buddhists definition of detachment:

"Once, an old woman, as an act of charity, undertook to support a monk living in a nearby hermitage. The monk was an austere and seemingly holy fellow who needed very little in the way of food, clothing, or shelter. But after a couple of years the old woman decided to test the monk. 

"She sent her beautiful daughter out to the hermitage and instructed her to put her arms around his neck and ask, "Mr. Monk, do you think I'm beautiful?"

"Well, the monk just sat there impassively, and after a moment said, "A withered tree doesn't notice the change of seasons."

"So the beautiful daughter went back to her mother and told her what the monk had said. Whereupon the old lady went out and burned down his hermitage and drove him away, yelling, 

"I can't believe I've wasted all my hard-earned money on a fraud like you!"

Barry Magid explains in Ordinary Mind (2002 & 2005), that being detached in the neurotic sense, trying to avoid all feeling, and retreating into some unchanging state is not what Buddhists mean by detachment.

Positive detachment centers on the awareness of impermanence. You don't have to give up on the things of the world but accept that they go away. This reminds me of our consultant and her countertops.

As always, I would love to hear from you - I am not detached from my readers. I am learning that the dream of a life without ups and downs is foolish and that emotions give depth to life.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Holding On and Letting Go With Our Consultant!

"I think attachment is just a holding on to something with the belief that it can make us happy.  Zen Buddhism is about letting go more than holding on."

These wise words are from our consultant Vicki Goldsmith. When she writes that attachment "is just a holding on," the little word "a" slows me down.

Even though "a holding on" is the opposite of "a letting go" - there are times that we need to hold the tension of opposites. 

My stomach gets anxious when gazing at the down escalator in Von Maur. I imagine the unique combination of letting go and holding on, that is required to get on the escalator, is triggering buried issues that need resolution. 

It is not easy to admit that you are afraid to step on the down escalator. It is humbling. I'm trying to learn from it.

Vicki closes with a helpful question: "What should I do/say/buy/notice this instant, and how can I lessen suffering?"

Is there an example in your life of letting go and holding on at the same time that is a challenge for you? Have you ever had to hold the tension of a pair of opposites? Please share with us your experiences.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Does Anyone Tell You What Attachments To Make? - #156

Buddhism is not a belief system. When you become a Buddhist, there is nothing your have to believe. You will be told about the Four Noble Truths and Eight Pieces of Brocade. You don't have to believe this or take a vow that signifies a life long attachment to these precepts (guiding principles).

As a Buddhist, you will be encouraged to see how these precepts work in your life. Do they make sense to you? No one will ask if you believe them.  

In a belief system, like Christianity, you may be asked by a true believer whether you believe in Jesus or perhaps if you have been born again.  

Some Christian churches are not this fundamental. The motto (precepts?) for the large progressive United Church of Christ Christian church to which belong, and would attend more often but for the temptation of the NY Times & now Sunday morning Tai Chi in the park, has the motto: We agree to differ, We resolve to love. We unite to serve.

The Buddhist perspective is that the true seat of the mind is the heart, not the brain. (Note to consultant: I'm not sure what this means or what its implications are. My question is, do you think it is true?)

According to Pew Research Center in 2012, there were nearly 500 Million Buddhists (7%) in the world. 

Compare that with 2.2 Billion Christians (32%) and 1.6 billion Muslims (23%). If you Google these figures you will find they vary according to source. These figures are from 2012. 

Photo is from Burtynsky's Water exhibit that we explored last year. It captures a few of the 1 Billion Hindus (15%)

I'm floating out the idea that the more we believe, the more attached we become. What do you think readers? What do you think consultant?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

NOTE - If you know any Buddhists that would like to join our discussion or anyone you think would enjoy these posts, please forward to them. 

Exploring The Mystery Hires A Consultant!

    

I'm excited to continue our exploration of the Buddhist view of attachment.  Excited but wondering who on earth I think I am to undertake such a venture. 

As the fog in my mind cleared, it became evident that I'm a person who needs a consultant!  A person knowledgeable about Buddhism. A person who practices meditation. Vicki Goldsmith, a Buddhist who has meditated since the flood of 1993, fits both those requirements.  I emailed her.

"Oh, sure, Nicky.  I'd love to help.  People sometimes think non attachment means not caring about anything or anyone, but it is about not basing your happiness on that connection, on realizing the impermanence of that thing or relationship. 

I am buying countertops right now, and I love the pattern I've chosen, but I have to stay aware that if the house burns down, I'll be fine without the countertops."

Thank you Vicki! If you have questions for Vicki - send them to me by replying to this email. We will continue to learn more in the next few posts.

Thanks for exploring the mystery of Buddhism -  N. Mendenhall

Attachment: Stressful and Unsatisfactory - #155

The St. Patrick's Day post promised attachment from the Buddhist perspective. Let's see what we can learn.

The Buddha's first sermon outlined Four Noble Truths. 

The First Noble Truth informs us that life is "Dukkha" - Dukkha a Pali word often translated as suffering. More modern translations prefer the words stressful or unsatisfactory.  

Why do Buddhists believe life is unsatisfactory?

The Second Noble Truth answers that question with our word attachment! When we are attached to people or things and they change or die, we are stressed and dissatisfied.  We suffer.

Our tendency as humans is to become attached to things we like.  If you've been paying attention you know that everything ends and everything changes.

The photo: Tulip petals from gift bouquet for Easter.  

What does that have to do with Buddhism? Easter is a Christian holiday isn't it?

The petals represent impermanence, an important concept for Buddhists.  

Is your life satisfactory? Are you stressed? What do you think of the idea that life is unsatisfactory/suffering? Do you like this definition of attachment? Let us know by replying to this email or going to the blog and making a comment.


Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Tolerating Physical Symptoms

I'm still reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. It has been a helpful resource for our series on attachment. Bessel also offers advice on managing pain.

I'm paying attention to that part right now. 

The tradition at my church Easter Sunday is for the minister to invite members of the congregation, who so desire, to walk down front and sing the Alleluia Chorus with the esteemed Chancel Choir.  

I'm a soprano and to my surprise, some of the alleluias were higher this year. Hold your mouth open as if you are going to sing alleluia. See how it stretches your jaw? I wasn't able to hit the highest notes but I had to look like I was hitting the highest notes. My mouth was stretched wide open even when no sound was coming out.  

After church, Easter dinner. To chew ham was difficult enough but forcing a malted-milk-ball-Easter-egg into my mouth was even more difficult. The second egg harder than the first!

I began to recognize TMJ symptoms.

In order to cope, I'm using Bessel's advice to manage pain. He calls pain, a sensation. 

If Bessel were here he would say: "Nicky - you need to tolerate your physical sensations for what they are - just sensations in the present, with a beginning, a middle, and an end."

He would help me stay calm enough to notice what I felt without judgment. Without catastrophizing. Without beating myself up for not feeling 100%. 

Next time you have a physical symptom, hear Bessel's voice (or mine) encouraging you to tolerate your physical sensation for what it is - just a sensation in the present, with a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Right now it is Tuesday morning. I woke up with my jaw sensations and a new one: the sensation that I didn't publish this last night. This was affirmed when it didn't come into my inbox this morning. I don't know when Feedburner will send this out.

Whenever you receive this, send me and my jaw healing energy. 

Thanks for exploring the mystery of sensations - Nicky Mendenhall

Is Attachment Up Close & Personal? - #154

"The closer you get to anything, the less personal it becomes."

Thus says Michael Stone,* a wise teacher who spoke on April Fool's Day as part of the Daily Dharma series.  Let's see if we can unpack this sentence (I've always wanted to say that!) and make sure it wasn't an April Fool's joke.

When a relationship becomes more intimate, closer=less personal looks like:  

 ...... the less you think about who the other is or who you are. Michael says that the closer you are to another person, the less that person has to do for you. I'm not sure I understand that.

If you are a meditator, closer=less personal may exhibit as: 

......the more you feel your breath in your body as you are meditating, the less you think. Breathing becomes a function of the natural world. You don't have to think about the breath, it just is.

When you get closer to your body, closer=less personal might mean:

......your body feels just like A body - not your body.

Does it make sense to you that closer=less personal ? Michael says the purpose of this idea is to help us feel more intimate with our day to day experience. It can help us be more embodied. Most of us, myself included, spend way too much time in our heads.

I know from my experience that when I pay attention to my body, my experience has a different character.  

My massage therapist Kate Teas didn't like Michael's word personal and suggested that we change it to "in the now." This makes sense to me - when you are really with someone, there is nothing but the present moment. The closer I get to another, the more in the now I am. Being in the now isn't personal, it just is.

I wonder how closer=less personal fits with what we learned in the last post -  things come together quietly and things make noise when they break apart? 

I would love to hear from you. exploring the mystery alone is not as much fun as having a passel of friends throwing in their ideas!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*MichaelStoneteaching.com