Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Midweek Memorial

The email I have been dreading and hoping for arrived.
  
Subject line:

 Jo's passing.

 Dreading the email because the finality of death would quash all hopes of waking up one morning to one of her satisfying psychologically sophisticated emails in my inbox.   

 Hoping for the email because it would mean an end to her suffering.  

 The message this morning was brief: Jo died on February 9, 2014.

She requested a natural burial which means that her body will not have any chemical treatment and will have to be buried two or three days after her death.

  Joan Halifax's words* comfort me today:

"The brokenheartedness that we call sorrow-- our kinship with the now-invisible other -- is really a lotus flower nourished by the cold and murky waters of grief."

"Grief can bloom into humility, faith, and tenderness when we hold it with patience and respect, and find a sane relationship to our sadness without being overwhelmed."*

 Many thanks to all of you who reached out to me today to offer your sympathy and love. I feel very blessed.

The image above is a batik Jo gifted me with several years ago. It brings beauty to one of my office walls. She was an artist and writer. Her heart became bigger as dying approached.

 Thanks for exploring the mystery of grief - Nicky Mendenhall

 Let me know if you have thoughts about death, grief. or impermanence. We can help one another.

 *Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death (2008) Joan Halifax


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4 comments:

  1. fluteyogiFebruary 12, 2014 at 8:21 AM

    Thanks for sharing those beautiful words from your friend. I'm sorry that you no longer can have fresh words from her and that suffer her loss. I guess grief will have it's way with us and we must ride it out. Blessings, Jeanne

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  2. NicolaFebruary 12, 2014 at 9:55 AM

    Thank you fluteyogi. It is true that it is easier to ride it out when we don't fight it so I'm trying to stay with what comes up for me.

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  3. BeckyFebruary 12, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    Nicky, your tribute to Jo is moving. I admire your courage to share fresh and raw emotions.

    There are no words of consolation to dull the first pains of loss when death transforms a loved one. We grieve for the lost one, we grieve for past losses in our lives, we grieve for the loss our loved ones will feel when we pass, and we grieve our own eventual death.

    It is right to suffer greatly as it is a sign we have also loved greatly. Your heart is big, thus your grief..and joy...have great power. Power to heal.

    You will be in my meditations. Sending out love, peace, and courage as you move through the next weeks and months.

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    Replies
    1. NicolaFebruary 12, 2014 at 11:19 AM

      Thank you Becky. Sounds like you have learned from grief. I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

      Delete

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