Mid Week: Do You Have A Wanting Mind?

Our attachment to a person may lead us to cling to them. 

When we are attached to an idea, we may grasp onto it and try to prove it is the best idea.

Qualities of clinging and grasping are what Buddhists call "wanting mind." 

According to Ronald A. Alexander, Ph.D., the problem is that wanting mind is rooted in the incorrect belief that something outside of ourselves is the key to lasting happiness.*

Wanting mind has the qualities of:
 - longing, wishing, pining, yearning 
 - hunger or cravings
 - sexual desires, cravings, or addictions
 - greed, emptiness, and constant wanting
 - envy or jealousy, competitiveness
 - resentment
 - an aversion to losing control and having to surrender the will of the ego

What we truly need in order to quiet the wanting mind is unconditional love for ourselves and self-acceptance.

We all have wanting mind. Remembering that happiness cannot be found outside of ourselves but only within is vital.  

How do you work with your wanting mind? What do you do that gives you satisfaction in spite of wanting mind? How do you love yourself?

Please let me know by email or go to the comment section.  
The next blog post will be June 2, 2015.

*Ronald A. Alexander, Ph. D., Wise Mind, Open Mind (2008).

Image received when visiting Iowa Acupuncture Clinic.

Who Are You Going To Be Intimate With? - #160

Koshin Paley presented a talk for the Daily Dharma Gathering on 5/13/2015. His subject: "One Moment, One Chance: A Zen Approach to Living and Dying."  His sparkling eyes, boyish grin, and mischievous manner captivated me immediately.

Koshin, according to his website, co-founded the New York Center for Contemplative Care and is a Senior Zen Priest.    

His first question to the Gathering: "Are you doing what you really want to be doing?"

His question roused the spirit of judgmentalness in me. Oh no, I thought, not another rehash of Joseph Campbell's famous line, follow your bliss.

Luckily my fears were unfounded.  He continued:

"The more intimate we get with old age, sickness, and death, the more joyful we become."

Now I don't presume to fully explain this. My hope is that our consultant will give us some guidance.

The best I can do is to speculate that the more we feel all of life, the more empathy and compassion will arise within us. If we feel our uncomfortable feelings as well as our comfortable ones, we have a chance of understanding what it means to be intimate with things we normally fear.

I know - it sounds mysterious but remember - we are here to explore mysteries. 

What would it mean to you to be intimate with old age, sickness, and death? 

Which of these is the most repulsive to you? 

Let us know in the Comments or reply to this email.

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Are You Attached To Your Definition of Grief?

"I do not think the goal of grieving is to 'get closure' with its connotations of completion, resolution and finality. Rather, I believe the act of grieving whenever loss is felt anew develops a synthesizing sense of self that is strong enough to meet and withstand the tragedies of life and learn its aesthetic truths. Clearly, not something done once and for all, as society would have us believe."*

 'Synthesizing sense of self' is a phrase that gives me a felt sense of what Jeanette means, not a rational definition I can put into words. If you can define 'synthesizing sense of self', please share your words with us in the comment section or email me.

Also let us know what the goal of grieving is in your mind. How does the above quote differ from the Kubler-Ross model that describes the stages of grief?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

*Jeanette Wright, The Art Of Attention: Chronicles of an Imagery-Oriented Psychotherapist, Book One: On Developing The Capacity For Self-Understanding (2005).

Photo received in OR. It was a grand old tree, one of many.

Another Attachment To Explore - #159

The Sniffles plaque, spotted on a recent trip to OR, brought to mind attachment. I am assuming Sniffles was someone's beloved fifteen year old cat. What do you think?

Currently there are no pets in my house. I remember with an aching heart the pain when as a child, Dad shot my dog Yippie because Yippie was breaking eggs and killing chickens. 

Since thankfully I didn't see it happen, and no one told me why my best friend wasn't around anymore, I found out the truth when Mom couldn't keep the terrible secret any longer.

I could have used the Rainbow Bridge.

According to Google (what did we do without it?), the Rainbow Bridge is a place between here and heaven where a reunion takes place between the owner and pet that died.

I remember the close bond that Yippee and I shared. I was attached to him. Maybe the reason pets are so important to us is that when we form an attachment to them, they are usually ready and willing to meet our needs and relieve our anxieties.

Barry Magid writes that our self-involvement, narcissistic vulnerabilities and various inner conflicts all lead us to form unhealthy, neurotic attachments with people.

Do you have attachments with pets? Tell me what it's like if you do. Is Magid correct that attachments with people are more difficult?

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Ordinary Mind (2005), Barry Magid.

Mid Week: Remember Marina Abramovic? She's Back!

exploring the mystery featured performance artist Marina Abramovic on November 30, 2014. Marina, you might recall, sat silently across from people staring into their eyes. In that post,  I asked: 

Does an artist's work explain the artist's life? 

Now, six months later, one issue of a weekly blog, Brain Pickings, introduced to me by Becky Goldin two years ago, highlighted Marina's contribution to Getting There: A Book of Mentors.

See if you think Marina's words speak to the question I posed in November:

"My parents were both partisans and national heroes. They were very hard-core and were so busy with their careers that I lived with my grandmother until I was six. Until then, I hardly even knew who my parents were. They were just two strange people who would visit on Saturdays and bring presents. 

When I was six, my brother was born, and I was sent back to my parents. From that point on, my childhood was very unhappy. I grew up with incredible control, discipline, and violence at home. Everything was extreme. 

My mother never kissed me. When I asked why, she said, “Not to spoil you, of course.” She had a bacteria phobia so she didn’t allow me to play with other children out of fear that I might catch a disease. She even washed bananas with detergent. 

I spent most of my time alone in my room. There were many, many rules. Everything had to be in perfect order. If I slept messily in bed, my mother would wake me in the middle of the night and order me to sleep straight."

Her words also speak to our study of attachment styles!

Let me know what you think!

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall

Our Consultant Keeps Us Thinking! - #158

"All major religions have a spectrum ranging from fundamental, literal beliefs to liberal.  Not all Buddhists believe the same thing any more than all Christians or Jews do: some eat meat, some don't; some drink alcohol, some don't; some believe in literal reincarnation, many don't."

While you are pondering the kitchen sculpture, and wondering how it enhances or detracts from consultant Vicki Goldsmith's quote that hangs out underneath it, consider more words from Vicki:

"Buddhism encourages thinking in an effort to become more compassionate."

It is my hope that readers of exploring the mystery are learning to use the word thinking as a noun. 

May our thinking lead us to compassion in the face of suffering in Nepal, Philadelphia, and Cleveland.

What do you think of "thinking" as a way to develop compassion? 

Thanks for exploring the mystery - Nicky Mendenhall