What Happens When A Phrase Burrows Into Your Ear? - #91

"Does Symmetry Kill?"  

Last week I posed the symmetry question after wrestling with Marina Mander's thought-provoking opinion piece in Sunday NY Times. One paragraph echoed in my ear: Symmetry kills. 

Initially mind blanked out; symmetry appeared a foreign word. Does that ever happen to you?
  
Then my brain kicked in: years ago my beautician invited me to experiment with a new style - she called it asymmetrical. This meant that for a few months, my hair was only on one side of my head.

So symmetry must mean matching sides!

For some reason, my continuing fascination with wabi sabi, never forgotten for very long, bubbled up.   

Wabi sabi celebrates imperfection; symmetry requires objects or designs to be perfectly matched.

The imperfection of wabi sabi, its rustic and irregular beauty, would be killed by symmetry!

My perfectionistic tendencies are not only annoying, they can be dangerous.  

To discover the nugget of truth in words that continue to mysteriously resonate requires detective work.   Perhaps you will find a different lesson for yourself in the phrase Symmetry kills or perhaps my experience will encourage you to investigate words that won't leave you alone.

Special Note: After reading Post #90, you may have deduced my grandmother and Marina Mander suffered from Bell's palsy. You are correct.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

A Wabi Sabi Thanksgiving Wish

"I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, and obsequious* attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board."
                                                           Henry David Thoreau**

My wish is our exploration of wabi sabi the last few weeks prompts us to celebrate late arrivals and overcooked turkey. 

My wish is we will be sincere and truthful with one another as we gather together.

Here's hoping that our knowledge and awareness of wabi sabi adds a layer of gentleness to our lives. 

My appreciation for your participation exploring the mystery is immense. Publishing twice a week is helping me accept the wabi sabi that happens when there is not time to perfect each post. This week I couldn't resist my perfectionistic tendencies and returned to post 90 for some updating.

*I looked up the word obsequious; the archaic meaning is compliant, dutiful, which is my guess for what Thoreau meant in the quote above. You could argue that he could have meant the more modern definition: showing too great a willingness to serve or obey, fawning.

**Henry David Thoreau as quoted in Wabi Sabi by Diane Durston

Does Symmetry Kill? - #90

For some reason this morning I began to reminisce about my paternal grandmother's face. With a grimace on my face, I remembered her lopsided mouth. 

I remember not wanting to look at her. 

I loved my grandmother Carrie. She put mustard in Betsy Wetsy's diapers so Betsy's bodily functions would more realistic. Grandma had a never-empty chocolate-chip cookie jar. The youngest in her family, she was fun-loving and had an infectious giggle.

But when her face no longer had symmetry, I didn't like to look at her or even, if the truth be told, interact with her.

Marina Mander (November 17 Opinion piece in the Sunday New York Times) woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and reported seeing a sinister smile. 

In the emergency room, when the doctor asked how she felt, she replied it felt as if she had swallowed a Francis Bacon painting. The doctor gave her a blank stare. 

Which you may be giving your computer screen right now.

What if we approached differences - especially problematic ones - as challenges to our internal landscape? 

What if we viewed most things through the wabi sabi lens?  

Tune in next week for more information. I hate to close out on you like this but I'm feeling exhausted. This has turned out to be an emotional post to create. I need more time to think. I invite your thoughts on whether symmetry kills.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Exploring the Mystery of Goethe's Quirky Wisdom

"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks."

                                                      Goethe*

For Goethe's quote to have meaning for us, we probably need to accept our own quirks. But what are my quirks? In order to accept them, the first step is knowing what they are. Are quirks flaws?

Identifying my own quirks proved difficult. Everything on my list of possible quirks seemed normal to me ;>). And true to my bias of wanting everything perfect, I didn't initially pay attention to the phrase, flaws are necessary for the whole part.

Looking to Webster's New World dictionary for guidance,  I learned there are behavioral quirks and quirks of fate.

I was gobsmacked** when I read the sentence describing a quirk of fate:

When a strange twist of fate leads you to bump into your old high school sweetheart and you end up getting married, this is an example of a quirk of fate.

Quirks now seem mysterious to me. How do you define quirks? Do you have any? Please share with us in the comments section which you can access by clicking on the following: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com 
*Goethe quote from Wabi Sabi: The Art of Everyday Life by Diand Durston **Gobsmacked is a British word I learned from my New Zealand friend many years ago. It is one of my favorite words and I use it whenever I can (is that a quirk?). Gobsmacked means to be completely astonished about something. 

3 Keys To Lowering Your Stress Level - #89

According to Koren,* the Japanese people who created the philosophy of wabi-sabi didn't trust nature; they learned from it. 

From observing nature they discovered three truths:  

1. All things are incomplete. 
2. All things are imperfect.
3. All things are impermanent.

The ubiquitous shopping bag (anchored in the tree you see above) is in my backyard. A resident for over a year, this sack became a container for rainwater.  Look closely.

When the bag established residence, I did not welcome it. It registered in my consciousness as ugly litter. It was several months before I realized the potential art installation nature of the bag.  

I then began checking it daily.  

When bloated with water, it no longer was free flowing and beautiful. It slipped to imperfect.

Presently tattered, ripped into two sections, impermanence is front and center.

Watching the progression from incomplete to perfect then to imperfect and finally to disintegration, I didn't become frustrated and stressed out. It all seemed normal and natural, expected even.  

Unfortunately the last few days, stress that occurs when one fights incompleteness, imperfection, and impermanence has been a house guest. If only I remembered how normal and natural chaos is for me while working on my computer.

On the surface, changing an email address doesn't seem too stressful but in reality, it was. Do you remember passwords? The answers to security questions? Do you understand computer speak?

Please celebrate with me as I announce the birth of a new email address:

                                                   Nicola.Mendenhall@gmail.com

Do you recognize how fighting these three truths causes you stress? Please let me know how you incorporate these truths into your lives by clicking on www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com and leaving a comment.

My old address will work for awhile so don't fret. Feedburner may still use my old address to deliver this to you. I'm still working on that.

Thanks for exploring the mystery with me - Nicky Mendenhall

* Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers by Leonard Koren (1994 & 2008)

Wabi Sabi Wisdom

"Would that life were like the shadow cast by a wall or a tree, but it is like the shadow of a bird in flight."
                                                    Haggadah, Palestinian Talmud*


*Page 58 in Wabi sabi: The Art of Everyday Life by Diane Durston

A Wabi-Sabi Quiz - Only Two Questions - #88

Have you found yourself silently entreating the wind to go easy on the beautiful fall leaves?

Do you know someone suffering from disease who is exploring the mystery of death while struggling to live what has been predicted to be the last few months of life?

If you answer yes to these questions (or similar questions), slow your breathing. Pay attention to your experience as you savor the following quote:

"The closer things get to nonexistence, the more exquisite and evocative they become."

This beautiful statement, by Leonard Koren author of wabi-sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers, describes the essence of wabi-sabi. 

My answer, as you probably have guessed, is yes to both questions.  
I think Koren might agree that our difficulty letting go and trusting the grief process is because when we encounter death (whether our own physical death or the death of an old internal pattern or the death of an other), we are shown the blessings and gifts we have been given in new ways. What we are letting go of is what has helped us survive.

Losing autumn's beauty to ice and bitter cold. Losing a twenty-year relationship that has had its share of fierce interpersonal storms while offering a rare type of intimacy. These two losses might plunge me into depression. 

Instead I hope to choose the difficult but healing feelings of grief. and invite them into my body so I can feel them and not run away or press them down unprocessed.


As the grief process continues, I want to stay present and aware.

How do you handle loss? What have been your experiences with grief? Is it easy for you to let go? Share your thoughts in the comments section. You can find it here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall
 

Louis L'Amour Explores the Mystery!

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."*

Upon first reading the above quote, attributed to Louis L'Amour, my breathing slowed.   

My body sensed the wisdom of these statements.  

After several deep breaths, my mind offered these memories:

In 1997, my marriage of thirty-three years ended. I felt life as I had known it was finished. Five months later, my Mother died on my birthday.  As you can imagine, it was a dark time for me.

The grief process was my companion for many months before I could trust the truth contained in the second sentence.  

How about you? Have you ever thought that everything was finished only to learn that it was the beginning?

Share your experiences in the comments section which you can find by going here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com 

*The daily quote on Inward/Outward for 11/4/2013.  

Wabi Sabi Meets Office Depot- #87

As we learned from Rilke midweek, you can find beauty and meaning anywhere.

Finding beauty and meaning everywhere is easier when you know and follow the principles of wabi sabi.

Leonard Koren defined wabi sabi as "the beauty of things imperfect,  impermanent, and incomplete....a beauty of things modest and humble....a beauty of things unconventional."

This morning I let myself enjoy a wabi sabi moment: I cashed an Office Depot Rewards check for $13.81. It was my first check from the Rewards Program! The check was wabi sabi - it had an expiration date.  

I love office supply stores. Do You?

They are filled with modest and humble items that are satisfying to purchase and useful to have on hand. 

Today I scored #2 Clean Seal Bubble Mailers, six of them in a package! And a twin pack of Sharpie Broad/Large black markers!

While desperately searching for a flashlight the last time the electricity was off, I made a mental note to stock up on flashlights. Flashlights are not, in my mind, conventional items to find at a traditional office supply store but after I snatched up the bubble mailers, a huge display of flashlights on "Sale" appeared.  

A 3-Pack Aluminum LED Flashlight set complete with 9-AAA batteries glimmered. The small compact flashlights were different colors. Beautiful! And I know they won't last forever.

It has been a day filled with wabi sabi moments!  

Let wabi sabi enrich your life! Tell us your wabi sabi moments on the comment section of the blog. You can find it here: www.NickyMendenhall.blogspot.com